Should I just start lying to guys to avoid being judged?

Question

I am so sick and tired of having to explain to every guy that I have not been in a relationship with anyone yet and then the follow up questions that come along with it. They are always trying to figure out if I am a virgin, if I’ve ever kissed a guy, if I’ve ever been in any type of romantic relationship and the answer is always no.

They are always very shocked and tell me that it is very hard to believe because I am way too attractive for me to be this age and have not been with anyone yet.

So should I just start lying and pretending like I’ve dated multiple guys before because it’s so annoying getting the type of responses that I get. I’m just So over it because I get judged and some guys end up blocking me because I’m a virgin and I just don’t think it’s fair to treat me any less than just because I chose not to be with anyone yet.

Puppystarfish23 · Accepted Answer

I can relate and I lied too before I met my boyfriend. I was actually very proud of being a virgin for someone stupid reason when I was younger and would use it to my advantage with guys. I see how stupid that was now.

I was so embarrassed to have never even been kissed before or been on a date so I lied to my friends. I had romantic interests but it would never go anywhere because I was to shy.

I started to believe relationships just weren't on the cards for me until I made a really good friend and he pretty much told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get myself out there. He set me up a tinder without me knowing and showed me all the men who matched with me to make me feel more confident. A few of the lads I spoke to were really shocked when I amitted was a total virgin to dating as a whole and would keep trying to get it out of me to find out if I was a virgin but I didn't think that was something I should share. Some guessed and some seemed really confused.

I was also honest when it came to dating because I wanted to see how the guy would react and I wanted him to like me for me. If I made out like I had loads of experiences then it came to the first kiss I would have looked like a idoit.

Luckily for me my now boyfriend was in the exact same position as me and when I told him I'd never been kissed he went really quite and said nothing. He told me he was thinking "thank god" because he'd never kissed anyone so if it was bad I wouldn't know any difference 😂

Are first kiss was so embarrassing but that's another story

Mary087 · Accepted Answer

I’m gonna start off by saying that everyone’s life and path turns out different. Not everyone’s path and experiences will occur at a very young age like teens or early 20s even, for some people it’s soon, for others it’s a bit later. I wish I had all the answers actually for why that is but I’d say it’s just the way life and fate plays out. I also wanna say you shouldn’t beat yourself up over this because it’s nothing to be ashamed of, experiences come with time and socializing with people naturally. I was actually a late bloomer and if people wanna ridicule or put me down for it, accuse me all they want, I really don’t give two fucks. I was 22 when I really went all the way with a guy and barley getting more intimate experiences at 23 and that’s fine. I have been in a few relationships too but let me tell you, relationships aren’t easy! They take a lot of communication, effort, time, trust, etc but their worth it with someone you vibe and connect with of course but take your time and I’m sure there are wonderful things to come your way. Don’t lie because your dodging a bullet letting go of those guys who can’t respect you as a person. A genuine guy will admire and love you the way you are regardless of your relationship/sexual experience. Coming from a girl like me who was an outcast in high school and called names by bullies, I’ll say adulthood isn’t all that bad and we didn’t miss much, heck I have got laid by two hot guys, girl your time is coming to find that dream guy of yours. Don’t give up.

dontgetafemalecanine · Accepted Answer

That sounds very unfair for you. Maybe you could select talking to genuine guys (or I don't know someone you are interested) whom you are interested and mature instead of these stupid as questions. You should block them instead. by the way you have no obligation to explain anything to anyone. (Even if you are nice and you tend to text back to people,) don't text back (that way they will back off and leave you to time finding people you are interested). (our time is valuable and limited)

However, everyone is different when you approach them tho. You do what you want.

(side note: I have never heard of anyone pry one's privacy with those kind of questions listed in your first paragraph - oh prob 1 of my friend (long distance atm)

I'm a "weird" one coz I really don't care about all that (in your first paragraph). it has no benefit to me knowing those. (maybe someone cares) I care about the virtues this person possesses - maybe we could be friends. there are loyal friendships between guys and girls.)

Craftsman · Accepted Answer

Lying is not the answer. Truth will emerge all too soon if covered up.
A genuine honest man will most likely tilt his head, nod, and take into consideration that you have not had the experience so many have had, as yet. He may be curious, though it's probably not as big a deal as it may feel to you right now.
Honesty is to be encouraged, in yourself as well as in anyone with whom you have social contact.
The nice thing about honesty is that you have to only remember truth, not a string of stories you have to fight to keep straight. Life is a lot easier that way. Besides, honesty will encourage honesty in any partner you may find, so it's real plus, from where I sit.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Never let someone's reaction to your truth make you tell a lie... If they can't handle or accept your truth, they're not the right person for you.. And never let someone shame you for being a virgin. What ass backwards world are we living with that people try to shame people for being responsible about sex and not having sex with just anyone but give props to people that will fuck anything with a hole or a ding ding... Be you, be proud... Stay true to yourself...

Guy13 · Answer

Any potential serious or marrying material relationship, that starts in a lie, ends in a lie. Tell them to MYOB and don’t ask those questions until I invite you to do so, Stupid.

Dont take any 💩 from them within the good-manners continuum.

Anonymous · Answer

You should not have to tell any man who is not dating you if you are or are not a virgin. That is NOT their business.

I'm approaching 30 and I have worried about having to explain to men why I haven't been married and why I do not have any kids. But then I thought, actually... I don't. I haven't been married because I haven't. I don't have kids because I don't. But I am open to letting a guy change that. So for you, find a smooth way of saying things without lying. Maybe try: "I was living my life, having fun, and I wasn't worried about a relationship. Now, I am at a point where it's something I want in my life." If you feel the need to answer if you've ever kissed a guy but you're not secure in saying no... draw a stick figure, name him guy, kiss him and now the answer is yes. Whoever's asking can figure out the details when the time comes for that to matter. If it's too much for you to answer, you can simply say "let's talk about something else, are you into sports?" and go from there with the start of a different conversation.

Those who are asking you all of these sexual questions are prying and there's a reason they're doing it. Telling these guys you're a virgin isn't something I'd recommend doing. You'll find yourself telling the wrong guy. There are going to be guys who are going to play with your mind to take advantage just to be your first. I recommend not answering any sexual questions unless you're ready for things to become sexual. Guys asking you sexual questions too soon can be a red flag that could mean he's all about sex.

. Lastly, the guy that's right for you isn't going to care if you're a virgin or whether or not you've been in a relationship.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

You probably also found guys who when they find out you are a virgin suddenly that is all they care about, they don't care about you, they care about wanting to take that.

I'd just say, none of your business until we get closer and know each other better. He doesn't need to know that until you are thinking of getting real serious.

I always have focused on the present, its not until I see a future with someone that we have the talk, usually after date 6 or so, I start letting things out and then by 12, I have a talk with him about it all.

Starting out telling someone everything, is a sure way to overload someone or have them think, she's nuts for dropping that all on me at once.

BluishGaze · Answer

You could lie if you want...

These sound like a bunch of random guys, so who cares. If it were me, I don't really see the purpose of lying. I'd rather just tell the truth, and if they think less of me for it, then at least I know they weren't the person I was looking for. But if you lie, and then you happen to really like that person, you'd have to come clean eventually, right? Then they might wonder what else you'd lie about. So maybe keep that in mind.

I don't understand the stigma of being a virgin. I'm in my mid 30s now and I'm still a virgin. I'd rather search for as long as it takes to find that special someone. I'd want her to be my first time, and I'd want to be her first time, too.

InventorofWarp · Answer

Ah this is exactly my life as a 25-year-old man.
Even moreso because my older brother is a fat bald guy currently engaged and when he and I sit next to each other and women talk to us they find it hard to believe he's the womanizer who's slept with like every woman on Earth including extended family and I, the ripped male model and musician and heavily tattooed tall guy, am the one still waiting for the right woman.
And then I get all of the "you're lying" and "there's no possible way, if you're not willing to share your numbers after I shared mine then we're done here". Or even better is "what's wrong with you?". Like just because I'm a man and I'm 25 and I don't look like my brother and am out of Uni I should logically be fucking everyone I meet? It's kinda ridiculous tbh.

StephanieL · Answer

Well I definitely wouldn't lie in your situation. A lot of guys see women who have had little or no sexual partners as marriage material. If they block you, it's probably because they just want sex, nothing more and you probably won't give them that since you are a virgin.

I am in the opposite situation. I am not ashamed to say I have had quite a large amount of sexual partners. So I'm constantly getting hit on by guys who just want a quick fuck but have a very hard time finding a guy who wants a serious relationship once they find out about my number. Like you, I am actually thinking about lying about my number, but make it smaller instead of bigger.

LetsBeHonestHere · Answer

Female here, and seeing what I have in my life it is probably best for you to not say anything about that to a guy. Some males have that fetish of taking the V away from a girl. I will say it may be hard to keep that out of a conversation when it comes to him thinking he’s gonna get some, but that’s when you say simply that you don’t just screw people that you have morals and values. If you don’t plan on having a future with a person it is none of their business that you are a virgin. Those are personal things about you, and you said some of them they would block you. That means they probably only wanted one thing from you and knew they weren’t getting it. Kudos to you also for staying that way especially with todays society.

Hello4242 · Answer

Wow, I am so sorry that you have had experiences where men have judged you for not having had a relationship, and for being a virgin. If I were you, I would try and see it as a blessing, because the men who are judging you for it are not the men for you. And honestly, maybe not men at all.

I don’t know what your reasoning is for not having had a relationship yet, but I think in this day and age, that it is refreshing. OWN IT. Be proud of it! And.. never, ever lie about it. This is something to be proud of. And finding an amazing man is hard. Try not to get too disillusioned along the way, and you will eventually find your man who will not only not judge you, but love this about you!

Good luck girl.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Teust me everyone judges everyone. Only someone judges you and speaks or asks questions to you directly.
While others tend to find things about in more covert ways.

As far as I can tell, people asking questions on the face can seem violating privacy, irritating, headbutting and l such things, but that is it. They do not ask you more.

Other people can violate your privacy on multiple levels without you knowing.

You must be proud of yourself for such patience at the peak of your life.
Because the guys who are really looking for a stable long term relationship will have more respect about you in this way. Respect for the patience.

The guys who ghosted you most probably were looking for a hookup or something of that nature.

BirdieBeep · Answer

Depends what you're looking for. Are you looking for casual relationships or something serious? If you're looking for a serious relationship, it's worth being honest. Guys who are uncomfortable with being with someone that "innocent" just feel bad and awkward because they might feel like they're taking advantage of someone inexperienced, and usually it's because they want to keep it casual and not serious, and don't want to deal with a woman that they feel might take it too seriously. A guy who really likes you and is serious might be surprised about it, but it won't be a deal breaker. A guy who is serious about you, or has acceptably fallen for you, won't mind being your first. If anything, they might even really like the fact. If you're looking to date casually, I don't see why even bring up the body count subject up at all.

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

Congratulations on that, people make being a virgin seem sooo bad and belittle you for it.. That’s one of the reasons why I lost my virginity in my teens.. Please wait until you find the right guy, I promise you that you’re not missing out on anything.. You don’t have to lie about it, it’s a beautiful thing! It’s becoming so rare that people are still saving themselves for the right person. You’re a needle in a haystack right now, so I would just say avoid the dating websites. Those places are breeding grounds for players, liars, and cheaters.. So many of them lie about being in relationships. (At least from my experiences)

Anonymous · Answer

The only silver lining is that you’re a woman. If you were a man in this scenario things would be 10x harder.

I lost virginity at 16 but I didn’t have a true and real relationship until 32. I had several flings but never anything that last more than 3 months.

I didn’t volunteer any information to my then girlfriend at 32 any specific details about my past “relationships” or lack thereof. I just didn’t see in anyway possible that could of benefitted what we had. I didn’t lie about anything but I didn’t say much about my past either. I was sexually active all though my 20s but nothing of solidarity with one person.

Lionman95 · Answer

Maybe it would help if you changed the place where you look for guys. Because I wouldn´t start lying that wouldn´t be helpful either especially when they find that you´re lying to them.
Because it sounds like you´re approached by guys that have a high sexual interest. I would rather try to change to place where guys are not that sexually focused like at day time activities or through mutual friends.

Oigit · Answer

The truth has a way of coming out when it comes to dating and relationships. I know answering the same questions and being subjected to the same judgement repeatedly can get really old. But it's better to deal with that then have the truth come put at some point and have it create some potentially big issues.

tata1993 · Answer

You don’t have to lie and you don’t have to give any information if you’re not ready too. Just say I’m not comfortable talking about this at this point and then when you establish a solid connection where you are comfortable sharing and opening up without the worry that they’d judge, u can tell them… but again I don’t have to share information about yourself with just anyone or before you’re ready and comfortable

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

Why would you start lying that would just make you an untrusted person when the truth eventually came out and you'd risk loosing the one guy who right for you but doesn't trust liers.

Also consider the guys who block a lucky escape, you really don't want to end up with someone so pathetic.

noamazia · Answer

im in the same situation.
and my reply is always " i wasn't really interested until i was in my 20s and since then i started dating here and there but it never became a relationship. so i haven't found someone yet".
never got questioned after that, at least not about my past. but i do sometimes get "so what kind of a relationship do you want?".

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Always be honest. If a man ask, just say it in a matter of fact kind of way, "I'm waiting for marriage. I want the 1st guy I sleep with to be my husband." This not only shows you're marriage minded, but will scare away guys who aren't interested in commitment. If he starts asking perverse questions, let him know these questions make you uncomfortable. If he persist now or later, then leave/block.

20yearsolder · Answer

I would suggest that you continue to tell the truth, what happens if you tell the story that you've been in a few relationships blah blah blah and then it comes down to the time of having sex, you're an experienced and it's going to show. Tell the guys that you haven't been in a relationship, I'm not going to take questions on it. I'm here right now and depending on how this conversation goes will decide whether I'm interested in you or not

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Don't do that. Stay true to what actually has happened in your dating life, because all you are doing here is filtering out the weird guys that are just going to make it miserable for you. Lying also becomes a slippery slope. Stay true and be patient.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Sounds like you're messing with dudes that just want to fuck TBH. And TBH further that holding out on the pussy stuff is probably really annoying to them as well. You got to learn to shop correctly for dudes that have the same moral principles as you. Otherwise, you keep running into a date with dudes that just want some fucking. Which is not that uncommon of a problem for chicks nowadays.

Anonymous · Answer

This is more common problem for men. Maybe the guys who didn't want are just wanting sleep around but no relationship or maybe they don't like how you look and use excuse. Woman is more attractive the less men she slept with and men are more attractive more women he sleeps with. A virgin woman will always have more options than sluts because virgins are wanted by men who want real life relationship marriage material but sluts are only wanted by online dating to pump and dump

I like relationships and not dirty hookups so if you were honest you would be perfect for most of us. If you said you slept around then I won't think you like relationships and only sleep around so deal breaker for me. Liars are more unattractive than virgins and sluts combined so don't be a liar unless you want them to think you are a cheater spreading aids

Phoenix98 · Answer

Put the shoe on the other foot how would you feel if guys started lying to you to avoid your judgement?

also if you lie your gonna be judged for being a liar the moment your found out.

and if you should start dating or a relationship with lies. Something started and based on lies will never succeed or go anywhere.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Why would you lie just to get guys you hate to like you?

Just date a guy who wants a virgin, they are 3 times as common as the commitment phobic man-whores (only they will never hit on you, because you're pretty, so you must already be taken)

You're gonna have to be the driver on this one.

kitty71 · Answer

You are not alone lady Im 50 and I went through the same thing with a guy I used to like and was attracted but he was no virgin and he was in relationships before and also even some male friends that Im not in a relationship with ask me the saem question. With the guy I liked I had to lie twice so I wotn be judge or the guy wotn loose interested in me for being with a lady who had not background experinece of lets say having a boyfriend or know about relationships

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

yea its the same with me, only that we guys get judged on way more harsh. If a girl hasn't had a boyfriend at 25 she is just shy, more conservative, lets say its social acceptable. While if you have a guy age 25 and never had a girlfriend, its "eww red flag, maybe he is a creep or psycho lets avoid him",

Gigi2019 · Answer

If you choose not to be intimate with guys, why are you having these sexual conversations with guys? I'm confused. There is nothing wrong (and everything right) with being a virgin in 2022. Most people become STD Museums by the time they hit 30.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds to me like you might just need a break from dating period for now? But no don't lie. Would you want a guy lying to you about anything? Personally I'd figure out a way for it not to bother me so much if it were me. Annoying? Sure, but figure out how to let it not get to you. Or like I say, maybe you just need to be single for a while and take a break from dating?

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Tell them you’re a total slut, you’re not interested unless it’s 10-12 inches and black. You have a tattoo on your has called queen of spades, and you don’t remember the last guy you fucked because you were hogtied. They’ll shut up and won’t judge you at all.

nawtee_me · Answer

Hey, I am proud of you for being who you are and not what others think you should be. It takes courage to stick to your guns with people you meet. It takes even more courage to stick to them with friends and people you have known for what seems like ever.

Flower7 · Answer

If you’re meeting these guys on dating sites, maybe you should just put that information on your profile so they can read about it ahead of time. Then you wouldn’t have to get into the back and forth conversation that you’ve had so many times.

KarinMcDonald · Answer

Just practice saying this phrase. "it's none of your business" "it's none of your business" You can divulge your personal information to whom ever you want, or not. You have freewill. Don't try to make it work with somebody that doesn't matter.

dustybiker · Answer

Then you are creating your own trap. You’ll find the perfect man, but have already started lying. Trust will be broken. What you could have had won’t happen. Never shoot yourself in the foot. Be genuine.

weysally · Answer

never lie about anything like that, it could back and bite you in the ass, if I was in your position I would at first ask why they don't believe what I tell them, and if its a kind of shrug of their shoulder type of response I would say good bye,

Platy · Answer

No don't. Just tell them none of your concern. If they are getting all frank with you than tell them that it is annoying you. That you would like some space.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Nah don't lie, that makes you something you aren't... Nope, just print out your question and make several copies of it.. Then when they ask all those tedious questions? hand them a copy to read!

Anonymous · Answer

No, women aren't judged negatively for virginity. If anything, it's a positive. Men are harshly judged for inexperience. You shouldn't make up the fact that you're not a slut. Wear it as a source of pride.

Citizenkirk · Answer

I think you are overthinking it a bit. Try talking to different guys from different walks if life and see if you can get a different response to your situation.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

Why tf is a guy asking how many guys you kissed or why are the virgin shaming you? Redflag. I can understand when a guy asks your bodycount but further is unnecassary and rude.

TexasRed95 · Answer

I haven't been in a relationship and I'm always honest about it. I don't want them expecting me to know what I'm doing.

loveslongnails · Answer

Why don't you just start out telling someone who's interested in you that: a) You've never kissed a guy  b) You've never been in any type of romantic relationship c) You're still a virgin

Anonymous · Answer

I am a virgin guy and it's similar or worse. On dates women assume bad stuff about you or make fun or leave. Some tried to set me up with hookers. As a girl you still have it way easier.
I am used to it now. Before going to date , I already assume she's gonna leave after hearing truth, but after waiting for such long time, I don't wanna lie to get into relationships.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't lie about it in my opinion. There are guys who would love to date a virgin girl. I would love that for example. I would think more of you, not less if you told me that.
I might not believe you at first, but based on your behaviour etc, i would probably start believing you.

If a guy really doesn't believe you, then just tell him you don't want to talk about it. If he blocks you or does something else you don't like, then that guy is probably not worth your time anyway.

theeliigilbert · Answer

No need to do that it’s best to always be honest for them to know the truth even if they it hurts them.

spartan55 · Answer

If you choose to lie about that you will make things worse for yourself. Starting any relationship out with lies is not a good thing.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Why are you being upfront with strangers? You owe them nothing. Stop telling people you don't know so much about you. Some things are better left unsaid

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, you shouldn't lie. Be confident and proud of who you are. If people can't accept that, then they don't deserve you.

I'm a virgin, too, and I don't care what people think. I know who I am and what I believe in and what I want for my life.

Berethor · Answer

Lying is bad, also many guys prefer a virgin over a slut.

annabananna · Answer

You can just say that’s personal. You can wait till you get to know someone better to let them know. It’s really no one’s business that’s not serious with you anyway.

genericname85 · Answer

Well give them the answer they wanna have before they ask. Tell them that you are still a virgins though open to change that. Then they don't need to ask.

Staximus · Answer

You having not been in a relationship yet might be seen as a bonus by some people, because you do not have past relationship psychological baggage that they will have to deal with.

Fuentes · Answer

Depends of you eamt something srs tell the truth, but if you told me you
Know nothing i'd block you but you should know my type from a mile away so i would suggest you lie to me if your not looking for nothing srs

GaGirls · Answer

Same.  If they block you that is a sign they're not what you're looking for.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

The only guys that are going to judge you for this are the one’s looking for a hookup or casual dating/sex.

Anonymous · Answer

I am like you too. I have not been in relationship yet and i am 26. I think people find this very weird that i haven’t even had my first kiss and had sex. I think to lie too.

Anonymous · Answer

I would not go as far as lying, but you can say it is too private for you to share early in a relation. Asking for sexual history is not something you do with just anyone.

bowenw · Answer

You should make up a story that you've been with several guys and see how they react. If they are suddenly not interested in you, you dodged a bullet.

exitseven · Answer

no, don't lie. If somebody does not accept you for who you are then they are not worth it.

Pohjolan · Answer

No.  If he is really interested in you and happens to consider your virginity a problem then he should also volunteer to fix it.

Should I just start lying to guys to avoid being judged?

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