Why do attractive girls date very abusive men when they have options?

Question

I was reading this week about Hannah Hill, a woman who dated a drug dealer that was always beating her up, yelling at her, cheating on her and controlling her. She was the 17 year old prom queen in her high school and one of the prettiest and most popular girls in the school. She also had a car she bought with her own money and a very good job and was studying in college too but somehow she chose to date the high school drop out who sold drugs and was constantly abusing her. I think she wanted to marry him at first cause they moved in together too.

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Accepted Answer

Most attractive women fall in love with this guy. There are red flags but they settle for the bad to keep the good. Like a married woman that states her husband is a great man when he is sober, and for the most part it is true. Stand up guy and pillar of the community until they start drinking, then they are mean and don't hold anything back. So the woman just puts up with it because she loves the good.

Other women stay because even they are drop dead gorgeous they may not see themselves that way and have very low self-esteem. They think that they can't do any better and then they find an abusive guy that puts them down every chance. So the women feel worthless and feel unworthy of any man. So they stay with the familiar. I have seen this in a lot of women I know and talk to. Their boyfriend or husband tells them they are getting fat and keep right on with that notion and the woman begins to feel like she might have gained some weight so they kill themselves to lose weight even tho they are still nice and lean. I once joked with this girl, because that was our thing to talk trash about each other in a joking loving way. Someone gave her their left over fries and I walked by and said careful those will end up on your love handles. She gave me this look and then threw them in the trash. So, my take on that is that either she has had a weight issue in the past or someone has ridiculed her about her weight in the past. She was not fat in the least. She had a damn near perfect body and as far as I could tell, nothing to be ashamed about.

Other women stay because they think they can fix the guy. There is a group of women that think that they can change or fix a guy that is abusive by showing him love and attention. They don't want a guy that has no issues, they want something broken. Most people can't see it but others looking in can see that they are trying to save that guy. But, in some situations the girl ends up getting more damaged then when she went in. It isn't a bad quality but as I have been told, you can't save everybody.

Every woman has their reason for staying in an abusive relationship whether it is bad or good or whether they want to acknowledge it or not.

I have been there, I tried saving a failing relationship because of my kids. I couldn't deal with not being able to put my kids to bed every night so I stayed and took the abuse. I was not abused physically but mentally and emotionally battered. She was a compulsive liar, she was talking to other guys, I would try new things to spice up our relationship and she was using it with the new guys. I have a feeling that she cheated on me through our entire relationship. I would bet a lot of money that she did without a doubt. But, I stayed because I couldn't be without my kids. We ended up calling it quits because we were at that point where we were hating each other and it was starting to show outside the house. So we ended it.

exitseven · Accepted Answer

My uncle was a cop. He always said the sadists always find the masochists.

coachTanthony · Answer

-----Girls who have had a bad childhood or been abused as a child end up dating abusive men. It's not always them being attractive even though it may appear that way.

"Never give up."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

Nik1hil · Answer

You question is wrong let me reform it... .

Why do (Low self confidence, submissive and insecure) girls date very abusive men when they have options?

Because they Have these 3 (low-conf, sub, insec..) things... They place a lot of efforts to look beautiful, using beauty tips and make up and fins satisfaction when they get validation from people!

Also being submissive they look up to alpha men, the men who has balls to do stuff..
And all criminals become criminals because they have Balls to do crime.. They aren't scared.. You cannot carry a gun and packets of drugs without balls..
These women find it very attractive..

Now when such a girl come in touch with such a criminal man, who is abusive and does not gives her validation!
A frenzy in these girls mind begins, it's a frenzy that how good and rewarding it will be to get validation from that alpha man (criminal). And their thirst for it increases with time...
Thirst increases so much that they are willing to become slave to such men..
Just like lot of SIMP'S boys are there for THOT'S on TWITCH and ONLYFANS.

And you know just how SIMPS will take abuse from their queen.. Give her their hard earned money..
Just like that these girls brain surrender their life to these men..
Their brain becomes slave and they don't even know!..

hhadeshatesme · Answer

There’s not just one answer. In differs from every situation. As someone whose been in a abusive relationship emotional abuse destroys self-esteem. There tends to be a pattern after the abusive incident it’s almost always followed by apologizing, something nice, and promising they will never do it again. In attempts to minimize the abusive behaviour. Fear of what he’d do to you/himself if you left. Thinking you can change him/be his saviour. Some people don’t see clearly that they are even in an abusive relationship. It took me awhile to see that and I really thought I had some control in what was happening and that the situations he put me in were normal.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Because abusive men (and people in general) are very good reminding their victims how unattractive they are.

I had an abusive roommate once. She'd always give me backhanded compliments like, " you're laugh is so ugly, but I like it" or "ha you're gaining weight again, it's okay I don't mind" or "why do you always have to be so stubborn? Just wash my dishes because now you're making me mad."

Attractive girls often meet their men when the men themselves were attractive - very independent, looked after themselves, struggling emotionally etc. And then something changes where they go through 'something emotionally difficult' so she makes accommodations, and then he just expects the special treatment as terms of the relationship.

Most girls want the relationship and also don't feel attractive enough to do better. They've also usually pushed all their friends away so have less of a social support to leave.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think some people have self-esteem issues and that's what causes them to date someone who is into illegal drugs, alcohol, abuse prescription medications like for
For example, my cousin only dates guys who have that bad boy image she doesn't
want to date those guys who have a decent job and not into illegal things like she
has 3 kids to 3 different fathers and she had them out of wedlock which is a sin
in Gods eyes at least I think so but I don't judge this is, something I just wouldn't
do but it happens and my cousin is attractive, this guys she's with has all these
guys are his friends and I guess they are involved with selling drugs but since
she's been with him, she has turned completely different so someday I hope
God opens her eyes to see that she is making a mistake

hannahjo022 · Answer

In my case of dating jerks. Those jerks can be really manipulating at first to get a women to like them. They will be really sweet, nice, polite, and do anything to win a women over making them seem like a nice guy that will treat them right because guys know that's what women want. Then later in the relationship they will act their true self and treat the women like trap. Its really said how guys can be manipulating like that and I have trust issues because of that

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Fear, I was in a abusive relationship and he said if I left her would find me. Finally one day called and put a restraining order on him, a make friend of mine helped me get my shit from his apartment and never saw him again. He called and threatened so I moved and it finally stopped

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Abusive people do not have a sign above their head shouting abuser.

it’s also across genders and parents can be abusive to kids.

often abusive partners are brilliant manipulators, they sell you what you want to hear.

A rich successful guy can also be horrendously abusive.

money, success, job type etc, have nothing to do if the person is abusive.

that same girl could have met what she thought was a nice guy great career, then a year in to it the emotional abuse starts, then the physical.

I've seen the results of abusive people, both genders and parents with kids.

kidvid80 · Answer

i think a few different reasons, being pretty they got beat down emotionally/mentally overtime probably from a young age by jealous people till they believed it, so they feel they do not deserve more then that, having no self esteem. but also others who grew up in abusive households think its normal, you are a product of your environment

Kaamraj · Answer

Attractive women realize early on that they are attractive, and their youth and beauty are socio sexual currencies that's going to attract men. Now a woman is going to utilize this currency fully and exercise her hypergamy, that is to associate with and mate with the male of superior value. Here value can be genetic, status, economic, etc.
Now how is this value perceived in interactions as men are the consumers of female youth and beauty? It's pure economics of supply and demand. If you behave like a "nice guy" not a "man who is nice," both are different. You're giving the subtle signal that the woman is of equal or higher value, and you cannot afford to lose her. However, the "bad boys" and this translates into abusive relationships, treat their partners poorly, this gives in impression that this guy is of much higher value, he might have some flaws but that can be fixed with effort.

ODC2112 · Answer

Because they have huge egos like the abusive people they seek. In Italy there is a proverb that says "the apple never falls far from the tree". Abusive people look for other abusive people.

They often have a fantasy of omnipotence for which they barter love, with arguments like this: "I will save you and I will be everything to you, while you will not be able to do without me and you will also love me out of gratitude!". These are false loving attentions made by her behind which in reality lies the attempt to manipulate the other, tying him in a double bond to her.

One of the major problems of today's society is that we are in the ego-age. All these problems arise from an egoic hypertrophy.

Oceation · Answer

It's because abusers are very good at isolating the victims, keeping them trauma bonded to them. Abusive relationships aren't abusive 100% of the time, there's lots of good times and those good times are usually intoxicating. I also think many girls believe the lie that love is enough to save or "fix" an abuser.

tatianamay · Answer

Well, some pretty girls date abusive men because at first he doesn’t seem abusive. He seems like a nice guy, but then after a few months into the relationship, the abuse starts. And by the time it starts, the girl is already too attached to the man and thinks that she can “fix” him. I’ve seen too many girls with this problem. They think that they can fix them and make them fall in love with them, but you can’t really change a person unless they’re willing to change themselves.

slatyb · Answer

They have poor self-esteem and poor boundaries. My wife was a beauty, but was in an abusive marriage. I was quite attractive in my 20's but was in an abusive marriage.

Alyssa11 · Answer

It all goes back to attachment styles. Looks don’t have a lot to do with it. Also attractive girls don’t always have loads of options - a lot of men avoid attractive girls for different reasons.

Anis09 · Answer

Many factors: father issues, believe on Disney stories about love can change people and lack of self-esteem.

Gray-Wisp · Answer

Women for some reason are naturally drawn to "bad boys". I don't really understand why but they just are. I've NEVER met a woman that wasn't turned on by the type of guy that would be considered either an antagonist or a tough asshole. I would assume that many men with abusive personalities would fit this description. Since almost every woman is attracted to them they would choose an attractive women and that's why you're saying "Huh all these attractive women are with abusive men."

FunkyMonkee · Answer

It's a mystery of the ages that only girls can answer!! If you can find out, PLEASE let me know!!! Nearest I can figure, it's got something to do with his bad boy image.

britishbby · Answer

I don't know why, and i can't figure it out im a guy who works less and earns more money and treats this girl like a queen yet she chooses a drugy and someone who cares little to none about her 😭 what is this world lol, if u wanner try help go look at my post please hopefully i can help her see before she gets addicted to drugs

TallAnon · Answer

Attractive girls often aren't approached by more docile men, because they're seen as on another level. Meanwhile assholes hit on anything that walks, so eventually one of the assholes win.
I lean towards being an asshole, but at least I don't hurt anyone.

Bright_blue_eyes · Answer

Some women just have the worst taste in men. They just get attracted to losers and they can't break out of the cycle. I don't know if it's a self esteem issue or a physical attraction thing, but HOLY COW... it's a bad cycle.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Stupidity. Most women use skewed logic when choosing guys. The usually pick the hottest or the best liar. Little wonder it seldom works out lol.

egykimo · Answer

I don't know but yes I've seen this. I keep telling myself If I were those guys I'd be so grateful that God gives me such a beautiful girl inside and outside

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

Many women believe that they can "change" and/or "fix" men.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

Thats the thing that really frustrates guys when it comes some women out there. They will be relationships with guys that treat them like dirt. Its because there so in love them that its basically like a drug.
Good Guys can see the reality of the situation because their not blinded by love.

jasco · Answer

Because attractive women tend to be bad at picking good men or attractive men are some very good lairs. More than likely both.

anylolone · Answer

Hybristophilia. basically they are weak bullies searching for sources of violence by proxy. ps: guys also suffer from this, attractiveness has nothing to do with it.

XimenaV · Answer

sometimes they don't know they are being abused, or don't know how to leave without him hurting her or himself, or think they can change said person or any combination of the above

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Lack of self confidence has opened many a door that should have remained shut and bolt locked.

Anonymous · Answer

Stockholm syndrome.

Wise4myage · Answer

Low self esteem plays a big part in this. Some women feel they can't do any better, so they gravitate towards abusive men.

OddBeMe · Answer

She’s meek and seeks our aggressive men. Prob her dad was the same way. Most psychology is nurtured in childhood.

Twalli · Answer

They assume that they can change him and that he doesn't mean to hurt them. It was an accident and won't happen again, their situation is different

somesoul · Answer

Coz they're too loving and they got money (rich) that's why along with negative points like them letting you down. Good girls will just dump this kinda man hahaha

acooke-13 · Answer

I don't think someone would chose too, the abuse comes after an amount of time together, which some girls are in too deep and struggle to walk away.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Good girls are drawn to bad boys. Maybe they think they can change or control us. It's the thrill of the chase for them mostly I believe.

GingerGuy · Answer

Because the "good guys" are "boring". They go after the "exciting" guys, which more often then not, are the "bad" ones.

jimmy2 · Answer

She should know better not to be with a drug dealer

DarcRefractions · Answer

abusive men usually have alpha ype mindset. they are either 2 of these 3 socially or physically or financial alpha

Interstate · Answer

There is a chance they are using their looks as a means to change them.

Anonymous · Answer

No idea but common enough where its a problem for them. Hopefully they will wise up before they end up killed. Unfortunately many don't

JSmuve · Answer

He made her 'gina tingle better than other guys. Most do it because the guy exudes a sense of masculinity that arouses her.

GhostMochi · Answer

I feel like it may have something to do with how their male role models treated them.

Jenngirl00 · Answer

Any number of reasons. I would expand but reach out if you want to discuss

Silas_153 · Answer

One of life's biggest mysteries, one that I've also been puzzled by.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Same reason why attractive guys date very abusive women when they have options.

Shihab91 · Answer

Abusive men look like dominate men, which can be attractive for women until he abuses her.

friendzoned4life · Answer

Because we non abusive men are being mocked for even believing we have a shot.

Anonymous · Answer

My guess is she was extremely sexually attracted to him.

Anonymous · Answer

Because attractive women think abusive men are more masculine and physically better looking than regular average men.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Poor choice making amongst men.

blondfrog · Answer

Insecurity. Also daddy issue.

WowwGirl · Answer

They usually treat them like people not dolls.

Archerer · Answer

Because they have faith - A soul destroyer.

krin_m · Answer

No clue! Sounds strange though.

Anonymous · Answer

They like bad boys, they are more exciting

JesseJayNeak · Answer

I have no idea

zagor · Answer

Attractive != smart.

Why do attractive girls date very abusive men when they have options?

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