Does a guy want you romantically if he asks you to coffee and he pays for you every time?

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I met this professor on a university campus four years ago where I was taking an extended class. I’m not a college student - I actually have my graduate degree already so I’m older.

This Professor is still about 15-16 years older than me. He says he loves hanging out with me & always suggests to meet up again. For the past four years, we have met off and on for coffee. He always pays for mine. I usually get a coffee ☕️ Or tea and a little sandwich. I felt a little bad never paying so I just bought a star buck gift card for him to send to him to show him my gratitude. I feel some chemistry & he makes comments ‘I hope you like me’ and flirts a little, but not too much.

The first time we met up, he had a girlfriend and he did tell me that he cheated with a married woman before. He told me at our most recent meet up that he and his ex wife are ‘thinking’ of getting back together. This is confusing. is he a cheater still? Did he not learn from his past mistakes?

He does make comments when I talk about other men who have sexually propositioned me before that ‘oh… so you weren’t interested’…. I mean, if he’s wanting to get back together with his ex wife, then is it really appropriate to be asking and treating me to coffee a multitude of times and still requesting to ‘hang out’ more after the most recent ‘date?’ If they are even considered dates? He makes comments like how he ‘vividly remembers when he met me after one of his guest speaking lectures’. I mean, why would a guy spend money and time with a woman if he doesn’t like her in some romantic way, regardless of the degree of liking? I’ve been told that ‘men never just want to ‘hang out’. One guy friend of mine did say that ‘unless y’all love going to sports bars to watch sports all the time, he’s asking you out on romantic DATES!’

[SueShe]

If you are indeed in the age group 36-45, that makes the professor be in his mid 50s.

That would be the ideal age for the midlife crisis. We all know what is meant under midlife crisis. That is when a person has to prove to himself that he is still attractive and where he will try anything to get to "fresh meat". You seem an ideal candidate for that kind of experiment because you are open to his behavior.

Also, you are aware that once a person has cheated, he/she will always cheat. It is only a matter of incentive. Contemplating going back with ex-wife does not mean that in his mind, the hunting for fresh blood is satiated.

Yes, he is interested in you, however not romantically but only physically. Just be aware of it.

[PrettyPriya]

So I’m not the only one suffering from not being able to break my opinions into paragraphs. I’ve messaged admin regarding this. There were two “breaks” yesterday where things seemingly got broken. 😞

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya I did notice that problem yesterday as well as the new extended purple bar on the bottom of the page when I use the Windows application.

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe

I have the same on any of my iOS devices. I have messaged admin about the issue. The strange thing is that I was able to overcome it for one opinion after restarting my device.

Then, no luck. It also seems to be just for the initial opinion. Replies don’t suffer the same glitch. The extended bar is there for me as well. I only use the browser and not the app.

I will tag @GirlsAskGuys so they can see here what I’m on about.

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya The improvements implemented are often achieving the opposite result.

Anyway, enjoy your poolside week-end :-)

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe

Ah! Well that will be tough this week-end as the weather is not cooperating. I got soaked earlier this afternoon when out and about.

Luckily, the very worst have stayed west of us for the time being.

[GirlsAskGuys]

Hi,

If you are still having this technical issue as of today, please send a screenshot/explanation to [e-mail] so they can further investigate. Thanks.

[Asker]

I find your comments helpful.

I need to make some clarifications though:
1) you are right that I’m in that particular age range. But the professor is 60 or 61, not in his 50’s.
2) Im a little naive and hence confused, when it comes to meeting up with men because most players act like the feminine female and want the woman to chase them instead of being the man and declaring his interest…
I had a guy once that completely gaslighted me after spending nine hours in dates saying that they wer ‘never romantic dates’. Plenty of psychological abuse out there…

3) it only occurred to me during the last ‘date’ that he was interested in me sexually, etc. because before when we met up a multitude of times, he and I both talked freely about our relationships. But yes, when it finally occurred to me, that was when I posted this to get some clarity since most men these days pretend to be the female Instead of the man. To be honest, it’s pretty off putting and to me this shows me how many men are cowards. Definitely not marriage material for me.

Do in answe to your comment, yes, I cut it off with him as soon as I realized what he was
doing.
4) I spoke to my spiritual director and he determined that this man is acting wildly inappropriately. and so I’m cutting it off with him completely. I want to invest in someone that is much better marriage material than this guy, IF I am destined to be married.

It’s really unfortunate that an abundant number of men are not willing to be clear when they are taking you out on dates.

[Guy13]

It sounds like he has an interest in you. That is quite an age difference though...

[Asker]

Now that You mention it, agreed. To clarify what someone else said earlier that I’m ‘open to his behavior’, I gotta say that’s a little presumptive… not Everybody picks up on a man’s indirect behavior right away which was what motivated me to ask on thisplatform in the first place.
Clearly after reading the comments, my gut is right and I now realize that this man is a game player by not openly declaring his interest for me which is another red flag. It’s astounding how dash many women fall for this act but thankfully, I’m not going to waste anymore of my time with this fella who is 1) not interested in changing esp at age 60 or 61 and yes, 2) I agree with the comments that it is wildly inappropriate for men to be chasing women half their age. Def says a lot about the men that do this …

Also, mid/life crisis is just another label that tries to explain, and justify, a man’s bad behavior his entire life. It’s a bit ironic that our culture ‘tolérâtes’, and even supports, men being promiscuous at an earlier age with the excuse that people use ‘well, he’s just a Guy’ Isa a free pass for his behavior. But then the behavior is not as acceptable as the man ages, but his behavior is still the same and most don’t want to change …. Sad.

[Guy13]

Good for you... I know women who let what you are pointing out slide.-This is exactly because there is commodity exchange. Year of Rent and money for food necessities-to keep beautiful on his arm eye candy while she pays her tuition. This is real life.. sometimes.

[Asker]

Thank you, ‘Guy13’. I find your comments nurturing and unobtrusive and that goes a long way with me!
In response to your observations about other women, I have made *some of those mistakes myself before, for example almost marrying out of pity. It took a painful outside catalyst to finally see things as they were and make me decide to call off the engagement. If I went through with the marriage, boy would that have been a monumental mistake! And costly to myself and those around me. In my shoes I felt the pressure of not being able to ‘do any better’ and waiting nearly four decades to lose my virginity was a milestone but gets more and more difficult the older you get. Also having chronic severe illness like lupus, I am in a uniquely tough position, more than most can ever begin to imagine. (I Although intelligent Im told, i found out upon diagnosis why I have a delayed response to things! - lovely lupus in the brain!)
While having lupus can although serve as a good dating/marriage and friend filter in the long run, I had adopted the ‘scarcity’ mindset back then when dating.

[Asker]

But I’ve learnt these lesssons is why I’m
Doing so much better now! Trial and error you know? Plus I finally found an amazing therapist with a high level of emotional intelligence and spiritual director that both ‘get me’, to where I’m not always having to dumb things down for them and explain things! Makes a huge difference.

*Sometimes nothing gives you wisdom except experience that even the intellectually smartest person in the world couldn’t help with.
I find that women (and men) do the wrong things out of loneliness (sometimes, not all the time) and lack of social support from wannabe friends and or family members who are really not emotionally supportive, etc.
Also, don’t forget all the cultural and social pressures as well as the worsening of societal attitudes.
Note about this professor: what upsetting about this man is that he completely knows better. Not only is he older than 60, he is a PhD theology professor that teaches morality and Gods Laws to several hundreds of thousands of students! Yes, the whole fornication , prideful, adultery things, etc. He doesn’t care about the consequences he must suffer later but I’ve been told to not say anything to him about it although his soul is in grave danger. But this is the exact hypocrisy in the church, and not the mention all the sex scandals, - that make people want to have nothing to do with God or the Church. And I certainly don’t blame them. A friend says he’s being very prideful like many others thinking that he can convert back to God on his deathbed, but people like this conveniently forget that having a true conversion of heart needs to follow with behavior modified actions which is why we have our whole lives to practice to make the right decisions.

So yes, I think there are more temptations though for all of us when we are Linley and lack the support and or needing to work on the self before
Marrying.

[Anonymous]

I pay everytime whenever I hire escort...
Does I like her romantically?

[Anonymous]

That is very likely.

[Asker]

I agree. Also, I feel that ‘mid life crisis’, although true yo some degree, is still an excuse for ment get never change. The men I know including
MY bff, are co étant my chasing women half their age regardless their age. It’s not just a mid- life crisis, it’s more of like a lifelong habit in them that they don’t want to change. When men chase women half their age. That says a lot about them.

[Anonymous]

Either that, or he is just being friendly.

[Asker]

But I’m told that a man won’t ‘invest’ in you by paying for everything on dates if he doesn’t want sex, etc - basically wanting something in return …

[Opinion Owner]

Well, their is some truth to that.