Is it a waste of time to try date a nerdy guy who has been single for years now?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Waste because he's nerdy? Is it a "waste of time" for guys to date nerdy women? lol The fact that he's nerdy, or that he's been single for a long time, doesn't mean crap necessary as far as relationship potential goes. If you're interested and like him enough, it's worth a shot regardless. Give it a chance, time will tell. It's always a risk with everyone you'll date (ie you may or may not waste your time regardless). Just have to hope it's not a waste. The more experience you get with dating, the more you'll recognize the "signs" sooner also, which will help with "time wasting".

[Asker]

It's just others feeding crap I my head. But he was such a cuties sharing his fries with me especially when I was new to him he had people he knew around him

[serious]

No, it is not a waste of time. If there is a good compatibility and if you understand that being a nerdy guy he won't have much a social life, he will be an indoor guy. If you can put up with that nature of his then it is worth giving a try.

[AnonyWoman4309]

I would say yes. In my experience both nerdy guys that I have encountered who were single for years were single out of *choice*. They had many opportunities to be taken and somehow found a reason not to take any of those opportunities and blew off every last woman. Unless you're ready to have to have his 101% interest for the rest of his life for him not to slip back into his single-loving self, I'd say save your own time and walk away. There's a reason they have been single for years.

[AnonyWoman4309]

Oh and this is only if you're the one asking for the relationship. If he's the one asking for/wanting a relationship it's a different story because he's showing initiative. But you have to make sure he actually wants one and he's not bullshitting.

[Asker]

I just met him but tgat all I know about him that he hasn't had a girlfriend for almost 4 years

[AnonyWoman4309]

Yeah that's a little suspicious in my opinion. Maybe the next time you see him casually ask why he's been single for so long. If he says it's because he just didn't like anyone enough, run.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You do realize most male nerds are single for years because they do not get much in the way of opportunities right?

Finding female nerds who share our hobbies is harder than finding literal gold...

[AnonyWoman4309]

@TheSpaceGnome You might be right. But unless the guy is absolutely terrible I'd be shocked if he hadn't come across any opportunities by now. I think the only way to figure out the correct answer is for her to ask. If he says it's because he hasn't had opportunities then no he may not be a waste of time. But if he says he's had opportunities and just has taken them (especially over small things), yes he may be a waste of time.

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome I don't look nerdy but I love gaming etc and I'm sure he will like my geeky hobbies aswell

[AnonyWoman4309]

hasn't*

[AnonyWoman4309]

Honestly you might be able to even figure out the answer without asking him. On a scale of 1-10 how attracted were you to him after you guys first met? If it's above a 7 he probably has had opportunities (I mean look at the way he made you feel, other women might have felt that way too). If it's like a 1, 2 or 3 yeah he probably just hasn't come across any opportunities.

[Asker]

I really like him I met him through my friends and he shared his food first with me at the table and accepted my friend request in seconds

[Asker]

No I wouldn't say above a 7 no much lower

[AnonyWoman4309]

That's so sweet 🥺 if you really like him then I'd say proceed with caution. Better to follow your heart than hold your peace. Just make sure you don't get your hopes up too high and be ready for anything to happen.

[AnonyWoman4309]

Okay yeah then I think you're fine. You could just throw some subtle hints and see if he follows through. Make sure you pay attention to his behavior after you throw the hints, some men, nerdy men especially don't take the hints as signs of interest due to low self esteem. If he doesn't seem to be picking up you might have to throw more obvious hint. If he seems uncomfortable though stop.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't look nerdy either, I'm actually quite attractive and women I have squat in common with tend to hit on me often.

But I spend my free time playing video games, drawing illustrations, watching anime/cartoons and sci-fi/fantasy movies, doing science research, building model kits, composing musical scores, and writing, and you want to know how many opportunities I've had in my life with women who actually like the stuff I like?

Zero.

Why? because these women are at home doing the same stuff I am, and you know what they won't do? Use online dating apps or talk to people in online gaming lobbies.

How the hell am I supposed to get opportunities when my type won't even reveal herself? Knock on stranger's doors until I find a female nerd my age? pff.

[AnonyWoman4309]

Worst case scenario if he has severe low self esteem he might be afraid to pursue women all together. But yeah I'd just say notice if he seems to like the hints.

[AnonyWoman4309]

@TheSpaceGnome wait but you never followed through with the girls that do hit on you because they weren't your type? that's kind of what I mean by having an opportunity and just not taking it because of xyz (their personality in this case)

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats not an opportunity for anything other than a breakup, compatibility actually matters.

[AnonyWoman4309]

@TheSpaceGnome Kind of. What if the asker hits on the guy and he also just doesn't follow through because of xyz. I'd say he did have the opportunity, he just didn't take it because of that xyz. That's still being single out of choice. Just good choice. You see someone you're not interested in, you decide not to enter a one-sided relationship.
Either way you already described you doing yourself what I went through two times (even with me being a nerdy person :p ). Both guys were single for years, even though I was just as nerdy as them I think my xyz for them not pursuing me was me being too nice. But oh well.
I still think overall, if they've been single for years, there's a reason for it. Even if the reason is them not encountering anyone their "type".

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome we into movies, gaming and we both don't drink and he likes to play sports and so do I

[AnonyWoman4309]

There's still hope just be careful. I think we can all agree there's a few things he's looking for. TheSpaceGnome said compatibility matters. I think a lot falls under the realm of compatibility , including personality. TheSpaceGnome is more in this guy's shoes (with being a nerdy guy) so he might know a little more than me.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Even if the reason is them not encountering anyone their "type"."

Thats almost always the reason, it's certainly mine, but luckily for him, he doesn't seem to have that problem anymore, I still say go for it if you like him.

[AnonyWoman4309]

^ yee I agree you might as well go ahead! :D you got this.

[Asker]

Aw thanks guys I will do

[AnonyWoman4309]

@TheSpaceGnome also just, fun fact. Despite me being nerdy, the first guy said he rejected because I didn't seem honest. The second guy said he rejected because I wasn't the same type of Christian that he was : but I don't know I still think it was a niceness problem.

[AnonyWoman4309]

Also @asker keep us updated! :3 if you need any advice you can always message me

[TheSpaceGnome]

I dunno, the religion thing makes sense but doesn't (I'm an atheist, so no religion makes sense, but it is true you have to think the same way to date, I'd only date another atheist), as far as the honesty thing, dishonesty is a valid reason to bail, but I don't know you, and I wasn't there, so I can't say if it was bs or not.

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome only thing with that guy is that he is way smart since he did a PhD in engineering. I only have a bachelors in business lol

[TheSpaceGnome]

Degrees won't matter, hobbies and interests matter way more.

[AnonyWoman4309]

How did it turn out?

[Sour-rose]

Nope. Although if it's been years, there's something more than him being nerdy of whhhy he's been single that long

[DarkWinterNights]

Or dating just sucks so it wasn’t a priority.

[Sour-rose]

@DarkWinterNights cOOlio. Havin' a good day so far?

[DarkWinterNights]

‘Twas all right. Tomorrow is Friday and I get this weekend off so looking forward to that. You?

[Sour-rose]

@DarkWinterNights It was quite good. Went to school, made jokes that was entertainin' and then had dinner with mom. It was a good day and progress was made. Beautiful.

[DarkWinterNights]

@Sour-rose, Nice! Full and productive days always make the difference.

[Slartybartfast]

I litteraly linked this to explain why you shouldn't take dating advice from women..

[SteveSmith1985]

No! Of course not. That's a silly question 🙂

[Turtlewax1994]

No it’s not,

If anything I’d feel it out with this guy and if you’re not satisfied then you can go on and continue to date other guys!

Can you please answer my most recent question?

[ohshee]

It's only going to be a waste of time if you don't do it so make something happen so make something happen to it

[whirled_up_girl]

Do you like and respect each other? If so I’d hardly call that waste of time.

[DarkWinterNights]

Depends on how far gone he is lol. If he’s relatively normal and isn’t into weird stuff I don’t see why not.

[OldWorldOrder]

Honestly, it probably would be a waste, yes. You'd just get bored and he'd just get hurt.

[Freyke]

It depends on why he is single. But no, it can be worth reaching out to him.

[RuthlessAggression]

If you think you can't get any other guy that you want

[IsoUser]

Why would it be a waste of time? If the guy was a jerk I would agree Lol

[one1wild00]

No, you may be just what he needs and is waiting/looking for

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Why would it be? Curious why you feel it would.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, If you like him, go for it.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Not if you want him.

[ColHathi]

A waste in what way?

[jahaims]

Why would it be?

[Anonymous]

no..

[Anonymous]

With you? Yes!