So I’m new to this site, what do women look for in a man?

[Anonymous]

Just for record, and please understand I’m not doing this for any ulterior reason I got out a bad-ish relationship and not ready to enter a relationship just yet, i just want to see if I hit the mark at all:

6’3 (because I suppose that’s a major now?)

athletic, tho I have let myself go I’m getting back to my best shape again for myself and I play sports professionally (to a degree, I get paid yes not yet the big bucks)

broad shouldered

blond

hazel/blueish

I’d have to say I have a pretty decent personality, though I do tend to worry about things out of my control

im a huge nerd ONG

I want a bunch of children, I do have one but that’s a long story that has cause me a lot hurt and issue i need to work through.

I've wanted to be married since I was a teen but it’s true I do have a tendency to pull away from the one I love, not because I’m not infatuated with her but I’ve been hurt a metric FT. So Now I’m a little overly cautious and feel worried about my love for her (just being honest but I’m genuinely working through it, I promise)

Mainly a question for the Girls, but guys feel free to interject what I could do to better myself too. I value everyones opinion and will take everything into account.

Updates

1 y

Ok so in an opinion, I will add more to my personality, please don’t think I’m coming off as more than I am via text, I’m not trying to be: as I stated, boastful or arrogant.

So I have a good sense of Humor, I do a lot of self deprecating joke but it’s because I’m secure in what I’m making fun of. I also have a good bit of dark humor, and can take a joke. And even at times (which I can miscalculate after the fact) make light of serious situations because I want to lighten the mood a little. Cont

Updates

1 y

Cont…

I do have a temper but as I’ve matured I’ve grown to control it for the most part, or at least apologize sincerely if misdirected, which is why the gym is my outlet.

Im fairly reserved due to previous experiences, as forthwith as I am, I tend to overthink a bit or feel moreso a burden. This has led to a lot of love interests leaving because I worry about how I am to them. I suppose this is natural?

Im a massive cuddler and Love intimacy- cont

[WonderBell99]

I know that I’m young, but what I want in a man is probably not going to change (the basic, fundamental stuff):

My opinion will be similar to what @PrettyPriya said. I will just add on a few points to that.

Most girls do not want David Gandy or Henry Cavill for a partner. They just want a decent guy with a good personality who would treat them right. I’m a little worried that you kept mentioning that you are not conceited or arrogant when you’re just trying to explain who you are as a person. Describing yourself is not bragging or being boastful. I feel like you apologize too much and are doubtful of yourself.

I’m glad that you’re working on yourself, but you should also let people in.. especially those whom you love and trust completely.

You sound like a great guy. Different people have different preferences though. I prefer guys who are laidback, affectionate, playful, and have the ability to hold scintillating conversations, has the same long term goals as me etc. You check all my boxes, EXCEPT the “I usually distance myself from people when I get emotionally attached to them” part. Maybe it’s something you should work more on.. it’s completely understandable, but you should not push people away especially if you like them. It’s good to be cautious, but not always. Love requires vulnerability.

[PrettyPriya]

@wonderbell99 well put! 🙂

[WonderBell99]

@PrettyPriya Danke! ❤️

[Asker]

Thank you I really appreciate the input.

A lot of why I am working on things is a lot of what you listed. I suppose it’s more my personal and past experiences that have cause me to “shy” away from even myself. Admittedly I’ve been through quite a lot, hurt quite a lot so when it comes to talking about myself it’s harder to open up as it’s been used against me in the past from past relationships. Which causes me to distance myself, because im terrified of it happening again. I really would love to get married, and Perhaps I’ll divulge more of myself later on but I won’t do it anonymously and I’ll draw links to this post. Once I feel I’ve rebuilt myself so more an update and making it more personal.

I truly appreciate it.

[WonderBell99]

It is quite natural to have your guard high up if you’ve been hurt or betrayed in the past. I can resonate with you. I am the same as you, but most of mine stems from childhood/attachment issues. Always good to be cautious at first. I’m glad you are trying though - it is the action which counts, and if you keep trying, you will succeed. Have you considered therapy? It could help you a bit more. Just a suggestion.

That seems quite wonderful! I’d love to read your upcoming posts. Wishing you only the very best in life. Hope you have a great week.

Best regards,
Tatiana

[Asker]

I’ve thought about it yes, but if im honest im worried about being prescribed drugs for my issues. Im a veteran know a lot of guys who lost that fight. I won’t outright disavow therapy, but it would have to be known I really don’t want any form of medication.

I greatly appreciate the well wishes, it means a lot. I estimate a month but it can be sooner or later.

-23-25-1-20-20 :) vis

[WonderBell99]

Don’t be scared, therapy can help improve your mental health a lot. They won’t prescribe any medicines right away. They’ll first assess and then as your therapy progresses, depending on the state of your mental health, they’ll prescribe you medicines IF you’re still suffering from depression etc. You can always try it out for some time. If you do not want to take medicines, it is completely up to you. You will not be forced.

I’m not able to comprehend what these numbers mean. Maybe I’m too dumb or just really wonky due to exhaustion, but could you elaborate on what you were trying to convey through these numbers?

[Asker]

I’ll give it some thought absolutely. Maybe have a trial or something. But I suppose there is some benefit in it rather than venting or ranting to a friend or outside the gym.

The numbers are alphabetical. You’re not dumb haha it’s just not used.

[WonderBell99]

Yes, a trial does sound like a good idea. However, since you mentioned that you find it hard to open up to people, I must tell you this - if you do not open up to your therapist even after a few months, it would be of no use. I may sound annoying, but the effectiveness of therapy depends not only on your therapist, but also on you opening up to them. If you do consider therapy, be honest with them and tell them what is bothering you and please do not bottle up your emotions.

Oh, that's cool! :)

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, so I will answer your question in a second. I wanted to preface this by saying I am a bit disappointed that you talked about your personality well after looks and physical appearance. You will see why that is a bit disappointing.

First thing I look for? Personality. You can be the most gorgeous guy on the planet. If your personality sucks, I won't give you the time of day. All you mention is that you have "decent" personality. I would hope for more than decent. You don't elaborate on it at all other than you don't worry about things beyond your control. I'm not even sure what that means in regards to a personality trait.

I look for a guy that is a gentleman. He does those little things that make me feel special. He is funny and has a good sense of humour. He is kind and able to hold a conversation. He listens and is able to communicate. He is honest and will say what he means.

So, as you can see, looks really don't come into it when considering committing to someone for longterm. Sure, I absolutely have to be attracted to that person physically, but it is not number one on my list.

Hopefully, this gives you a sense of what is important to girls. Not height or physical traits nearly as much as who you are as a person.

[Asker]

Thank you, yeah I understand, personally it wasn’t really in any specific order. I was just sorta off the cuff. But I get what you mean and I should’ve elaborated. I’ll update it.

Just as a follow up response to “decent” is I can’t really express much a personality in text without feeling I’m coming off as arrogant, or conceited. But for the sake of The question I will include and update it. Thank you!! :)

[PrettyPriya]

You are welcome. I would not view you as conceited or arrogant for describing what kind of person you are. For example, if you said the following, I would be very much interested in getting to know you:

"I'm a fun guy that loves to laugh. I'm respectful and caring with a big heart. I like to make the person that I am with feel special. That is a priority to me. I open doors, pull out chairs for her, etc, etc. I am honest and will always say what is on my mind. I believe in good communication being important in a relationship. And on, and on..."

Those are things that do not come off arrogant and gives me a sense as to what is important to you in your partner and what you value. Make sense?

[PrettyPriya]

Ref update: 👍👍👍

[Asker]

Ok so I updated what o could, I’m limited to 2 per week. So it’s not all I have but I tried my best to expand on your concern.

[PrettyPriya]

Yes, I think that is a good update and really gives a sense of who you are outside physical appearance. You will see that @Càitjet has given a very similar opinion to mine on what is important to her.

[Asker]

Absolutely that makes sense I really appreciate the input. I will definitely take into consideration your take and hope to improve myself more IRL. :D

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you for the MHO! 🙂

[Asker]

No problem, It was tough between you and Wonderbell I’d have to say it was close :)

[PrettyPriya]

Other than @wonderbell99 mentions me to steal my opinion!! Hahaha 🤣

[WonderBell99]

I didn’t steal your opinion!😭

[PrettyPriya]

@WonderBell99 Hahahaha you know I could not resist though! 🤣

[WonderBell99]

😍😍😍😍

[PrettyPriya]

@WonderBell99 my eyes!!! 😭😭😭

[Guy13]

Who knows…throw your line out and see who bites 🎣

[Asker]

I get that haha if only it were actual fishing how much more tranquil all this would be lol

[Guy13]

Oh it’s fishing.. plenty of catfish in this here swamp 🙃

[Asker]

Wait to people get picked up here? Fr?

[Càitjet]

Newbie too 👋

Main attraction for me is personality. It takes a lot to get to know someone and learn to trust I suppose. Same goes for letting them get close, self worth and sometimes feel like I'm too broken to deserve someone.

[Asker]

I 100% get that, and I’ve felt that way before as well. Would you mind elaborating a little more?

[Agape93]

Jugular, kidneys, heart, subclavian artery, lungs and heart

[In_Trance]

they like guys that don't post anon

[Anonymous]

They look fr guys like you, lol.

[Asker]

Elaborate? Because I genuinely disagree, everyone has different preferences and I’m really nothing special.