I recently broke up with my girlfriend Sandra because I had too many trust issues. I really love Sandra but I had to end it because I always thought was cheating. She seemed kinda flirtatious and inappropriate with her male friends.
Right after I dumped Sandra I went online and found a girl named Brenda. Me and Brenda were a good match. And I usually don’t do well with online dating. Only problem with Brenda is she lives in another city. I live in Seattle and she lives in Portland. So we talked online for 3 weeks until she finally drove up to Seattle to meet me. We had a great time together with the best sexual chemistry. I drove to Portland the week after. I agreed to have a long distance relationship with Brenda to keep her coming back. Brenda calls me her boyfriend. Now Brenda is talking marriage and wants me to move to Portland. I’ve told her I don’t wanna live in Portland but she’s trying to convince me. I do like Brenda and I want to keep her. But I can’t live in Portland.
As much as I like Brenda I know I’m eventually gonna have to let her go, but I’m not ready to let her go as of yet. On the other hand Sandra wants to get back together. I do love Sandra and want to be with her and try again. But I also love Brenda who I know is gonna be gone eventually. What should I do?
If you consider yourself a decent man and genuinely love Brenda, then do her the favor of letting her go. That woman is clearly in love and invested in you enough to want marriage, so if you know in your heart you not only don’t want to be marriage, but to break up entirely, then do the unselfish thing and end it now. As for Sandra, it sounds like there was no real cause to break up other than assumptions and you being paranoid. If you had some sort of solid proof of wrong doing other than not liking how she interacts with male friends then you’d be right to feel this way, but there’s nothing (unless you didn’t mention it). So if your trust issues get the better of you then don’t go back to Sandra, and wait for someone who doesn’t give you that vibe. Let Brenda go in the mean time, just out of love, respect and decency.
The choice is yours, but here's something I wanna say :
1. Tell Brenda you just got out of a serious relationship. Jumping into marriage because everything is good right now would be too reckless of a decision. Try moving in with her or her with you.
2. And Sandra? Now you realise you want him back! Or is it just his happiness that makes you want him back?
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Anonymous
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Voted "confused" even though I think you know you aren't. Neither are right for you and you should let both go ("not ready" to let Brenda go, think about her and her feelings and not just your own). You don't want to let them go because as guys, we generally have few "options" and it's not easy finding someone, right for you or not. But neither are right for you. And might need to work on trust issues also before dating anyone? If they're deep enough? Or if it's just a matter of time for trust to develop with someone?
Gotta tell ya - none of this sounds like "love" at all. It sounds like confusion mixed with insecurity and insincerity. Think about your reasoning. You want Sandra back because why - because she's convenient and lives in Seattle? Sounds like true love.
You "can't" live in Portland, or you don't "want" to? If you and Brenda ACTUALLY loved each other, the conversation would be different - you'd be trying to work something out.
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