How much of an age difference is too much?

[Anonymous]

I was bored today, so I tried to find some of my new coworkers on social media to add them.

There's a guy at work who I've kind of been flirting with, and vice versa. (Kind of, I'm very shy. But he's very sweet). Anyway, I realized that I have absolutely no clue how old he is. So I looked him up.

He's 30. I just turned 23. I knew he was older than me, but I didn't think he was that much older than me. He doesn't look 30. Granted, I also look a lot younger than I am, but still. I'm a little shocked.

I guess I shouldn't be that surprised, as pretty much all of my coworkers are older than me. But the ones that I talk to a lot tend to be on the younger side. My work best friends are 25 and 26. And I guess that his friends tend to be older. But still. I'm surprised. I have never been interested in someone more than a few years older than me before this.

It's fine. As we haven't ever actually dated yet. But I'm a little surprised, and I'm wondering if that should stop me from being interested in him. If we were both older I wouldn't be that freaked out by it, but it kind of caught me off guard. He's still cute. But I'm not sure how to feel.

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' age gap is 11 years.

Updates

1 y

I think I will continue to talk to him, just because I know he isn’t interested in me because of my age. It creeps me out when guys look specifically for younger girls. But we didn’t meet at some college party. We met at work. And I’m pretty sure he’s dated people a lot older than me.

I just need to figure out how to deal with my family about it. Because they will certainly not approve.

[bamesjond0069]

Why would it matter? I never understood this.

Im 35 my girlfriend is 19. When i was 32 my girlfriend was 22. When i was 30 my girlfriend was 18.

Its really not a big deal. Its much better in my opinion for both parties. But i say this to men too... an older man is still a man and a younger woman is still a woman. There are shitty men and women. So i can't tell you he's a great guy nor am i sure you're a great girl, but the dynamic leads to much better relationships id personally never bother with a girl less than about 10 year gap.

[Guy13]

That’s my Max. 10 years.

[sexy_julia]

No age gap is ever too much. My husband and I are a gap of 35 years. I’m 32 and he’s 67. We’ve been married for 13 years and have six kids. Our oldest is 12, and our youngest is 1. As our marriage went on, we’ve grown even closer than before.

[Asker]

I'm not freaked out by his age. I was freaked out because I have a pattern of attracting creeps who see me as childish and therefore vulnerable. (For reasons having to do with my own childhood trauma. I was immature, and I've worked hard to change that, but I didn't change my whole personality). They're the same kind of guys who intentionally look for much younger girls. The lack of experience makes them more easily manipulated. Finding out his age freaked me out because I wondered if I had accidentally stumbled into a situation like I used to find myself in all the time, and somehow didn't recognize it.

But I'm not freaked out anymore. I've thought about it, and the reason that I didn't recognize any red flags is that they aren't there. Because I don't think that's why he's talking to me. If it was he would have started making moves when we first met. Everyone at work knows how old I am, and even if they didn't, I look young for my age. But we didn't start talking regularly until after we had known each other for almost a year.

He also doesn't talk to me the same way the creepy guys who used to hang around me used to. He doesn't talk down to me, or tell me what to do. He's just sweet, charming, funny, and attentive.

Not to mention, people gossip at work. If he had a habit of hitting up the younger girls at work, I would have heard about it by now. There are a few guys at work who do, and I was warned about all of them within two weeks after I started this job.

I do have a question though. How did your family react when they found out? My parents don't like the idea of me dating anyone older than 25. (I know this because they wanted me to date another of my coworkers, who I'm good friends with. Then they found out his age, and immediately changed their minds).

[sexy_julia]

I was at first nervous on telling my family, about getting married to a man older than them and getting pregnant with our first child at 19. I'm also younger than his three kids from his previous marriage, whom had welcomed me to the family. I felt so unsure, yet my parents revealed that they were okay with the whole thing. On the other hand, my brother was not so welcoming.

[AlphaMale1]

For adults the general rule of thumb is 15 years.

[A94582773]

Brad pitt looks like a wet dog