Would you consider a medical condition a red flag?

[curiousminds20]

I'm dating this girl who I think is incredible, but she has a condition that makes her nothing but fatigued all the time so going out and doing stuff is a rare occasion, most of the time I just hangout with her but she has a hard time doing things without her head hurting. I feel bad for her and am doing everything I can, it just makes it hard because doing fun activities is usually out the window. Just looking for opinions not really sure what I'm asking with this, it's just a hard concept to wrap my head around because I've never dated someone with any conditions that effect they're daily life.

[its_amelia_c]

So when you say “fun activities” what do you mean exactly?


Can’t you find activities that are still “fun” but she can do and you both enjoy, but do t affect her health and make her in pain etc.


Why do you have to do the things that “you” find “fun” but interfere with her health?


There are SO many things people can do together that are fun that wouldn’t cause her pain, or make her tired or be bad for her health.


But you just seem to not want to think about that, you want to focus on the negative not be open and find the positives in this situation.


Sure it’s not like other relationships, you have to be a little more creative, open minded etc. but why is that bad? Especially if you like her, say she is a great person. And just think what it would do for her spirit and what joy it would bring for her.


If you want to enjoy those other “fun” activities you are talking about, you still can, you won’t miss out, you can do them with your friends, family, other people!

[Anonymous]

As someone with a medical condition that often leaves me fatigued, I'll tell you from my end that dating for this reason can be very hard. Even I recognize what a bummer it might be if you're healthy and just wanting to get out there and do normal fun things as a couple, but you can't. Unfortunately for us, being sick is completely out of our control (not a red flag!). We desperately want to be the people who can do it all, but we can't. For this reason, we need to be with people who fully accept that and our needs because doing more than we can, can be detrimental to our health. Me personally, I wouldn't fault you for deciding that you really don't want to be in a relationship with someone you can't do a lot with, but at least be honest with yourself and don't keep it going and going if it's going to make you unhappy or resent her. If you do want to be with her long term, then have open honest communication. It's okay to say you are a bit frustrated, but get creative and figure out some dates that you can both equally participate in that are fun.

[curiousminds20]

I appreciate that, I really do like her it's just something I haven't dealt with before so it is new to me. She makes me happy and I want to do the same, it's just a learning curve. Thank you for sharing that it helped a lot

[Opinion Owner]

I read what she has, and I am in the same boat so I know exactly how she feels. I'm glad you're at least talking about it and thinking about it because in partnerships like this, you may not have the illness, but you become part of her system of who takes care of her, so thinking and talking about it will help you to make better choices either for yourself or together (which I'm hoping you'll stay together because you want to and you like her). My advice is to literally google "dating someone with" her illnesses, and there you can read how other people have handled it and what it's like for them. This will give you a better perspective just be aware that there are no two patients who's treatment or illness is the same, so care may be easier or harder depending on her specific health situation. Good luck to you both.

[UniquelyBasic]

Its not always a red flag as she can't help it but you're not a bad person if you dont want to be with someone like her as she doesn't match up with what you want in a partner. You're not getting what you want out of the relationship and should be honest with her about it if its a problem in the relationship.

[SolitarySolace]

Yes. I had to deal with a girl who had a panic disorder and utilized it by keeping it a secret while she accused me of things I didn't do just because I had caught feelings for her. Now I hold resentment towards both women and the mentally ill. Sorry, not sorry. Just stay the F away from me

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Compatability is important. As is compromise.

Would you be happy in this relationship if she's never able to join you on what you consider fun things? Could you find ways to let her participate without her needing to be in pain? Maybe video calling while you're hiking or taking pics and sitting down with her after?

Are there fun activities for her that you two can do together that don't bring her pain?

It's important that you feel you're getting what you need out of the relationship as well. It's not that her illness is a red flag, it's that it may stop this relationship from being fulfilling for the both of you.

[Anonymous]

I have several friends that have "Qi Deficiency" which makes them always tired and sick. It's difficult for them to be out with other people and are both "home bodies." They are also very picky on what they eat or drink. If they eat or drink the wrong things it makes matters worse.

However, one of them always has time to smoke cigarettes. The other one always has time to go out drinking with friends. It seems to me that people always find the time, energy and money to do the things that they really want to do.

In any case, I wouldn't consider having a medical condition a red flag. There are a lot of people with medical conditions that can lead a normal and happy lives as long as they take their medications. For example, Diabetes.

[Clsr2thedge]

Definitely not a red flag for dating someone. However you have to be prepared to accept that the relationship you have will be partially defined by her condition and if you're worried that it will be a deal breaker for you then it's better to say so sooner rather than later

[exitseven]

Personally I would not want to date somebody with a condition like that. I lead a very active lifestyle and I would want somebody that would share in that. I know it sounds shallow but it is what it is.

[dustybiker]

Is she trying to help herself? I think it would depend on the persons outlook. Do they make you happy naturally in between episodes? Is it worth it?

[TrueConfection]

Not necessarily, but this type of condition is an easy excuse that can be abused. You have to consider if you would feel some resentment when you miss out on fun because she's resting.

Just sayin'!

[Valso]

I myself have two conditions but they're not the kinds that would or could prevent me from having fun. I have asthma and diabetis, if you're wondering. Normally I don't consider medical conditions a red flag but it really depends on the condition itself.

[Jltakk]

My medical condition probably is to others. I have Inattentive adhd, Major Depressive Disorder, and Avoidant Personality Disorder, with a fearful-avoidant attachment style and an INFJ personality to boot. I wish I was joking. I'm high functioning, and very charismatic in public when I'm masking myself, which is most of the time, make friends on the regular, and attract crowds around me at parties. If anyone did know the inner struggle, they wouldn't consider me dating material.

[ImNoOne111]

No, it would be too shallow if her condition isn't that serious. It will be just a harder life with her which you can choose to accept or refuse. If she worths fighting the medical condition for, do it!

[AvaOneLasTime]

Its not a red flag, its just condition. Is catching Covid a red flag too?
And besides, what condition?

[curiousminds20]

Crohns, POTS, and a pineal cyst are the main conditions. I probably shouldn't have said red flag I just didn't really know what else to say, I just hate seeing her not feeling well and it hasn't taken a toll on me yet, but I worry what it's going to be like down the road.

[AvaOneLasTime]

I am sorry for the girl, but individually, there are treatments available for each condition.

[TacosRAwesome]

I don't think medical conditions can be considered red flags (red flags to me mean shitty habits or personality traits) per se, but they can be detractors from being with someone.

[megabamse]

It's All about what you will do for love and the one you love. Getting kids with her might be impossible. So there are pro and cons.

[sunflower00]

I wouldn’t call it a red flag, it’s not her fault and it’s not like she’s doing anything wrong

[Razp_Sorbet]

In sickness and in health doesn't only apply after marriage

[gabby100]

Just being with her , helping her, probably helps more than you think.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ask yourself this. If you had a similar condition do you think any female would have any interest in you at all?

Find a healthy girl.

[Anonymous]

Yes, big time. I am tired of taking care of people, parents, family, and friends. I put up with one girl's BPD but I am not willing to do it anymore. If something develops after years in a relationship then it wouldn't be a red flag.

[snoopy17]

How about asthma or testing positive for TB but no symptoms?

[OddBeMe]

Hers seems strangely devastating. Most people’s wouldn’t be that bad.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Sounds almost to long covid to me. But I admit, its hard psychology and will be frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Of course. I would not begin dating someone with a serious medical condition.