Do guys not want to date girls who were in a physically abusive relationship?

Question

I had a boyfriend a few years ago; he was my first boyfriend and it turned abusive and he ended up breaking my nose. I needed 3 surgeries after because the first 2 failed and I looked disfigured bc my nose like collapsed but now I look normal. Just wondering if I tell a guy this would he not want anything to do with me? The relationship was only 6 months and I am fully healed mentally and emotionally, just physically sometimes I get down on myself since I’ll never look the same and can’t breathe out of one nostril so it’s a bit annoying lol

ohshee · Accepted Answer

I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are my hero because you have said it out loud and I hope if any girl is going through this. Type of thing will read your question because in many ways you are a lucky one because you are still with us..
I can not speak for any other guy . I can say this for me. I can feel who you are on the inside from your words you are a beautiful person within with a beautiful heart you care your smart and you have gone through hell and you can still smile yes I would date you because I love strong confident women. You have to remember when a man knows who he is and what he wants he looks into the inside of a person to see who she really is the out side of a person is just and extra bonus I know for a fact I would date you.. can I ask you did you make sure he went to jail for hurting you

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

that would be no problem and maybe a positive because you showed resilience. people who are inexperienced dating don't know themselves and so make mistakes. this why need to date some and pay attention to others to learn.

this may be more a matter a heart of the man, his personality andmaybe that's helpful to avoid another abusive male. I would be curious though how you selected him. Picking once... not a big deal, picking several times... that's a pattern that needs examined as to why.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Accepted Answer

I’d hope they do, we aren’t undeserving of love or completely shattered people. I’m so sorry you went through that.

Reading these comments, I’m just shocked. Not all of us are irredeemable. I’ve dealt with abuse, and I admit, I still have some issues because of it, but a good man will understand and be there for you.

lrina · Accepted Answer

i'm sorry you had to go through all of that, but i think guys wouldn't care too much.

Anonymous · Answer

It wouldn’t stop me from dating a girl,

you just gotta find the right guy. That won't do that to you.

but personally no, Stuff like that wouldn’t put me off.

my girlfriend. has a bad studder, If that tells you anything, She has a hard time getting certain words out. And it gets worse if she’s nervous.

so i Am not biased. About a girls past, Or quirks she has. So as long as we are good for eachother

you will find the right one.

good luck. And keep digging!!!

skytatoe · Answer

Be completely honest with you, it's a red flag.

I'd have to look with a lot more scrutiny. Lots of bad things happen in life, sometimes its bad luck, but sometimes its people attracting bad shit to them in the way they behave, choose the people they hang around with etc...

So abuse is a big issue. If you've got a girl has had a past of abusive partners its usually a no-go. If it's just the one time, I'd still want a lot more details before on why it happened, how, and where she's at not mentally and emotionally.

Its tough, not obviously really fair. But its the way it is.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I once fell in love with a girl with a broken nose. So I wouldn't worry too much about that. I think you're fine.

Now, granted, I have other concerns apart from the nose.
But none of this is your fault. So please, please, please don't judge yourself for anything that happened.

I'm glad you are safe.

robbenn69 · Answer

I would not talk specifically about your past at first. I have a deviated septum and don't breathe out of both nostrils, so that is completely normal. I am sure you are quite pretty and are being too harsh on yourself. If you want to say something about it, say you had an accident and your nose got broken, again, another fairly common occurrence. I am sure he will reassure you that you are beautiful in his eyes and that's all that matters. Maybe after a while, if you feel he is compassionate enough to understand, then you can tell him the accident you had was having an abusive boyfriend who broke your nose, whom you left because you were not going to tolerate physical violence from a man. Men are generally protective and like women who take action over those who do not.

Lionman95 · Answer

I think it would make you only unappealing if you start pointing it out to every guy you meet. Don´t tell a guy until you´re sure how you feel about it. i wouldn´t tell a guy straight from the beginning because it can along a way you don´t want things to go.
It´s something you should tell a guy at some point though but it´s nothing you should focus completely.
It´s not a criteria to not date you it´s just something that´s overwhelming when you don´t know how to react to that.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Well, aside from being more concerned about being perceived as threatening (I have the physical aggression and killer instinct of a lawn chair; but I'm enormous), and possibly being on eggshells a little, at least at first, I don't see a problem. I'd imagine that really does a number on you, and THAT might cause concerns among some guys, though.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Sorry you went through that but I dont care if a future girlfriend went through some trauma. I would be compassionate and respectful of her past experience and we would work through them together, if thats what she needs.

RealMarek · Answer

It’s sad that you had to endure abuse and I’m glad you got through it. Abusive people can be difficult to detect at first and difficult to escape. Fortunately, there are a lot of nice men who want healthy, loving relationships and will appreciate a woman who is good to them.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

I'm sorry you had to go through that It's good you didn't stay in that environment like some women seem to naively do. I don't know if I would date someone like that or not. It depends on if she has a pattern of picking those types of men and not learning from her mistakes. If you can't learn from your mistakes then chances are it's spilling over into other areas. I might date her. However, if I got the impression she hasn't healed then I would be out because I'm not interested in being negatively affected by something I had nothing to do with.

DaveJord · Answer

I would say if your over the events of the past that you don't have to tell a guy about it. But if your still having issues with men over it then yes you should be honest about it with him. Don't fall into the mind trap of thinking men don't want damaged goods, because its not true. But men do want emotionally stable and secure women... so if you're not done with the healing process then you need to be upfront about it.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

1. If you have baggage from it... huge turn off. There was another post where the girl asked for rough sex, got rough sex, then cried and ghosted her boyfriend because it reminded her of past abuse. Yeah nobody wanna deal with shit like that.

2. If you have a history of abuse thats not on them anymore thats YOUR failing. If i date a girl with 4 exbfs and all were abusive or otherwise losers... yeah maybe they are shitty, but im not dating them, the girl is also shitty to have chose such shitty guys, or if she stayed with an abuser for a long time she has mental issues. Personally i dont date shitty ass women, all my exgfs were quite awesome, most are now married, if i bumped into any of them on the street we would get along wonderfully. The fact a girl only has shitty things to say about exbfs means she got issues herself.

Staximus · Answer

Girls choosing to stay in an abusive relationship instead of leaving at the first sign of abuse is a psychological red flag. It shows the girl has some kind of psychological need for abuse, usually stemming from past trauma caused by an abusive father who physically abused her mother and or her. The abused person gravitates to this abusive environment because it is what they were used to and perceived as normal growing up. I dummy know if you grew up in an abusive home but you have to break the cycle of abuse and never let yourself be abused again.

Anonymous · Answer

Nah not so much like when I was younger. Before I used to feel really bad for girls like that. Now that I'm older and wiser I simply ask why she stayed around all that time. Either she's not very bright, not mentally sound, has terrible self esteem, has daddy issues or just no daddy or terrible parents. I don't want that type of girl bearing my kids and raising them. I wouldn't trust her to raise them right with me tbh and I wouldn't trust her as a partner very much as such women often will cheat down the road or file for divorce. It's hard enough trusting women today, especially with the courts and all. So it makes me not want to.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, I would date a girl who was physically abused I would just want her to know that I am a very loving guy, who loves to show affection, I love kisses, hugs, etc

Juxtapose · Answer

Almost no woman I have been with has had a past without any abuse. It's to the point now where when I fly to visit family members that have not been abused (my family is pretty cool and fortunate) it feels like dealing with a different breed of woman entirely even though I grew up with them before I moved to a different state.

Dominique95glee · Answer

Ok I know what you went throw because I went throw the same thing but I always tell the guys I with what happend and I tell them it what scared me and that it was a dark time but If any of them don’t want to be with me because of what someone else did than they are not even worth our time because we are Survivors Wicth makes us the best people for guys to date

jshm2 · Answer

To be honest most guys/girls get put off by that sort of thing as it means either you're a psycho, or they are expected to be extra-sensitive with you.

But the past is never a good thing to dwell over and you should not bring up these sorts of things when talking to new partners.

mobjay82 · Answer

It depends if you couldn’t get out of it. If believed it was your that means you will have issues. It’s because a lot these women develop ptsd. A lot handle situations poorly. A lot women choose men like this because of there toxic environment. It’s our job to make sure our kids grow up healthy and safe by watching how we talk and treat our significant other

Kaneki05 · Answer

Would make me want to hug and comfort her. Which then would make me like her. So I would.

exitseven · Answer

I dated someone that was abused by her parents. She had issues and several times she would be abusive to me. I kept hoping that she would see that I loved her and would trust me. I tried to get her to see a therapist. She got angry at me and would not return my calls and she moved out of where she was living and I could not find where she went. I am not sure if I would do it again.

Kaamraj · Answer

Not really, we dont want to fix and pay for trauma caused by someone else because physical injuries heal but psychological ones dont. The moment your partner is physically abusive, either man or woman, you should leave immediately, that will lead to no phycological issues.

lovedejj_xo · Answer

I dont share that ….. I was in one but I definitely don’t tell men I’m dating that because I’ve moved on and know what I deserve. Plus it’s none of their business. Only thing I do share eventually is that I was sexually assaulted because some things bother me.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

Sorry that happened to you. I wouldn't mind at all, I would just hope she would communicate and let me know what she needs from me. I wouldn't want to accidentally do anything that would make her uncomfortable. The fact that she was mentally strong enough to not hate men after that is admirable.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not into long term relationships, but if I find you attractive enough to date which most probably I do, I'd like to just temporarily date you and take care of you and reassure you untill you regain the confidence in yourself.

2021biguy · Answer

It's not your fault you were abused and it shouldn't make a difference in your future relationships.

Miristheiss · Answer

I don't know. It would have just depended on what baggage and problems she'd be bringing into our relationship and what acts had actually occurred between her and him.
It would have been a case by case situation.

one1wild00 · Answer

No, You are still good dating and relationship material, just tell the guy early if you trust him and if he cares then he will make sure you aren't in a similar situation.

Shamalien · Answer

I’d date ya, but in the back of my mind I’d be worried that you’ll put your ex’s traits on to me and I’m not at all violent so if you did do that I’d take it badly

Djaay · Answer

I feel really bad about women who are abused at the hands of a s\o. But as i also know , a lot of females provoke they're aggressors to kingdom come. Not condoning either one of those. So i guess it just really depends exactly what really happened to began with both involved and to hear both sides of the story first before i would answer this question.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I'd be careful about dating such a damaged woman. I wouldn't want to take the chance that she might damage me too. You might say you are cured, but the real test is if there's a situation in which you get mad.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably not. Most women who get into/stay in abusive relationships do so because they're psychologically broken people to begin with. Why would I want to be with someone who is attracted to toxicity? It's not a guys job to fix these women. And they really aren't worth the effort.

Anonymous · Answer

Generally, women who were in abusive relationships always go for them leaving the good guys behind. I am sure you may be are not like that but most of the girls I know that complain about past abusive guys always date those types of guys only. They love to get sympathy than being in healthy places. It is Stockholm syndrome that most good men don't wanna deal with.

OddBeMe · Answer

I’ve never heard this as a problem. Unless her ptsd is so bad it’s destructive or she refuses to get help.

Avicenna · Answer

I think a lot of us are concerned about the psychological damage from such trauma. e. g., Borderline Personality Disorder.

LivingExample · Answer

In the age of Over Sharing people do Not need to share everything and a physically abusive relationship is one of those things. We All have had past relationships. If what happened in them does Not affect the new person it is Not their Business!

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Shouldn't matter, not your fault and any guy that things that is a issue, is a loser.

dudeinohio · Answer

My ex girlfriend was in an abusive relationship and dumped me. By the sound of things, she couldn't handle a safe, stable relationship. I agree with the responder, that such women are damaged and that the only relationships they can handle are bad ones.

worldscolide · Answer

No, a past history of abuse would not stop me from dating someone, It would however make me more mindful of my own behaviors.

SignedAutographs · Answer

My mom was in abusive relationships and lost her parents at a fairly young age. She has been on anti depressants ever since. My dad fell in love with her though and have been married 35+

Anonymous · Answer

I think more women don’t want to date men who were abused as children than men not wanting to date women who suffered with an abusive boyfriend or partner.

nawtee_me · Answer

What happened to you was not your fault and no one should hold that against you. I'll go out with you, where would you like to go?

Taysay · Answer

No, it's all about how the person reacts to the abuse, not the fact they were abused in the first place that I would pay attention to.

Browneye57 · Answer

You're NOT over it. Get a shrink.  And don't over-share.

Agape93 · Answer

Depends honestly. But if you need to talk I'm here

DWornock · Answer

Normal men would not be interested in you but you can find other men that will abuse you.

True_Sage · Answer

They will if they also like beating women. If not, it will decrease the respect you get.

Anonymous · Answer

I would feel bad for her but I would question myself why she would date a guy like that in the first place

Anonymous · Answer

Since 71% of all non-reciprocated violence is female to male, I would assume she was an agitator and wouldn’t want that kind of poison.

Anonymous · Answer

You won't be happy with a man who doesn't beat you, because being the victim and provocateur is your nature. That's why sane man avoid you.

Anonymous · Answer

i had to leave a few relationships before the verbal abuse turned physical

Redhead999 · Answer

A lot of girls cry wolf.

TallAnon · Answer

That wouldn't bother me at all

msc545 · Answer

We don't. We always wonder what the hell you did or said to piss some guy off that badly.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't. They're typically unable love or respect a guy that doesn't abuse them after that. Forever damaged.

JesseJayNeak · Answer

I would. Just to comfort her

Abdulwahh · Answer

No she will first need help

Jouth · Answer

violence

Do guys not want to date girls who were in a physically abusive relationship?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do attractive girls date very abusive men when they have options?

Do guys not want to date girls who were in a physically abusive relationship?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do attractive girls date very abusive men when they have options?

We're glad to see you liked this post.