Guy I am seeing is torn and unsure about what he wants, please help me figure this out?

[alex6]

I have been talking seeing a guy I met online for 6 weeks now. I am in my late 20s and he is in his mid 30s.
He knew from the beginning that I was a single mum to a young child and did say that he has never dated a single mum before but still wanted to meet.

We do live about an hr and a half away from eachother, but he has made the effort to come up once a week to see me around my schedule.

He has told me he really likes me and has made comments such as he wishes we met before.

I do have a few problems with my ex partner still and I feel that this and the child factor has him worried.

He has told me how much he likes me and does not want to use me, but is torn because there is a lot to consider and he is unsure what he wants.

I do understand all of this and I think its valid, but he insists still he doesn't want to stop talking to me and seeing me.

I am a little confused by this, as much as I understand his reservations I don't know what to think or how long I should wait to let him adjust or make up his mind.

Could you please help me understand a bit better. As much as I understand his reservations, he also chooses to still see me and talk to me daily so what should I make of all of this and how long is reasonable to wait for him to make his mind up.

[Leonharted]

If he commits, he's not just committing to you, but he's committing to your kid, and he's committing to deal with your ex. It's a lot, and I've seen it up close enough that, by age 22, I made the personal decision to never date a single mother unless they were a widow.

No offense to single mothers. It's just a huge complication that I'd rather avoid.

[alex6]

Trust me I understand, when he told me about 2 weeks ago about his reservations it sounded like he was more decided on he can't do it.

I told him I understood but after this evening I think we should stop speaking ( I didn't see a point in wasting both our time).

He was the one that chased a few days later and asked to still talk to me and see me as he really enjoys my company, and wants to take it slow.

But again recently it gets brought up that he is still torn. I am happy to be patient if it means he just needs time to adjust to the situation etc. But I dont want to just keep seeing someone and get deeper feelings of there is no direction.

[Leonharted]

Well, that's up to you. Personally, I wouldn't burn the bridge, but I wouldn't treat it like you're exclusive, either. Keep your options open. Go on other dates. If he comes around and is ready to commit, then you get to decide whether you want to take him up on that.

[alex6]

Thank you for your advice. Just wanted to add, he has also told me he is invested in me and is not talking to anyone else (I never even asked). But then has asked if I am talking to other people or seeing other people ( I feel this is to see how committed I am and also he may be a little worried (.

[Leonharted]

I wouldn't lie to him. If you want commitment from him, tell him so! And tell him that if he's not willing to commit, then you're not going to act like you are. I think that's an entirely reasonable and fair position to take.

[TheBootyChest]

Don't make it about how long you should wait for him to decide. Make it more about how much talking you guys should be doing to better understand the other person and their situation. You both need to be on the same page as far as where you are at with each other as you work to try and move forward.

Find out where compromises need to be made, or where certain space is needed and when to check in again.

[20yearsolder]

If you enjoy his company, your conversations then let him work it out himself. Continue to talk, continue to see him and it will work itself out

[EaterPeter]

If he is ex why you still have problems with him, what kind of problems?

[alex6]

My ex is the father of my child and we separated due to his abusive treatment during our relationship. This was over a yr ago.

My ex normally has been somewhat civil but this is also the first time I've actually considered dating again and since then he has been more aggressive and just making my life difficult.

[EaterPeter]

Are you two separated or divorced?

[alex6]

Separated, we were never married.

[EaterPeter]

I can see somewhat what can make your new guy feel torn. What is that you are trying to figure out?

[EaterPeter]

If you two were never married separated doesn't sound right.

[EaterPeter]

Why do you call it separation?

[alex6]

I guess I am just confused because it feels like I'm getting mixed messages. One minute moving forward and it's all good than the next its the hesitation on his end.
But doesn't want to stop seeing me and he doesn't want me to see other people either. So what does he want

[EaterPeter]

To me separation happens when one is married and not divorced yet.

[EaterPeter]

So you're still seeing ex?

[EaterPeter]

And another guy

[alex6]

No sorry I think there was some miscommunication with the terminology.

Me and my ex are not seeing each other at all. I say separated as we were in a long term real living together but not married.

We broke up over a year ago and I am only now seeing this one guy

[EaterPeter]

So baby daddy don't get to see his kid?

[EaterPeter]

Any court involvement police report or restraining order?

[EaterPeter]

Just trying to help

[EaterPeter]

How is he able to bother you then?

[alex6]

My ex partner see's his son regularly and we do not have issues regarding that.

I think because I was so focused on my son and didn't really do anything but that, he felt secure in some way.

But now although I was not looking, I met this guy and decided to give it a go. He is acting petty and causing drama.

I would say he is jealous.

[EaterPeter]

I agree with you. He would have think since you're not seeing anyone else it's ok. He still have some chance. Or he want to interfere your parenting.

[PeterSmith1983]

Not long ask him to make his mind up soon