When it comes down to dating, it can be very expensive to go on dates, especially if you are frequently dating a couple times a week. So who SHOULD pay for the date? How do you handle money issues? What if you only want to date rich people?
1. Who should pay if you ask for a first date?
If you ask, in terms of etiquette, you should pay for the date. A fine example of this is, if you said come over for dinner, you wouldn't expect the person coming to then have to cook their own meal. Same concept. This has nothing to do with sexism, it is simple etiquette.
2. What about a second date+?
Reciprocity. Hopefully if you're a decent human being, you will AT LEAST offer to pay for the second date (regardless of who asked) if you did not pay for the first. You should alternate who pays unless you both agree to something long term the longer you date.
3. But I'm a traditionalist who doesn't believe women should pay/men should pay. How do I handle that?
If you are a traditional woman make that clear UP FRONT. This will save everyone a lot of headache. But keep in mind, if that is the role you intend to play, if a man starts taking on the traditional role as well in your dating, don't be surprised because just as you have certain expectations, so will he if he is equally a traditionalist.
4. How do you handle going half and half?
Again, be up front with this. You don't need to waffle around and explain yourself, just simply ask if s/he doesn't mind going half and half on the date. If they freak out about it or cancel based on that, clearly not the one for you.
5. But dates are expensive, how do I handle that?
Dates are ONLY as expensive as you make them or allow them to be. NO ONE is forcing you to go on three dates a week to the most expensive restaurants in town. Don't get mad at your date for that one especially if you are choosing the date. Know your budget. If you don't have or simply don't want to spend a lot, find other more creative or cheap dates. If you are early in the dating scene, there is nothing wrong now (or ever) with going for a coffee, packing a homemade meal for a picnic in the park on outdoor movie night, or offering to take him/her to your favorite ice cream place after work. If your date suggests some place you cannot afford, steer the conversation to some place you can or potentially risk getting stuck with a bill you can't afford.
6. But cheap dates aren't that impressive, right?
Neither are expensive ones if you or they suck. Spending a ton of money on dates is no guarantee you're going to be successful with the date or dating. If you are looking for someone who isn't hung up on expensive dating, you'll soon find out if they seem to only want to use you for free drinks and meals or if they honestly want to get to know you and seem to care more about you then what's being spent on them.
7. I'm not going to apologize for wanting to go on expensive dates. I love money. Shouldn't I be treated like I deserve to be treated?
If you are this person, then you probably know the drill. Date people in "that tax bracket," and ones who love to shower their dates in money to impress. However, you don't need to be a jerk about people who can't meet your dating financial demands. A simple, sorry, I'm not interested if you're asked out is all that is required, not "I don't date broke people, bye". You don't need to put others down because you think you're above them. That will only show how awful you are as a person because everyone's circumstances are different and some simply don't want to date people like you which is just as much their prerogative as it is yours to date someone rich.
8. I'm totally broke, how can I date? Should I date?
If you want to, you should date. Where there is a will there is a way. Remember, all we have is this life and there is no point in wasting it waiting around all the time for your circumstances to improve BEFORE you can live it. If you are cash strapped but still fancy getting out there, fess up early that you're say a student on a budget, or you're saving for a new house, or you're working on paying off your loans, or whatever the reason, and ask your date if you can do something a little less cash heavy on your dates. Most cities have a list of free or really cheap fun things you can do or make up your own adventure. If someone is just insistent that you must have more money to date them, look elsewhere because you can't spend what you don't have.
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