How long should I make him wait before I go on a date with him so he knows I date only to marry?

Question

I heard many men expect first kiss or even sex on the first date.
How long should I avoid going on a date so he gets to know me well enough to realize that I will date only to marry?
I can't out of the blue say that.
I don't think he will think I don't like him because talking to him all the time means I am into him.
If he has serious intentions he won't give up on me. I think making him wait will show his real intentions.
What's your perspective on this?

Updates

+1 y

I'm not playing games. I just need time to know him before I even consider meeting him.
I only want to go on dates when he knows my moral views. Then both me and him will know whether we should meet or not.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

So honestly most my dating is online or was until I met my current SO. Everything I read said that if a women isn't ready to met with you for first date after 2 to 3 days of chatting... then its time to move to. If a women can't commit to first date after few days then its not a good sign.

Even experts say most women know with in first 24 to 48 hours if they'd be willing to date a guy. So if you drag it out too long chatting them to death then its a turn off, because she conflicted so its better to move on.

In person, if I ask her out and she says no... or shows any discomfort its a turn of. I me if your serious about finding a good man then you got to take some degree of responsibility... you can't put your exceptions on a guy according how you feel or think it should go. I mean the guys exceptions should matter.

No on the first sex or kisses are not excepted... I mean its appreciated but not excepted. Maybe a hug at the end.

Depending how well the first couple of dates go you have to measure the quality of the developing relationship... I mean every relationship moves at its own pace.

I mean if you seem to put a lot of value on yourself, but what about him... what is he worth to you?

Does he's needs and wants matter?

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

Making him wait for a date will produce one of two things:
1) He will give up asking because he thinks you're not interested and just being polite by not saying "no" outright, or
2) He will persist until he gets one.

The flaw in your logic is here: "If he has serious intentions, he won't give up on me. I think making him wait will show his real intentions."
Depending on how long you made him wait, AND what his actual intentions are IF HE HAS any agenda at all, you don't really know his intent.

He may have persisted just because you said "no" and his ego was bruised. Maybe it then became a matter of proving to himself he could get that date.
The fact that he waited, or persisted, in and of itself, doesn't tell you "he's marriage minded". It doesn't even tell you he's serious about anything, it's just a possibility.

If you want to find out what's on his mind, go on a first date. You might not like him enough to WANT a second one. And vice-versa.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

The purpose of Dating is to get to know people and to find out if someone meets all your criteria of what you are looking for. Obviously, some people do not date for this reason but more for a fun time - or getting sex :( - But when you put it out at the start that you are only looking for someone to marry you will scare away a bunch of guys who might be your match. Not everyone who goes on a date are thinking about "Is this the one?" You can't know that until you spend a lot of time with them. Some, who may not even be thinking marriage, may change their mind when they date you and get to know you and then come to the realization that this may be the person they want to spend their life with. If you scare them away with marriage and kids talk, you may miss out.

Changiis07 · Accepted Answer

I agree with you one hundred percent! YOU set the boundaries when it comes to what you are looking for and want in someone. If you are waiting for marriage to have sex girl it's the best you can do because it tells men you are worthy of the wait. When if they are into you for you and not your body then you will know if they stay and not pressure you into having sex. So yes it is best to talk about it early early on before even the 3rd date honestly. That way you do not waste your time with those who are not on the same mentality as you. You will save time and energy. You will know by their actions and you cannot scare a real man who wants what you want. Waiting until marriage for sex is the best thing you can.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why not just have a very candid discussion with him about your expectations for dating? That seems to be a far better plan than trying to manipulate him so he takes the right hint.

AmandaYVR · Answer

You have to date him to get to know each other. Dating doesn't need to include sexual contact.

Guys want to know right away what a woman's goals are. If you are hard and fast on this, no exceptions, let him know right away. Then it'll be his prerogative whether he wants to proceed or not.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

Well you wait too long he is going to start loosing interest in you. You should go on a date if you like him... If a woman keeps putting it off then I will leave it up to her to contact me and many times end up moving on to someone who is willing to show me interest.

Don't have sex with him until married. Don't kiss or stuff like that until you both feel comfortable enough with each other.

If a guy kept making you wait and wait and wait... How long until you loose interest and move onto someone else?

I don't understand what you mean... You're going to cause him to loose interest. If a woman does not show intrest in me I will move on. That does not mean I am not serious I am just not going to waste my time or waste the time of someone else who isn't that into me

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Well, keeping the guy strung along just by speaking to him isn't a good idea either. This is manipulative. Guys may go for a kiss or sex on a first date because they know they have a narrow window to make a move on a woman to show he is interested romantically and physically, otherwise she won't see him in that light.

I say go on the date with the guy and be upfront about your dating views and let him know that so you have established boundaries. Guys who respect your boundaries will do as you ask and still pursue and understand that the opportunity will come when you yourself are ready for more.

Crafteroon · Answer

Wait as long as you want. If your biological clock starts to tick, you notice the number and quality of potential partner's starts to dwindle, just keep waiting. Eventually you will meet that one person, and if you waited long enough, you might meet their partner too. Or you might never meet them, and will die alone. But at least you held onto your principles.

Not judging here, just telling the potential outcomes. What is the alternative? Going on dates and saying no when they try to kiss you? The horror.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Wait until the third date, go on a walk after whatever it is you're doing, and sit somewhere private. If you legitimately like the guy tell him you like him, and you've enjoyed your time together- then flat out ask him what his intentions are for the two of you. If he says "well, I'm open to..." or any other non-committal nonsense, just tell him that your objective in dating is to find someone who you'll marry. It doesn't make sense to go too far down the path if that's not what he's looking for, and most importantly if that's not what he sees for you two.
Yea, this is easier said than done, but if you do it once it'll get easier, and believe me if it results in guys ghosting you you're doing it right. A man who wants to find a wife, and is interested in you will tell you flat out.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

You say you are not playing games, but you are whether you think of it that way or not.

You want to wait to date, but want to get to know him. You can't have it both ways. The entire purpose of dating for most people is to get to know them better.

Just go out with him and see how you get along. At some point you can casually bring up your views about marriage. If you are not compatible for that reason or any other reason, then you can stop dating him and start looking for someone else.

"I just need time to know him before I even consider meeting him."
How is that even possible? You can't have it both ways. You can't get to know him without meeting him. If you mean online, that is very different than getting to know them in person. To really get to know them you have to meet.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

Don't do that. The more you make him "wait", so that you can feel out his true I tensions, the more agitated he will get. What's with this whole "I need to get to know him before dating him" idea? I thought dating was about getting to know someone. Obviously an end of the night kiss and s** should only ever be in movies and not a real life expectation. I'm in total agreement with that. But talking with someone over text for days or weeks before deciding you want to try and date them is just weird. Look at it like this. Back in the 60's, if a girl got approached she'd have to make a decision on the spot. There was no dating app and option to text a guy. Now, if that girl had your mindset, she'd never get a date because she was too shy to take a chance. You need to take a chance and just try sometimes. Stop holding up the invisible barrier (only texting and never meeting) to protect yourself. The sooner you go out with this guy, the sooner you learn whether or not he's worth your effort.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Well first I don't think you should look at it as " dating only to marry". I scratch my head at women that date with that intent. You should date with the intent of getting to know people. And if you happen to find someone that you want to spend your life with. Then you marry him. Because generally they feel it to. And by then you should know them well enough to know that they have strong character.
Never apologize or feel you have to apologize about not wanting to kiss too early or to have sex with them before you both REALLY KNOW EACHOTHER. Society is too oversexed and this should be the type of things guys should learn LAST about yourself. If they're not willing to wait for that they really don't value YOU.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

You need to go on dates to get to know each-other. Just convey your intentions clearly before the date. I wouldn’t go into depth, but just state you are looking for a serious relationship and want to take things slow. As things develop you can tell him that you would rather wait until marriage before sex. You may turn some guys away though so be aware. I do see a lot of women who want to settle down after sleeping around with tons of guys and want to dangle the carrot to their potential partners and I think that’s a red flag personally.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Lol dating isn’t one guy that is on the way for marriage the point of dating is to date until you find that right guy. You don’t have to do all that stuff if you dont want. But I don’t know of any relationship that last where you didn’t at least kiss. If I were in his shoes, and you kept me on a string for even as long as a month with that excuse, I would honestly be gone and date other people until you decided what you want.. I’m not waiting around to be told maybe or maybe not. This type of games never ends well for either party. But I mean that’s what you want to do. Do you

grierwrange · Answer

Don’t listen to the men who says you won’t find anyone and have high expectations. It’s only because they can’t find anyone and know most women are too good for them. It’s actually pathetic to me that some of these people will attack you just for having values you stand by and say that you are manipulative when they say these words to a woman they hardly know in the hopes that you’ll lower yours which is what an actual manipulator would do. Stick to your Values and you’ll find men better than 99% of the men on this site

ADrifter · Answer

@marish01 - you talk to him, as an adult does.

You make it very clear from the start what your expectations are. That way if he is only looking for a fling you two are done and over with then & there instead of wasting time.

I don't know why you would even consider stringing a guy along.

CallMeLes · Answer

Just be honest so he can fully consent as well. You both deserve to know if this is dating to have fun or dating to determine a potential life partner. I feel like this is a q for younger folks. Once you hit 25 it's like: let's just be real. There is nothing wrong with dating for either reason. Just be HONEST folks. And no, I don't know is not an acceptable answer. Everyone knows. They do. Take an I don't know to mean casual or you'll regret it is my experience.

peedy · Answer

Wooo tuff one make him wait to long and he might leave, and how interested are you lots of factors come into play even got a scapegoat if everything blows up in your face
I say don't make him wait just talk to. him and explain where you're coming from and where you want to go
Most important thing in a relationship is communication and being two equal parts of one whole, I donf like it when one uses something or makes them do something because than you are placing yourself in a higher position one of dominance so by making him wait you're setting the rules without him making a unhealthy relationship and that is only going to go one way... bad to worse
Its your move i hope you make it a good one

Phoenix98 · Answer

You should make you intentions clear that your only interested in something serious.

because these gamed your playing where you respect him to read your mind and know your intentions isn’t gonna play out the way you want them to.

What your doing right now is manipulation.

Be straight with him guys appreciate that. Just tell you wanna take things slow and get to know each other first.

mayur1598 · Answer

As long as it takes...
But you should be 100% confident by that time unless keep trying...
And be clear about your moto on your 1st date only so you will not waste your time on someone who is not looking for something serious...
And getting married is very big step... You will not find him that easliy... So keep trying and enjoy the process or should I say hunt... 😂

KelleyNice · Answer

If you turn a guy down, likely he will not ask again. If you like him, it is better to accept. Then when you are on a date, if he is aggressive, tell him, "You are going to fast for me" or "I'm not ready for that."

rabbitzzz · Answer

When you talk with him say how much love cooking, cleaning the house etc.

Normally marriage should be between two people who are in love. Dating for marriage sounds desperate. Its kinda similar to a needy virgin guy who is only looking for sex.

You can go on romantic dates without sex and talk about where you guys want to see each other in the next 5 years. Casually bringing on the topic of marriage. You can also talk about why there is something instead of nothing.

BlacklightShade · Answer

It doesn’t work that way. You can’t go into a relationship with a person that doesn’t know you, expecting him to commit to spend the rest of his life with you. This is what arranged marriages look like.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

I don’t think a healthy relationship with an equal begins with me playing silly games and jumping through hoops like a circus animal. I’ve asked why women who’ve turned me down for a date get jealous when they see me flirting with someone else. I was told “She wanted me to try harder.” I thought “No means no.” She said “No.”

Maybe he has serious intentions and you will lose him because you kept saying no.

DavidRaul · Answer

Yes make him wait. Dont jump into sex or even sexting. Its really to see someone dating to marry. I date to see if she's my potential girlfriend and further my wife. Dating is a hobby nowadays, it should be a priority. See how long does he holds back. If he holds back for a long time and is genuine, he's your potential husband

AviatorTom · Answer

Why do you date only to marry? Dating is a fun part of your life where you learn about other people and yourself. Most people don't date only to marry. They date because it's a good thing to do and, sometimes, that fun turns into something deeper.

aialex · Answer

You could always set “date to marry“ on your bio to save time. But from personal view, you'll never know what's going to happen. So just take a chance, go out on dates and be safe.

Maybe you'll find the one, maybe he finds you

Anonymous · Answer

(rolling eyes), if he avoided a date with you (thinking this way), what would you think? You'd think he wasn't interested in you right? No different here. It's not a question of TIME, but COMMUNICATION!!! You ask/tell him what your dating/long term relationship goals are and find out if you're on the same page or not.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You shouldn't. That's a really dumb thing to do. If you're interested in the guy, go out with him. You don't need to "signal" that you're not going to have sex. Just don't have sex. It's as simple as keeping your pants on. Really not hard at all.

Biancam13 · Answer

I don't think you should wait. Waiting won't actually make a difference as to how he sees you, it's more to do with how well you two mesh with each other. The only thing I would wait to have is sex.

Twalli · Answer

You hold off on dating and he'll see if other girls he find attractive feel the same. If they like him as well and are willing to date him, he'll date them. Hold off on sex or kissing, but date him if you want to. He may not be the one, the reason you date is to find the one.

I_Can_Help · Answer

In my opinion, you are too old to be playing these strange games. Soon nobody will be interested in even chatting with you. If you truthfully want marriage, it's time to test out those privates. Maybe you'll learn you aren't even into men.

Hanrej · Answer

Uhm... Why can't you out of the blue say that?
You would waste both of your time pretending like you're gonna give in only to drop the bomb on him once you feel he's committed?

If it hasn't accurd to you you're just using him if that's how you reason and any man in such a situation should just walk away since the alternative is marriage to somone who will view the dynamics of their relationship as a longterm manipulation.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Dont wait to go on a date. Go and see how the vibe is. If he wants sex and you don’t, then tell him. Expectations will always differ to some degree so speak up and don’t just wait. What are your boundaries on a first date?

Miristheiss · Answer

Do not wait. If you like him go on a date. On the date you can tell him about your values and goals.

MrCommodore · Answer

No I don't think there is an expectation of a kiss on a first date, definitely not expectation for sex. Obviously it depends on the man and what he is after.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

If marriage is what you want then you should be honest about it right from the start. That way you just eliminate the men who aren't ready and the ones who stay around you know want marriage as well.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol I think that boat has almost passed. At your age, very slim chance it’ll happen. Unless he’s got no self esteem, never had a girlfriend or even touched a girl chances are he will find someone else.

Nattybrown · Answer

Waiting only makes him think you are proving to be a difficult girl. and at times he look at you to be a joke this is in case were you relate and react to his every text or call. so for me asking a girl for a date is just to be formal on my intention to her

driven159 · Answer

just because they expect it does not mean it has to be and not dating because they are not committed to marriage it is way too early to measure that on a first date you need chemistry to find that out you can know that by the internet or dating apps

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You shouldn't play games and just tell him. I always say to have success in dating you need to fly a flag. Too many various people out there to bother dating and talk about it later. Be loud and proud of your most limiting factors from the beginning.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Why don't you just lay out your views and expecations at that first date, then? Communicate, for God's sake, it's not that hard.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Playing that kind of game is not gonna ever get you married.  Have a discussion with him about it so you two can understand where the other stands.

Sixgunsound · Answer

Find out what his intentions are and save yourself a lot of time and trouble if you aren’t a match in that regard.

RedStealthOperative · Answer

If he values you enough, waiting for eternity will be no big deal to him. But please don't make him wait that long. Lol!

KrakenAttackin · Answer

At your age you should stop playing games and go on the date as soon as possible.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Don’t play games. Just tell him you’re only interested in marriage.

Guy13 · Answer

Until he goes MGTOW… With your Method, enjoy your Single life 🥳🥳🥳

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Wouldn't it make more sense to go out with him on a more friendly level so as you get to know him and then when you're ready tell him it's a date?

Berethor · Answer

You can tell him that you wait until marriage, and not only with sex but also with kissing.

RuthlessAggression · Answer

thats not ok to date thinking you're going to marry. you shouldn't "have a plan like that". It'll blow up in your face, I guarantee it

Guanfei · Answer

Nothing forces you to do anything, if you don't want to kiss or have sex, don't. But if you date to marry, tell him first, so he knows what to expect.

jahaims · Answer

Why not just tell him you only date to marry instead of hoping these vague actions will somehow tell him that.

Vegasrunner · Answer

This is an excellent question for men to read to get insight into the games women play.

DJB72 · Answer

Steve Harvey uses the 90 day rule. I'd say he's serious if he's still hanging out after that long

Jamesshinobi · Answer

at least 8 years because by then you will be close to infertile amd we dont need your kind of retarded in the gene pool

Fuentes · Answer

I can't tell you cause I wouldn't date anyone like this

TallAnon · Answer

Doesn't matter, guys will want sex, no matter how long you wait. Saying "no" in the moment is the only real solution.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

I think its dumb and a recipe to be forever single.

Staximus · Answer

You're not going to get to know him if you don't spend time with him.

jasco · Answer

Going on a date is just to get to know the person. You should wait a few years to date someone

packer87 · Answer

If he asks you on a date... and you are interested in him, just go, drive yourself, you set the place and time so you're comfortable.

truthisthree · Answer

dating is fake  so I do not waste my time  better off just buying a girl  and reminding her what she is good for

How long should I make him wait before I go on a date with him so he knows I date only to marry?

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