Why does my boyfriend overly challenge me and is it normal to get hurt by this and not feel good enough? He claims to love me more than anyone ever?

[Anonymous]

Dating 6 mos. he’s 34 I’m 33. He just started doing this where he’s talking about never being complacent with each other, how he never wants to be. how he “always wants to be 1% better every day for me because I’m worth it” etc. I tried telling him that being complacent a little comfortability and u trust them emotionally etc. and you can relax not have to try so hard but yes I should never let yourself go and stop trying. He doesn’t like that I’m tired more than him he wants me to for example not make excuses and go for that jog at 7 AM when I have to work 12 hours etc and he’s just so extreme like a self help book and I told him it’s ok to be more laid back and enjoy life. And he said he doesn’t like people being lazy and making excuses for everything and those are the girls he’s dated in the past. We fought about having kids, we both want kids. he knows I don’t make very much where he makes around 100 K a year and every question he would ask and then answer that I don’t know what I’m talking about or I have no clue because I can’t afford this or that and what am I going to contribute and I said I will still pay half of the mortgage, I will still pay my half just because I don’t make as much as you and he’s like are u even saving what are you gonna do for this kid you have no clue etc. i live on my own and pay my own bills now I’m independent. it just seems like he’s over challenging me lately. it makes me feel bad like I’m not good enough for him. I told him I cannot contribute to the cabin it’s so expensive and he’s afraid of losing it someday, basically was saying it’s either keeping the family cabin or a kid because he can’t afford both. I said I’m being selfless here, the cabin is your life I’m not gonna have a kid with u then because you’re gonna end up resenting me. And he’s just making me feel bad lately. Like I’m not good enough. The one day it was our day off I wanted to sleep in and he was mad that “I was tired I was making an excuse it was a mindset”

Updates

+1 y

I should add our sex life is great. Almost every day. I initiate it too. We are affectionate towards each other. He gives me the love and attention I deserve. And I love Him dearly but this is just getting to be a little much. Plus he downplays my feelings when I’m having a bad day and he’s always optimistic and jokes when I’m in a sad/bad mood.

[DavidRaul]

Well its ok to be tired and feeling like taking a rest. Just imagine working all day, going for runs, workouts, chores etc and getting no rest at all. Thats not life. If someone is being too lazy, that should be pointed out and he points you for no reason. Making 100k a year is a lot to have a kid. I don't know what he's scared of. You make less money than him and still not scared of raising a child. Looks like he's being pushy

[Asker]

I feel like I can’t live up to it. He says he’s so proud of me but of what? It’s like he’s a perfectionist and needs the best of the best etc I’m content just being happy and I enjoy my comfort zone but definitely not lazy and I clean the house etc so it’s confusing

[DavidRaul]

Thats what i am saying, you do all your duties and still he's not satisfied with you deep down and wouldn't say to your face. Thats why he's being pushy. He just need to let you "be you". And beleive me no ones a perfectionist. If he can't make you comfortable , he isn't a perfectionist

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. Plus he’s like overly positive and optimistic. Like if I’m having a bad day or something he isn’t emotionally supportive and makes jokes or downplays it. Why is that and is that all related

[DavidRaul]

Well that another scenario. He likes you and all but still wants you to push your limits

[Asker]

Is that bad or good though like does it sound toxic?

[DavidRaul]

Well it could be his way of making you smile. I am not really good at consoling people when it comes to something emotional. It doesn't seem toxic but if you don't feel good around him. Then its bad

[Asker]

Thank you for your time