How can I forget what she did?

[Anonymous]

I was seeing this girl, I really liked her. But we weren't exclusive yet. One weekend I didn't hear from her, and then when she finally reached out. She said she had gone out with a guy she had hoped to date. He got out of the relationship he was in and they went out over the weekend. They hooked up on the second date. She said it was absolutely shitty and he was really weird and strange after. She said she didn't feel connected to him, and said cause he felt bad about leaving his girlfriend, she said he wasted his chance and she was in her head about what happened, but she was done with him.

She was very apologetic about not responding, and she tried to divert the conversation, but everything about it bothers me.

It happened a few months ago, and for a few weeks I couldn't decide whether to break things off with her or not. She wanted to get exclusive a month after it happened. But it still bothered me and I don't trust her the same way, but she doesn't want to talk about what happened and doesn't understand why it bothers me but understands it was hard for me.

What can I do?

[ShadezMcgee]

You move on. I will give her kudos that she was at least upfront and said she went on a date with a guy she had her eye on and banged him, but you really shouldn't go after or want her now.

You find it odd that she fucks this one guy over the course of a weekend, but realizes it wasn't worth it, only to crawl back to you now to be exclusive. Shit, info were you I would tell her thanks for being honest, but I don't feel comfortable being exclusive with you now.

What's to say she won't do it again? She had no qualms about it while you were dating, but can you be certain she wouldn't do it again with the only difference being she is now your official girlfriend? Fuck that. I would see her actions now as her viewing me as second best and that taking her back would be telling her "it's okay, baby. You slept with him, I forgive you. Please do that again while you are with me as your boyfriend." That would pretty much be enabling her if you take her back. This reeks of rebound.

[HighValue]

She is a bad person. She only wants you as a back up plan when she doesn't get what she actually wants. Someone like that will never be loyal and will just be looking for someone else the whole time you are together. Just leave her. Any more time you spend with her is a total waste and you will end up separated eventually anyways when she finds someone else again.
And anyone that does casual sex is a slut and not worthy of an exclusive LTR no matter what their excuse is. Only other immoral sluts will make excuses for that kind of behavior and defend her actions.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sounds like now she wants to be with you because it didn't work out with the other guy... And just because you weren't exclusive, doesn't mean it shouldn't bother you that someone that you were talking to/seeing slept with someone else... Okay, technically it's not cheating if you didn't agree to see/sleep with just each other only, but to me, if someone REALLY likes you/wants to be with you, there wouldn't be "others" ... If I was talking to someone, getting to know them, as a potential partner and found out they had or were sleeping with someone else at the same time, that would end it for me...

[Gochogirl]

You have to look at it completely logically first. Decide whether she really did anything wrong. If she made no promises and didn't imply you were already exclusive, was it wrong? Would you have preferred to know if she was going to see someone else? If you would have, should you have said that ahead of time? Is it her responsibility to know where your line is if you didn't specify?

Answer those and then look at it emotionally. Was your trust actually betrayed? If not, whats actually bothering you? Identify what that is and decide whether you can cope with it.

[Asker]

It's how long she didn't respond, and how detailed she was about the sex with him. Like he struggled to get a condom on for example.

On the same conversation, she told me she still really liked me and wanted to see where we went. I just feel like someone she settled for and not someone she really wanted

[Gochogirl]

To be frank, I'd feel the same it sort of does sound like she's settling. But it may be worth speaking to her directly. If you show emotional intelligence by calmly discussing how you feel and asking for her perspective, you might set a good foundation. But always be prepared to be unsatisfied.

[Asker]

I have tried to talk to her about it. She's been so harsh about her ex's and him sexually. She can be so emotionally shallow a lot.
But things weren't the same for the month after she did that. I tried talking to her about it twice but she just went around the conversation, and said she didn't want him and didn't understand why I brought it up, even though I said it's because things haven't felt the same.

I know we weren't together. It was a more long distance thing when we decided we liked each other and wanted to see where it went. We had these very romantic and great things planned for when things worked out. So it sounded like she really just wanted a relationship with me. Then she went and did that.
Its just so hard to move on from it and it's always in the back of my mind I'm not sexually good enough, big enough, or what she wants in general.

[Avicenna]

Well, if you weren't exclusive with her, you can't treat her as if you two were. This is one reason why I tell people to go exclusive as soon as they know they want to date someone- the other person is looking for a partner, so they will be open to dating (and possibly hooking up with others), so you need to communicate that you want exclusivity instead of assuming both of you see it as implied just because you're talking with each other.
That said, if you aren't comfortable with what she did, move on and talk to other women. She may have some issues that make her not girlfriend material for you.

[dankstranger]

You are not a plan B. You are not a spare tire that can be pulled out of the trunk when another tire goes flat. not only that, this girl doesn't seem to understand how being a plan B is hurtful. You could try to explain that to her or give her a chance to see if she can earn your trust back.

but if i were in your shoes. I'd search for someone who treats you like plan A, not plan B.

[exitseven]

You can give it more time to see if you get over it but it sounds t me like you already have decided to stop seeing her. You say yorself that you were not exclusive yet so she really didn't cheat on you. Yes, she was insensitive the way she handled it and I can understand why you are upset.

[Browneye57]

You need to understand that women can and will fuck any guy they want, any time they want, any place they want.
Just figure she's normal. She can and will fuck any guy. So decide if the fucking you're getting is worth the fucking you're getting. My guess is it's not, so I would keep her on for some fucking, and get on with dating and finding a woman that IS worthwhile. This one is a cheap slut.

[ChrisMaster69]

If it bothers you move on.

you were not exclusive so could do what each other wanted to do.

if this is a problem then find someone else.

this type of thing happens, no big deal really.

[Anonymous]

You have to remind yourself she isn’t your girlfriend she also was not your girlfriend when she hooked up with this guy so she is allowed to sleep with him also you guys aren't in a relationship so she had no obligation to respond to your message

[noohair]

Well you are dealing with people that are human and humans are flawed and make mistakes. What is more important, Not forgiving her and feeling hurt, or giving her a chance and it becomes a good match for you and her..

[Anonymous]

If you're still not exclusive, do the same to her. If she has a problem with it, you have your answer. She was looking for someone better, so that opens the door for you to do the same.

[Waldoe]

you are just a "Place-holder" until she finds a "real" boyfriend... is that what you want?

[In_Trance]

I think you need to move on. You'll never get past this