So, who pays for the first date? Details below?

Question

We had matched on a dating site, and we messaged one another a bit. I ended the first conversation by saying, I had to go but I would love to meet him, and perhaps have lunch with him or something like that. He agreed and said he'd love to. Now being I was the one who mentioned a date to meet, should I pay? It was my idea but I dont know what dating standards are like now.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't have a problem paying for the meal for both of us but I obviously don't know this guy financial situation if he can pay for your lunch as well (assuming lunch isn't going to be ridiculous expensive).

I would suggest you come prepared to pay for your own meal and he if he offers to pay for you both then let him.

RealDaveThomas · Accepted Answer

Guy always pays HOWEVER, the girl needs to at least offer to pay, as to make sure the guy knows she's not there for the "free lunch", even if he's still paying

Pinay_ako · Answer

Since you asked, you should pay but if he’s old school gentleman, he’d insist to pay. If not, just see how the date goes and maybe split the bill. All the best

HonestAssholeJ · Answer

One stop worrying about it.

A true gentlemen always pays regardless of who ask if accepted.

Go on the date, if the topic is approached, then discuss it. If he makes a joke halves or something then do that. If he just pays then don't worry about it. If the bill if left on the table longer than a minute, reach for it and pay it.

A quick clue if the bill is brought and he even looks to you then just pay it.

My card is typically out so there is no discussion prior to the meal ending.

7barbieringz · Answer

If I'm paying for a dude then we're just friends and he's never getting any play. But since u asked, be prepared to pay. He should at least offer though

Men are supposed to show they can provide, if he's not doing that he's useless.

Just like men feel like women should be putting out or making babies, and they're plenty of men on this site who feel this way about women.

As a woman sex is always more of a risk, considering we can get pregnant and pregnancy can lead to death. Literally every time a woman has sex she's risking her life. Yet a guy can't pay $30 for a date?

Know your value ladies. Stop letting these men turn you into pick me's who think they have to worship the ground men walk on

letuswaltzforthedead · Answer

I grew up with the idea that the guy has to pay for everything on a date (regardless of who asks who) the more traditional way to look at things. I would say pay for it but at least offer to if you're uncomfortable with it. I honestly expect to pay for stuff when I'm out with people, more so if it was a date but I haven't dated yet.

AviatorTom · Answer

Amy, the dating standards haven't changed that much. If nothing is said about who pays, then the person who invited the other out should pay. Best is to discuss who pays before the date. I had a few dates where the woman told me that we should each pay half, which I was fine with. Maybe you should suggest that to the guy... before you meet for lunch.

DeviousD · Answer

My opinion may not be the current standard, so take it with a grain of salt, but as a 33 year old man it is my notion that the man should be the one to pick up the tab on the first date. You may be able to gauge his expectations depending on his age, I'd say if he is 30 than he likely has a similar idea on who should pick up the bill as I do. If he is younger than 30 than you might want to plan on paying for your own tab, while he cover's his own to be safe. Also, you might just want to play it by ear & simply go with the flow, but bring $ just in case. I know if it were me in that situation & the bill has arrived to the table I quickly grab possession of it before she can even have an opportunity to think about paying for it. That way any monetary awkwardness is avoided as it becomes clear that I have decided to take care of it, & that she mustn't worry about going in her purse.

FreedMan · Answer

I think at the end of the date your intentions should be clear. If it's not going anywhere then you should split the bill and bid each other a good night. Beyond that I think it's up to personal choice. I try and steer clear of the "I'm a strong, powerful, and successful woman and I don't need no man" types so it's usually less of a concern for me that I'm being used as a meal ticket. That said, as advice given by the same guy who created the video @shy_steve posted, if you don't offer to pay you weren't raised right... both ways.

Moose304 · Answer

I hate to play that define a first date card. It's been a long time since I met a gal on a first date. I don't spend a lot of money on a first meeting. I have expressed this many times now. A hotdog and a coke. I don't spend money on a female until I know her better. I am not saying I want bedtime first. I am saying over the last 30 years I have learned to be cautious. Hotdog and a coke, then if I want there to be a real first date most times it is at my home and I cook. Girl can't accept this,

ohsheeT · Answer

Well if you go with me I'm going to pay for it because that's just who I am I mean if I ask a girl out I'm asking her up if she asks me out I'm not going to make her pay for me so to me it doesn't even matter if I like you you're my friend or I'm interested in dating you that's all that matters to me it doesn't matter who's going to pay I'm going to pay I like Ford to just be cut and dry and done with and now let's go have fun

weysally · Answer

your idea then I think you should at least be the one to puck up the tab, but thigs could change, if he insists then what about half and half, going Dutch I think the term is, I think you are a good person to bring this up,

Guy13 · Answer

He pays for it but 50.00 with tip and drink water... If you guard his money... aware of prices... search online together. He will spend it easier now and spend more later because he understands your intention and heart. You can buy dessert to go and continue conversation somewhere beautiful...

Browneye57 · Answer

65? Meet for coffee - talk, get to know - decide if he's actually worth dating at all. If so, make a date for a real date, if not you leave. And you get up and leave at about an hour anyway, you have things to do, places to go, people to meet.

This way it doesn't matter who pays. Or buy your own coffee.

For the younger set, women are just sure if he pays for anything she's obligated for sex. Always makes me wonder why they're dating in the first place if they don't want any sex. [shrug]

You can't forge a relationship by texting or emailing - you have to actually meet and get to know.

loveslongnails · Answer

Kids today debate this all the time, and I find it really amusing and generally illogical. But you're 65, and if the guy you're meeting is anywhere near your age, I'm hoping he would pick up the tab, no matter who initiated the idea. My mom would bitch slap me if she heard I let a woman buy lunch on our first date!! LOL

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

You should be prepared to pay for everything, but he likely won’t agree to that. At most, you’ll go Dutch. If accepting the full burden of a date is too much, try to suggest meet ups and dates that require little to no money; like a walk, a hike, a picnic or a day at the beach.

ElementoP · Answer

I think men should pay in order to prove to the woman in some way that he can provide for her.
I know it's 2022 and women can take care of themselves, but on a more primal level, women want to know that a man can provide for her and their offspring. It's just science.

My sister's last boyfriend never paid for shit and always made her pay him back if he did chip in a little and acted like he was doing her a huge favor. Needless to say, she's not with him anymore

slatyb · Answer

You could offer to pay "I asked you, so it's my treat" but he will probably insist on paying half or all of it. Let him. If you continue seeing each other it will all work out.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

The guy pays for the first date in my opinion but reading your details you are having an irl meeting and not a first date. You said you met him online and used the word ‘meet’ twice in your question. To me this initial meeting isn’t a date so you can pay or split the bill. If there is chemistry and he wants to plan a date then he should pay for it and ask you out.

Domanihatu · Answer

On the first date, I don’t think it matters which pays; either one can pay, or each can pay for their own… But, typically, I feel it is most appropriate for the one who asked to pay.

kellytheman · Answer

I do feel who ever asked out the person on the date even if she one throne asking. Usually I am the one asking out the girl as a man and paying for dinner but I have had girls wanna go dutch ( split the bill in half) or pay for the activity after dinner like bowling or a movie or something else.

goodgirlsteven · Answer

I guess im too old school I never pay on dates thats just how I was brought up. I guess that why I like older men they never let me pay

nawtee_me · Answer

I always look at it like the one who ask the other out should offer to pay. I say offer because I will not fight over her wanting to pay for me too or only herself if I ask her out. I will offer and will pay if she lets me...

dustybiker · Answer

Asking and talking about it is usually helpful.

Seinna · Answer

Since you suggested it you should offer to pay... but if he agrees to that, run :D You don't need a man like that. Men aren't women, simple as that.

dragoblack · Answer

Both pay for their own is what should be expected and mandatory, that way if nothing happens of it no one is at a loss. On another note first date is simple

Zolly99999 · Answer

Guy always pays. With no expectations.. I'm old school

Googlemyahoo · Answer

Depends on bill lol. If its too much you split !

20yearsolder · Answer

I'm no aficionado with this but since you asked you should offer to pay. Probably just splitting the bill would be the proper thing to do

Subarugirl · Answer

Who ever initiates and asks the other out pays. It's basic etiquette.

KatherineJ · Answer

If you invited him, you should expect to pay.

OddBeMe · Answer

Technically you invited him. But as it stands, should be split. Manners say to offer. Chivalry says he’ll most likely demand to.

Twalli · Answer

I think the guy should always pay for the first date and always be able to pay, but not expected to once you become official.

Jcollings · Answer

I’ve always been a true believer in the guy paying for your first date. Even after my first date. It doesn’t feel right making the woman pay in my opinion

CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS · Answer

It all depends on who the guy is because most guys like myself prefer for us to pay.

jshm2 · Answer

Depends.  If it doesn't go well, then you split the bill.

ZS007 · Answer

personally I would pay for the date since I suggested it or just simply split the bill.

shaysh87 · Answer

you're seriously 65 years old and still asking this question? what are you 15?

jhl_x · Answer

Personally, first dates are always split, regardless of whose idea it was to meet.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

I think the one who talks about a date/who asks the other out should pay.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Well I always pay I'm a man and I feel like I should pay

sheikalana · Answer

Whoever invited for the date should be the one paying for it.

Beowulf_ · Answer

I try to always pay. I feel weird if I don’t but there have been times when a girl had asked to pay. I think for men like me it feels like genuine interest and is cool to be invited as well but again, I do like inviting my girl when we go out.

Xayemillz · Answer

You asked 1st you should pay. But if he offers to pay let him pay. But if he pay you leave the tip.

Shy_Steve · Answer

I totally agree with this.

maximumpower · Answer

Initially it was whoever asked for the date.  Later I became a fan of "dutch."  It establishes a benchmark for taste and expenses.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Both pay your own way an if hs ask you out next time he psys

Wise4myage · Answer

I always pay for the first date.

Waldoe · Answer

for a first meeting... each pays for their own... it isn't really a Date

TomatoSoup · Answer

If you expect him to pay on the first date, expect to be treated like he payed for your date, and vice versa.

Anonymous · Answer

The first date should be dutch as a standard. This way women can’t use men as bank accounts and free shit.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Ok you ask so technically you should pay.

bowenw · Answer

I feel whoever did the inviting should ask.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Whoever had the idea or offers should pay

Spiritofn · Answer

Whoever had the best time got 2 “flex 1 last time.

OnTheLevel · Answer

Maybe old school, but the guy pays.

ball34 · Answer

The guy should pay

Iron_Man · Answer

Men do

So, who pays for the first date? Details below?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

So, who pays for the first date? Details below?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.