In dating, is it better to chase or to be chased?

[lilyanony1]

In dating situations do you prefer to be the one going after someone or them trying to get with you?

To chase

To be chased

[MossyMan]

Unpopular opinion here, I prefer to be the one doing the initiating.
After I have proverbially "swept her off her feet" then yeah, she should start putting an equal amount of effort in arranging our time together and such, that's an appropriate way of showing me that there is an equal investment in our relationship, but not any time before that.

But as far as the initial dynamic goes, I have a certain idea about it and the relevant roles and expectations during that stage.
It doesn't bother me and I don't find it "unfair" if a woman has a similar expectation or a preference.

I don't want to say it would actively put me off if a woman was to initiate, but.. it totally would.
I like quality women who have options and those don't need to chase men.

[sage2021]

@MossyMan it sounds like the guys have to walk on eggshells to get together with a female. Many fired hoops to jump through. WOW! I had no idea it was that hard. When I was dating (way back when) the guy did the chasing, then when he got what he wanted (sex) the girl would never call again. Poof! And he was gone. No, it wasn't because I wasn't good in bed either. That was just what they did, they were that way with my friends too. It didn't matter if you waited to have sex cause they liked the chase. Once the chase was over, they were no longer interested. 🤔

[MossyMan]

@sage2021 Yeah I'm not sure what's going on these days, I personally don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells around women.
I'm direct, but respectful, when I express my interest and so far no woman has ever made me regret that approach.
Sometimes I get rejected sure, but even then it's mostly in a cordial way.
Even at times when my verbal and physical language is pushing the boundaries of what's appropriate.

I don't necessarily like "the chase" by itself, I will not be put off if a lady reciprocates "too early", or anything.
I just like the dynamic, I like when ladies later confess that I made them feel giddy and I like when their cheeks turn rosy and their thoughts a little hot and bothered.

For me it doesn't feel like it's some kind of a societal expectation unfairly imposed on me because I'm a man.
It's simply just fun to flirt and sway and play a bit of an emotional tango with someone who is succumbing to me.

[Slartybartfast]

We all know the players and cads who hit on everything with a pulse.

For every one women a normal guy approaches he hits on 100 or more. While shy men don't approve at all.

So women unknowingly selected for the guys who were going to use them. It's called selection bias and it happens in scientific studies all the time.

For example, when I was dating is never ask a girl out who was working. I've never hit on a waitress etc.. because they are working and it would put them in an uncomfortable position.

A player wouldn't care, he's just going to use her anyway.

It's why I kinda roll my eyes when women say they got used, or that men are only after sex..

No , they just CHOOSE the FEW men who are like that because they get asked out by the sociopaths at a 100 to 1 ratio.

[JSmuve]

You're asking two different questions here.

"Is it better to chase or be chased?" is just another way of asking is it better to be active or passive. Active, you have a better chance of getting what you want. Passive, you just accept whatever is handed to you. I think the answer to that question is obvious.

But I don't prefer to chase. Chasing in this day and age is a minefield. As a guy, you have or bring so much to the table, your approach has to be bang on, you have to build comfort and rapport right off the bat as a stranger where she might already be uncomfortable by your mere presence. The timing and location have to be solid or else your approach could never get off the ground. Then you have to deal with the very real possibility that she rejects you for whatever reason. It's a hassle.

But I also don't like to be chased because I like my space.

I prefer it develop organically over time.

[St37xy11]

I know one toxic way of getting guys to chase you but it won't last long if the guy has self-respect. I don't do this anymore because I'm not a douche lol but I used to do this when I was a teenager. Basically coming off really distant/ independent and take your time replying back and never texting first. I'll tell you, I wasn't serious I just wanted flattery. I regret it now and now I'm really nice to any guy I text lol

[dustybiker]

If I saw someone I liked I told them. I wasn’t going to wait for them to notice, someone else could have their claws out by then. ☺️ Don’t call it chasing though. Just not letting opportunity slip by.

[lilyanony1]

Judging by the comments here a lot of guys prefer women to be this way.

[dustybiker]

They have likely been burned too many times. Can’t blame them.

[Adam_DoesArt]

Chasing is kind of a miserable experience for just about everyone, I think. You have to put in a hell of a lot more effort, and deal with all of the rejection. Of course, as a guy, we don't have too much of an option. That said, I definitely enjoy catching women looking over at me, or having them flirt with me.

I know it's not exactly a masculine trait to prefer being pursued, but let's be honest here, being pursued is way better. No risk of rejection, and you know right away that they're into you, what's so bad about that?

[DaveJord]

The best is when you both chase and are chased by each other. I have been chased and I have been chased... and it doesn't ever really work out when there is no balance in the relationship. I get really turned on when its a two way street and you both are chasing after each other.

[Slartybartfast]

I enjoyed the chase about as much as getting my wisdom teeth pulled.

I can't think of anything I did in my life that I hated having to do more than that.
I did it because the other choice for a guy was to be alone. Eventually I got to the point where even though I wanted a wife and family I stopped. After that I got depressd and spent my life alone.

Typical of most men I know today.

[Changiis07]

It’s never to late though. Something God doesn’t give us what we want until we are ready. Is there anything in your life that you feel needs work? Are you really close to your family. I know I’ve been a work in progress and I were to marry a year ago it probably wouldn’t have worked

[Slartybartfast]

@Changiis07 oh that was decades ago. I'll definitely never have another relationship. I hate even the thought of asking a women out again (I've asked out seven women in my life) and it's to late , women my age are past having children and I don't see the point anymore. I only get used and treated like dirt anyway.

[Changiis07]

If you go with a negative mindset then yes expect to not get one. There's a lot of women out there maybe you are going for the wrong ones maybe there's something you need to change about your way of thinking.. but that's up to you if you want to give up then

[Slartybartfast]

@Changiis07

It's not "give up" it's "gave up" it was never fun to approach, always made me feel like a creep no matter what I did and was an expense I couldn't afford in my 20s.

I haven't dated in 20 years, i don't even look at women anymore, just makes me sick inside thinking about it.

I wish Id never been born.

[Changiis07]

It's never too late to work on it though. We all struggle with something. I use to be shy and not have guy friends at all now that's all I want is have guy friends. I have worked on things I was not good at. We are all a work in progress. I'm only saying this if you are not happy being single if you are then heck continue to not loo at them. I use to be jealous. I have grown a lot but I have also made a lot of mistakes dating. I use to chase and as a woman it just doesn't work. I use to put in more effort and now I put in the same effort. There's sooo many things I have had to work on and yet I am still a work in progress. No one goes into marriage knowing how to act, what to do. It all takes making mistakes and learning from them. Guys who are players know how the game works they learn things

[Changiis07]

@slartybartfast if you haven't yet you should watch the law of attraction on Netflix it is soo good!! Highly recommend, just a suggestion

[Slartybartfast]

@Changiis07
It's to late for me, I wanted a family and it's not like I had many options. it's why I gave up trying at thirty like most guys I know..

[Changiis07]

Oh my gosh!! you are only 31!!! I see people marrying at 40, 50, 60... it's never too late. We just want to be married at a certain age but guess what people find love at ANY age!!! Change your mindset a bit and stop thinking negative thoughts

[Lovesims3plumbob]

Not Chase or Chase. I should be trying to find a option instead of think that high school is always about chasing or being chaster. I don't waste you time waiting. it will never work out. Yes , I was rejected more than once with some guys. I write a letter to one to my crush and also got reject. another guy that i also tried to ask me to rejected very rudely.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Neither. I believe in mutual and equal energy of interest.

I'm not going to chase around no woman and I expect her to respect herself and not be thirsty for me when I'm not interested in her.

Once she gives me the sign that's she's interested and I like her then I will initiate but the interest has to be mutual and equal.

Unbalanced interest is a disaster if you get in a relationship with someone.

[Pyrofox]

Its best when its done mutually tbh. The best relationships muchless marriages are when its clear both parties are actively putting their money where their mouth is. And the relationship is constantly pushing one another to the best they can do.

[ElvenMr]

To chase. Because if a girl shows her interest in a me, i can still be the chaser.. and she can continue to show interest in me, but i'm still the one doing the chasing, she just let's me catch her lol

Wait, why is the majority of men in the to be chased section?

[Flower7]

I actually enjoy pursuing guys, but due to the way our society is set up, women who do that are seen negatively and viewed as creepy, desperate, or stalker-ish.

[JSmuve]

I think guys are more likely to be called these things than women. For guys, there's a very thin line between being persistent and being a stalker. For women, guys are more forgiving about it.

[Flower7]

@JSmuve Well in my experience, guys responded very badly to me showing interest in them and even made fun of me to their friends because of it.

[JSmuve]

Give me some examples of them responding "very badly"

[Flower7]

@JSmuve Well as I mentioned, making fun of me to their friends. Also calling me a stalker to other people. And spreading rumors about me being obsessed with them.

[JSmuve]

That sounds like some high-school level stuff. Guys experience that stuff too. I remember being around some girls while they'd shit-talk guys for approaching them. They'd criticize them relentlessly. "Creep" and "eww" were words that got thrown around a lot. Completely disrespectful. I learned a lot about what women think about being approached from listening to them.

[Flower7]

@JSmuve This was during adulthood. Some were quite recently actually.

[JSmuve]

Same. Some people's maturity levels never graduate from high school.

[Flower7]

@JSmuve I really have been dragged for expressing feelings for a guy in any way.

[JSmuve]

We all have those types of stories. I certainly do.

[Flower7]

@JSmuve Well it’s not only guys who have that problem.

[JSmuve]

And guys are still expected to get up, approach, and ask out another woman, regardless of how humiliating the previous rejection was.

[Anonymous]

Well men approaching women will more than likely always remain the norm, it's the burden of having a penis and testosterone, though men are not supposed to resent that according to society and many people

[lilyanony1]

Well I should hope not it's one of the very few things left that a man can do. And hopefully in this modern society he approaches a woman in a respectful manner with the intention of having something longterm.

[Opinion Owner]

Speaking of my lifelong resentment of how women almost never approach men

[Slartybartfast]

It's nice to know women are as clueless about what's demanded of men, or what respectful approaching is likely to get them these days.

I'd rather eat glass. But if eating glass was a good way to get a date, more men would do this than use tinder.

[Anonymous]

Neither. If either person feels the need to chase, it's probably not a mutual level of interest. I prefer to find the person who I hit it off with where we're both interested in keeping the conversation and dating going.

[Adam_DoesArt]

I'm pretty sure chasing a potential date, just means making the first move, and risking rejection. When I think of chasing, the first thing that comes to mind, is a guy going up to a woman in a bar, and hitting on her. The chasing ends if she rejects him, otherwise it becomes stalking, lmao.

[Opinion Owner]

@Adam_DoesArt I think there is a difference between making the first move and chasing. Chasing is being the person who always texts first, who always tries harder to keep the relationship going, who wants more than the other person is giving them.

[Adam_DoesArt]

Ah, okay fair enough, that makes sense. 🤘😎

[Still-alive]

no chasing. just ask. if yes, continue, if no, do not continue

[lilyanony1]

That's interesting. Because I often feel like so chasing is still required until you are exclusive. Or is that not true for you?

[Still-alive]

I just keep going on a few dates and if i feel like we are hitting it off ill aak to escalate it.

I just dont like this chasing stuff as it makes me feel like a game is being played. Im just too old for games at this point

[lilyanony1]

I understand thank you for explaining. But one last thing if a woman were inviting you out before you asked, or the first/last text of the day, how would you feel?

[Still-alive]

Fine with me. If i liked her id go

[ellEyeInnKay]

Maybe im weird, but i dont want to date two people at the same time. Ever. In any situation

[FlutteringFeelings]

There has to be mutual interest. A guy should pursue and the women reciprocate but if anyone is chasing then that tells me someone isn’t interested.

[ohshee]

There's days that I get so busy that if you don't hit me over the head and tell me then I'm not going to know LOL most of the time anyway

[DizzyDesii]

Usually if either of us is chasing the other, then the feelings are not balanced or as mutual as they should be. So neither honestly.

[menina]

I've never dated but I guess it's better to be chased.

[sage2021]

Men are hunters by nature. They like the chase. So, he can chase me 😊

[lovey44]

The chase is on!!

[sage2021]

Ooh La La! 🌝

[lovey44]

Sage 2021
Lol...

[lovey44]

Round and round till I catch you!

[sage2021]

lovey44 catch me if you can 🤗

[lovey44]

I am still pretty quick at 52!

[sage2021]

@love44 I'm pretty fast myself 👟👟👣
One time this guy chased me for seven months before he caught me 🤗

[lovey44]

In my sights... i'd give you 7minutes just fire the thrill of the chase. Kinda like the ache before the... well you know!!

[sage2021]

@lovey44 🔥

[ChrisMaster69]

Ideally it should be mutual.

one asks the other, they agree you date, learn about each other, then keep dating or end it.

it’s not really chasing a person.

[Fireguy17]

I don't play games, you either want to be with me or you don't.
If not, I will simply move on.

[Cherry234]

I like to be chased (but only if I have even the slightest interest in the guy).

[drowsydaffodil]

to be chased, but if i really like them i might just try to chase them