Do guys not want to date girls who were in a physically abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

I had a boyfriend a few years ago; he was my first boyfriend and it turned abusive and he ended up breaking my nose. I needed 3 surgeries after because the first 2 failed and I looked disfigured bc my nose like collapsed but now I look normal. Just wondering if I tell a guy this would he not want anything to do with me? The relationship was only 6 months and I am fully healed mentally and emotionally, just physically sometimes I get down on myself since I’ll never look the same and can’t breathe out of one nostril so it’s a bit annoying lol

Updates

+1 y

I now love myself and am mentally sound and just want a really healthy beautiful loving relationship. At the time I didn’t even know it was a abusive until it got bad really fast. But now I’m concerned it makes me like unappealing

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I’d hope they do, we aren’t undeserving of love or completely shattered people. I’m so sorry you went through that.


Reading these comments, I’m just shocked. Not all of us are irredeemable. I’ve dealt with abuse, and I admit, I still have some issues because of it, but a good man will understand and be there for you.

[Asker]

Thank you 💗 I’m sorry you’ve gone through that too.

I know! That’s not really fair to clump all together like that based on our past experiences. Everyone has a different story and is a different person.

[ohshee]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are my hero because you have said it out loud and I hope if any girl is going through this. Type of thing will read your question because in many ways you are a lucky one because you are still with us..
I can not speak for any other guy . I can say this for me. I can feel who you are on the inside from your words you are a beautiful person within with a beautiful heart you care your smart and you have gone through hell and you can still smile yes I would date you because I love strong confident women. You have to remember when a man knows who he is and what he wants he looks into the inside of a person to see who she really is the out side of a person is just and extra bonus I know for a fact I would date you.. can I ask you did you make sure he went to jail for hurting you

[lightbulb27]

that would be no problem and maybe a positive because you showed resilience. people who are inexperienced dating don't know themselves and so make mistakes. this why need to date some and pay attention to others to learn.

this may be more a matter a heart of the man, his personality andmaybe that's helpful to avoid another abusive male. I would be curious though how you selected him. Picking once... not a big deal, picking several times... that's a pattern that needs examined as to why.

[Asker]

Thank you 💞 yeah I was just super inexperienced and thought he seemed like a lot of fun when we first met… he was kinda wild (in a good way) and unlike my upbringing. I wasn’t really viewing long term or knew what love was at all. He was my first real boyfriend. I’ve dated other guys that are all very different from each other but yeah that one was my longest. I really wanted to help him too. I knew he was in pain, mentally, and being naive I thought I could pull him out of his depression and anger and self hatred. But it was a losing game from the start.

[Asker]

I also was a child. I’ve grown up a lot since then, thankfully!

[lightbulb27]

Good. I had to learn my limits even though I wanted to save “wounded birds”. People only change when they recognize it and choose to. Good job… hope you find your good mate soon.

[lrina]

i'm sorry you had to go through all of that, but i think guys wouldn't care too much.

[Asker]

Thank you 💗💗

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t stop me from dating a girl,

you just gotta find the right guy. That won't do that to you.

but personally no, Stuff like that wouldn’t put me off.

my girlfriend. has a bad studder, If that tells you anything, She has a hard time getting certain words out. And it gets worse if she’s nervous.

so i Am not biased. About a girls past, Or quirks she has. So as long as we are good for eachother


you will find the right one.

good luck. And keep digging!!!

[skytatoe]

Be completely honest with you, it's a red flag.

I'd have to look with a lot more scrutiny. Lots of bad things happen in life, sometimes its bad luck, but sometimes its people attracting bad shit to them in the way they behave, choose the people they hang around with etc...

So abuse is a big issue. If you've got a girl has had a past of abusive partners its usually a no-go. If it's just the one time, I'd still want a lot more details before on why it happened, how, and where she's at not mentally and emotionally.

Its tough, not obviously really fair. But its the way it is.

[Jamie05rhs]

I once fell in love with a girl with a broken nose. So I wouldn't worry too much about that. I think you're fine.

Now, granted, I have other concerns apart from the nose.
But none of this is your fault. So please, please, please don't judge yourself for anything that happened.

I'm glad you are safe.

[Asker]

You’re the best, thank you 💗

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome! 🙂

[robbenn69]

I would not talk specifically about your past at first. I have a deviated septum and don't breathe out of both nostrils, so that is completely normal. I am sure you are quite pretty and are being too harsh on yourself. If you want to say something about it, say you had an accident and your nose got broken, again, another fairly common occurrence. I am sure he will reassure you that you are beautiful in his eyes and that's all that matters. Maybe after a while, if you feel he is compassionate enough to understand, then you can tell him the accident you had was having an abusive boyfriend who broke your nose, whom you left because you were not going to tolerate physical violence from a man. Men are generally protective and like women who take action over those who do not.

[Lionman95]

I think it would make you only unappealing if you start pointing it out to every guy you meet. Don´t tell a guy until you´re sure how you feel about it. i wouldn´t tell a guy straight from the beginning because it can along a way you don´t want things to go.
It´s something you should tell a guy at some point though but it´s nothing you should focus completely.
It´s not a criteria to not date you it´s just something that´s overwhelming when you don´t know how to react to that.

[NamerOfStars]

Well, aside from being more concerned about being perceived as threatening (I have the physical aggression and killer instinct of a lawn chair; but I'm enormous), and possibly being on eggshells a little, at least at first, I don't see a problem. I'd imagine that really does a number on you, and THAT might cause concerns among some guys, though.

[UniquelyBasic]

Sorry you went through that but I dont care if a future girlfriend went through some trauma. I would be compassionate and respectful of her past experience and we would work through them together, if thats what she needs.

[Asker]

Aw thank you 💗 that’s nice to hear (: you sound kind (:

[RealMarek]

It’s sad that you had to endure abuse and I’m glad you got through it. Abusive people can be difficult to detect at first and difficult to escape. Fortunately, there are a lot of nice men who want healthy, loving relationships and will appreciate a woman who is good to them.

[cloud9vortex1234]

I'm sorry you had to go through that It's good you didn't stay in that environment like some women seem to naively do. I don't know if I would date someone like that or not. It depends on if she has a pattern of picking those types of men and not learning from her mistakes. If you can't learn from your mistakes then chances are it's spilling over into other areas. I might date her. However, if I got the impression she hasn't healed then I would be out because I'm not interested in being negatively affected by something I had nothing to do with.

[DaveJord]

I would say if your over the events of the past that you don't have to tell a guy about it. But if your still having issues with men over it then yes you should be honest about it with him. Don't fall into the mind trap of thinking men don't want damaged goods, because its not true. But men do want emotionally stable and secure women... so if you're not done with the healing process then you need to be upfront about it.

[bamesjond0069]

1. If you have baggage from it... huge turn off. There was another post where the girl asked for rough sex, got rough sex, then cried and ghosted her boyfriend because it reminded her of past abuse. Yeah nobody wanna deal with shit like that.

2. If you have a history of abuse thats not on them anymore thats YOUR failing. If i date a girl with 4 exbfs and all were abusive or otherwise losers... yeah maybe they are shitty, but im not dating them, the girl is also shitty to have chose such shitty guys, or if she stayed with an abuser for a long time she has mental issues. Personally i dont date shitty ass women, all my exgfs were quite awesome, most are now married, if i bumped into any of them on the street we would get along wonderfully. The fact a girl only has shitty things to say about exbfs means she got issues herself.

[Staximus]

Girls choosing to stay in an abusive relationship instead of leaving at the first sign of abuse is a psychological red flag. It shows the girl has some kind of psychological need for abuse, usually stemming from past trauma caused by an abusive father who physically abused her mother and or her. The abused person gravitates to this abusive environment because it is what they were used to and perceived as normal growing up. I dummy know if you grew up in an abusive home but you have to break the cycle of abuse and never let yourself be abused again.

[Anonymous]

Nah not so much like when I was younger. Before I used to feel really bad for girls like that. Now that I'm older and wiser I simply ask why she stayed around all that time. Either she's not very bright, not mentally sound, has terrible self esteem, has daddy issues or just no daddy or terrible parents. I don't want that type of girl bearing my kids and raising them. I wouldn't trust her to raise them right with me tbh and I wouldn't trust her as a partner very much as such women often will cheat down the road or file for divorce. It's hard enough trusting women today, especially with the courts and all. So it makes me not want to.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No, I would date a girl who was physically abused I would just want her to know that I am a very loving guy, who loves to show affection, I love kisses, hugs, etc

[Asker]

You’re sweet 💞

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Asker Thank you <3 <3

[Juxtapose]

Almost no woman I have been with has had a past without any abuse. It's to the point now where when I fly to visit family members that have not been abused (my family is pretty cool and fortunate) it feels like dealing with a different breed of woman entirely even though I grew up with them before I moved to a different state.

[Dominique95glee]

Ok I know what you went throw because I went throw the same thing but I always tell the guys I with what happend and I tell them it what scared me and that it was a dark time but If any of them don’t want to be with me because of what someone else did than they are not even worth our time because we are Survivors Wicth makes us the best people for guys to date

[jshm2]

To be honest most guys/girls get put off by that sort of thing as it means either you're a psycho, or they are expected to be extra-sensitive with you.

But the past is never a good thing to dwell over and you should not bring up these sorts of things when talking to new partners.

[mobjay82]

It depends if you couldn’t get out of it. If believed it was your that means you will have issues. It’s because a lot these women develop ptsd. A lot handle situations poorly. A lot women choose men like this because of there toxic environment. It’s our job to make sure our kids grow up healthy and safe by watching how we talk and treat our significant other

[Kaneki05]

Would make me want to hug and comfort her. Which then would make me like her.
So I would.

[Asker]

Awwww you’re sweet!☺️

[Kaneki05]

Thanks :)

[exitseven]

I dated someone that was abused by her parents. She had issues and several times she would be abusive to me. I kept hoping that she would see that I loved her and would trust me. I tried to get her to see a therapist. She got angry at me and would not return my calls and she moved out of where she was living and I could not find where she went. I am not sure if I would do it again.