Is it a bad sign, or am I just paranoid?

[Anonymous]

I (20yr old female) have been dating my boyfriend (21yr old) for a little over a month. Since we're both full-time employees, we only see each other on the weekends. I like him a lot, and he tells me the same, but we only go out to fast food whenever we go out. I wanted to ask him about it, but before I could, he complained about the money spent at a Korean bbq place we went to, which was $50. After that, I had him pick the places to eat since I felt terrible about him complaining, but we always went to fast food. I know he makes enough (about $4k a month), but he also owns his own home (yes, a home, not an apartment). Maybe I'm asking for too much since he pays for other things plus gas commuting ( we switch on commuting since we live an hour from each other). I want to go out to more restaurants, but I don't think he wants to; we were looking for places to eat nearby on google maps, and he blew off the idea of going to a restaurant. Is this a bad sign, or am I just being paranoid?

P. S. we've only been out to one restaurant, and that was on our first date.

[Anonymous]

This is his fault for dating but he has not learned that at his age, and while owning a home it's a waste of money to date. You say that he earns 4K but owning a house, with all of the unexpected repairs, bills, upkeep, insurance, and so much more... do you have any idea how quickly that money can vanish?

As I said, it's his fault for wasting his time dating. This is the real problem. That's why he is taking you to fast food places... it's his subconscious telling him not to spend. Deep down he knows that he needs to prioritize saving up cash, career and his home, not women. At his age, dating, or not dating can mean the difference between retiring early or old. Spending $50 at a restaurant is an utter waste of money... but when you're settled, are financially sound and set it's nothing.

[Asker]

I understand the concept of money and how quickly it can vanish quite well. I also understand that there is a lot to keep up with and pay for owning a house i. e. why I am truly not upset and just wanted to see if it was just me being paranoid or truly a bad sign. There have been times when I want to ask him why date if he doesn't have the money to date but I thought it was a bit harsh to ask. When I suggested the bbq place I didn't think $50 was much since I've paid more for two people. My fault for assuming but I truly didn't think it was too much. I know he knows what he needs to do, I've seen him crunching the numbers and he talks about saving all the time so, at this point should we just break it off?

[Opinion Owner]

He has told you who he is 'a big saver and a penny pincher (his exact words)' You need to decide whether it's worth it, or whether who he is, is compatible. Some guys do not have the wisdom to simply stop chasing women or dating until a certain time, while others can't do without sex, or are lonely... unwilling to make the necessary sacrifices.

[kinggeorge007]

If he isn't greedy (I don't think this is the case), he's husband material. Keep him. At the age of 21, if he is that keen on saving he's gonna go places. And he's already making $4K a month and has a house, if he was spending recklessly he wouldn't have anything left.

[kinggeorge007]

But after reading the other comments, I don't think you are up to this. You will have to consider are you up to something long term or not.

[sheikalana]

Well, your relationship is still pretty recent and I don't see the need of eating out every time you see each other. Why don't you guys plan on cooking a delicious meal together or order some food to eat at home? Give it some time I think one month is still too soon to make any decisions but if the same pattern persists and it still makes you feel uncomfortable you need to tell him and talk about it.

[bbear07]

maybe he's trying to save money for something else! I'm sure he's just as interested in you as you are in him:)

[Staximus]

Maybe he's going broke paying for his house, or maybe he's just a cheap bastard. Ask him if he would like to cook a nice dinner together at his house. If he complains about spending money on that, tell him he's not in high school anymore and McDonald's is no longer a suitable place to take a date.

[TheMajesticKing777]

He just seems worried he will run out of money and won't be able to pay everything off, coming from a place where there's not enough money for everything, saving money becomes a lifestyle not just something people do

[Avicenna]

Well, is it a reflection of his overall spending habits? What do you want from a relationship with him?

[Asker]

He meets my needs essentially in a relationship, mentally, physically, emotionally, and verbally but this is the only issue I have as of right now. I know he's a big saver and a penny pincher (his exact words after I told him about how his complaint about the Korean bbq made me feel since I had picked the place) but we don't need to go to a restaurant every time we meet not even every other time but I just want type of feeling of effort on his side for restaurants. I guess more in a sense I feel like a cheap date.

[Avicenna]

It depends how important that is to you. I'd advise you to overlook it since you're otherwise happy with him

[Secret6620]

I think you may be just a little paranoid. No worries! It's okay

[007kingifrit]

he sounds like he doesn't have a lot of money. you might need to make the money to spend yourself.

OOOOOR you could cook your own foods together at home

[In_Trance]

You're not very clear with your question. What is the bad sign that you perceive?
What are you paranoid about?

[Asker]

Is it a bad sign that he only wants to go out to fast food places, or am I just being paranoid about it?

[In_Trance]

You're being paranoid about it.
If you feel like going somewhere else there's nothing stopping you from taking him somewhere you know

[kinggeorge007]

@In_Trance exactly

[IsoUser]

When I ask any girl out for dinner I don't take her to McDonald's that should be your first warning sign. Just a big hint

[spartan55]

He is a cheap ass.