If the guy wants to pay, I’ll let him. If I pay, I’ll pay for my portion. If we’re doing multiple things outside of dinner, whomever pays for dinner, next person handles dessert or the movie or whatever else we’re doing. Naturally, who’s paying for what will be discussed before leaving the house.
I think it’s nice when the guy offers. But shouldn’t be expected after dating awhile the girl should def treat. I’d have no problem going Dutch everytime as I’m looking for my best friend and partner not a free meal. When the girl pays for herself it shows a lot of things. Like I’m interested in you as a person. I can eat with you or alone and number one you can’t buy my time affection or love
Both pay in the first one. This thing of "whoever invites pays for it" only benefits the side that or more likely to be asked out, which is women. It's not a problem if I'm going out with a friend of mine or someone that I know, but not some person from an app or someone I don't know that well.
During the first few meetings of the two, I think the person who invited the other for the date should pay. Afterwards, if things are going well and they choose to make their relationship long-term and go on dates regularly, it should be payed 50/50 or they take turns paying (one pays this time, the other pays the next).
If I ask somebody out I'm going to pay for it if somebody asked me out I'm going to pay for it if somebody's too broke to go out with somebody then don't go out if you don't have any money don't go out you're not going to have fun don't go out if you have to ask who's going to pay it don't go out I don't understand what the big deal is this is why I work so I can have money to go to the things that I want to do
Seeing that 1/3 of women go out with men with no intention of relationship ever blossoming then giving women free meals (since men often are the ones asking) will result in one losing money rather foolishly. Why give money to a complete stranger?
If you "love money" and that being the primary reason for dating you're not dating for the person and this is now a job interview. Conduct yourself accordingly. Aside from that I think communication is key as the post highlights. That said I've run into several women that I later found out through their friends that I was a meal ticket (showing me the texts). Not sure if this happens in reverse so I dunno. I'm much more guarded with my funds now though so lesson learned.
A guy should make an honest estimation of himself on a scale of 1 to 10, where does he fall. He should then assign a number to his date. If they are within plus or minus 2 of each other, then they are equal and should split the cost. However, if the guy finds that he is a 3 and his date is a 9, then he is clearly dating a pro. If a 3 gets laid by a 9 and the pussy is amazing then this dude has fallen into a prostitute and he should pay to keep the pussy.
@MCheetah Dude, you can delude yourself if you want but you aren't going to punch above your weight. By your logic, a guy who dropped out of high school with a 2 digit IQ should apply for C suite jobs at FANG companies because he ain't a simp. Make any sense?
Like I said, a weak mindset is the killer of all goals. (I'm not even Mr. Confidence or a Chad myself, but come on...) Gain some more self-respect and realize as a man, YOU are the prize. Not her.
I’m off the opinion that the guy should pay for the first date. I’m old fashioned like that but after the 1st date either split it or whoever asks the other out should pay.
but also if I have the money to spare and I’m in the mood I’ll also just pay for the date sometimes as well just to be gentlemanly.
I'm studying courteous currently. It means: The habit of respecting other people's feelings on all occasions. The habit of going out of one's way to help any less fortunate person whenever and wherever possible. The habit of controlling selfishness in all its forms.
I guess that works for gentlemen too. However, honorable seems like it is defined as an opinion.
I always thought that the person the extends the invitation should pay unless it is discussed beforehand. I had a long distance relationship with somebody for 3 years. We had an arrangement where the person who spent the money to visit the other did not have to pay for anything else for the whole week.
It's negotiable, and it's flexible. Sometimes if you are prepared this won't even become a question. "Want to go to the con this weekend? I got passes!"
If you make reservation as an initiator, it's not cut and dry but allows the other to pitch in if they desire. "I made reservations for 6pm".
Split the damn thing! It does not matter who suggested to go on the date. You agreed to go, so spilt the money. Your partner pays half and you pay half. Unless your partner or you really want to pay fully.
If I invite the person out I am under the impression I will pay.
If they invite me out I will be under the same impression but I always ask this and bring money just encase and f they are paying that time around I will be sure not to to take finanacial advantage and get the next date. can also go dutch if they want. It can also be a good way to see a part of their character for the long term also.
The one who initiate the date becoz, that certain person make an effort to set a aside some important things on that specific day just to be with you. Also in the relationship should value give and take.
I always have pitched in for either paying every 2nd time or paying half. I never expect him to pay for everything. I don't even keep track and often just pay regardless. It doesn't bother me.
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At least with anyone I've ever dated more long term, aside from the first date (because usually he's asked and paid), I'm not keeping tally and I don't think they have been either. If we went more than one place, he's usually paid for one part, and me the other, or every other date or whatever. I did date one guy though where on our first date, he told me at the movie theater after dinner, "I paid for dinner, so now you're obligated to pay for our movie" and he literally walked off so presumably I would not be allowed to say or do anything other than pay. I really did not like that and never saw him again because of that whole "obligated" part because I didn't even ask to go to the movies. It was fully his idea after dinner.
Wow. Yeah, that's a massive turn off if they put it in your face like that. That's just immature. I'm sure you would have been more than happy to pay if he had approached it in a much more mature manner.
Very that, because I'm 100% sure if I had said those words about dinner, he would have probably walked out the door then. No one is obligated to anyone to do anything, and that was 100% the last date we ever went on.
"3. But I'm a traditionalist who doesn't believe women should pay/men should pay. How do I handle that?"
I am traditional and therefore I expect everything to be traditional. If she has a job other than part time, babysitter or something not careerlike, then cool. If she has a legit job she is not traditional and therefore I will not be traditional. This goes with anything, she acts modern she gets treated like a modern.
50/50 doesn't make sense. You should pay what you order if you split at all. Otherwise the person with small budget will have to pay for the expenses of the high budget one. Hardly fair.
The person who asked the other out although there was a few times I went to the restroom and never returned simply because I became aware that I was being used for free food and drink, one girl even had a boyfriend.
The whole "You asked so you have to pay" thing is a cop out. Women don't ask men out, and don't want to ask men out. You're double dipping a whole market built to your benefit already.
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If the guy wants to pay, I’ll let him. If I pay, I’ll pay for my portion. If we’re doing multiple things outside of dinner, whomever pays for dinner, next person handles dessert or the movie or whatever else we’re doing. Naturally, who’s paying for what will be discussed before leaving the house.
I think it’s nice when the guy offers. But shouldn’t be expected after dating awhile the girl should def treat. I’d have no problem going Dutch everytime as I’m looking for my best friend and partner not a free meal. When the girl pays for herself it shows a lot of things. Like I’m interested in you as a person. I can eat with you or alone and number one you can’t buy my time affection or love
Also if a woman like myself doesn’t believe in outdated gender roles… she shouldn’t expect a man to pay for her food.
Both pay in the first one. This thing of "whoever invites pays for it" only benefits the side that or more likely to be asked out, which is women. It's not a problem if I'm going out with a friend of mine or someone that I know, but not some person from an app or someone I don't know that well.
During the first few meetings of the two, I think the person who invited the other for the date should pay. Afterwards, if things are going well and they choose to make their relationship long-term and go on dates regularly, it should be payed 50/50 or they take turns paying (one pays this time, the other pays the next).
If I ask somebody out I'm going to pay for it if somebody asked me out I'm going to pay for it if somebody's too broke to go out with somebody then don't go out if you don't have any money don't go out you're not going to have fun don't go out if you have to ask who's going to pay it don't go out I don't understand what the big deal is this is why I work so I can have money to go to the things that I want to do
Whatever the two agree on.
By default I would pay regardless of who did the asking. But I'm not going to make a big deal out of it if they want to do it another way.
What I will make a big deal out of though is opening the car door and stuff like that. If they aren't gracious about it, it's the last date.
good luck losing money over and over.
@Lookingforthetruth
Spending money is not the same as losing money. Stop being a dick.
it is when you get no return from it and playing a fools game.
@Lookingforthetruth
I said to stop being a dick. If I didn't get something in return I wouldn't do it. Take your BS someplace else.
Seeing that 1/3 of women go out with men with no intention of relationship ever blossoming then giving women free meals (since men often are the ones asking) will result in one losing money rather foolishly. Why give money to a complete stranger?
If you "love money" and that being the primary reason for dating you're not dating for the person and this is now a job interview. Conduct yourself accordingly. Aside from that I think communication is key as the post highlights. That said I've run into several women that I later found out through their friends that I was a meal ticket (showing me the texts). Not sure if this happens in reverse so I dunno. I'm much more guarded with my funds now though so lesson learned.
it does not. There was a study that showed 1/3 of women go on dates with men just for a free meal.
nypost.com/.../
A guy should make an honest estimation of himself on a scale of 1 to 10, where does he fall. He should then assign a number to his date. If they are within plus or minus 2 of each other, then they are equal and should split the cost. However, if the guy finds that he is a 3 and his date is a 9, then he is clearly dating a pro. If a 3 gets laid by a 9 and the pussy is amazing then this dude has fallen into a prostitute and he should pay to keep the pussy.
If a guy has to be a simp, then that's how he ends up staying a 3 to begin with.
@MCheetah Dude, you can delude yourself if you want but you aren't going to punch above your weight. By your logic, a guy who dropped out of high school with a 2 digit IQ should apply for C suite jobs at FANG companies because he ain't a simp. Make any sense?
Like I said, a weak mindset is the killer of all goals. (I'm not even Mr. Confidence or a Chad myself, but come on...) Gain some more self-respect and realize as a man, YOU are the prize. Not her.
"a guy who dropped out of high school with a 2 digit IQ should apply for C suite jobs at FANG companies because he ain't a simp."
So you mean Logan or Jake Paul? Or any of the other countless bro-douches who have nothing going for them but some height and abs, if that.
@MCheetah Are you black?
Yes. What does that have to do with anything?
@MCheetah Nothing. I love black people.
I’m off the opinion that the guy should pay for the first date. I’m old fashioned like that but after the 1st date either split it or whoever asks the other out should pay.
but also if I have the money to spare and I’m in the mood I’ll also just pay for the date sometimes as well just to be gentlemanly.
What does gentlemanly mean? To be gentle?
@BUTIMRIGHTTHO It means to act accordingly befitting, or characteristic of a gentleman.
To act like a gentleman courteous, honorable, chivalrous for lack of a better word.
I'm studying courteous currently. It means:
The habit of respecting other people's feelings on all occasions.
The habit of going out of one's way to help any less fortunate person whenever and wherever possible.
The habit of controlling selfishness in all its forms.
I guess that works for gentlemen too. However, honorable seems like it is defined as an opinion.
@BUTIMRIGHTTHO Well that's what comes up in the dictionary so *shrugs*
I always thought that the person the extends the invitation should pay unless it is discussed beforehand. I had a long distance relationship with somebody for 3 years. We had an arrangement where the person who spent the money to visit the other did not have to pay for anything else for the whole week.
This is how men get extracted for resources by staying to traditional rules while todays women have moved on to the new set of rules.
It's negotiable, and it's flexible. Sometimes if you are prepared this won't even become a question. "Want to go to the con this weekend? I got passes!"
If you make reservation as an initiator, it's not cut and dry but allows the other to pitch in if they desire. "I made reservations for 6pm".
I am, but that's only something I impose on myself, I was raised by an ultra patriarch.
The impressive part should be the way I can make her feel rather than the date itself.
Just keep in mind I'm a 4 planet stacked Virgo & NOTHING escapes my attention when I'm in observation mode :p
U realize that 1/3 of women go out with men for free meals right?
@Lookingforthetruth I don't date often, been considering it, last time was 23 years ago..
Split the damn thing! It does not matter who suggested to go on the date. You agreed to go, so spilt the money. Your partner pays half and you pay half. Unless your partner or you really want to pay fully.
I think that's the best answer and also the most non-resistant answer which is not a surprise.
If I invite the person out I am under the impression I will pay.
If they invite me out I will be under the same impression but I always ask this and bring money just encase and f they are paying that time around I will be sure not to to take finanacial advantage and get the next date. can also go dutch if they want. It can also be a good way to see a part of their character for the long term also.
The one who initiate the date becoz, that certain person make an effort to set a aside some important things on that specific day just to be with you. Also in the relationship should value give and take.
Might as well pay for an escort service if you think a man asking a girl out and taking up her time by paying for her free meal.
I always have pitched in for either paying every 2nd time or paying half. I never expect him to pay for everything.
I don't even keep track and often just pay regardless. It doesn't bother me.
At least with anyone I've ever dated more long term, aside from the first date (because usually he's asked and paid), I'm not keeping tally and I don't think they have been either. If we went more than one place, he's usually paid for one part, and me the other, or every other date or whatever. I did date one guy though where on our first date, he told me at the movie theater after dinner, "I paid for dinner, so now you're obligated to pay for our movie" and he literally walked off so presumably I would not be allowed to say or do anything other than pay. I really did not like that and never saw him again because of that whole "obligated" part because I didn't even ask to go to the movies. It was fully his idea after dinner.
Wow. Yeah, that's a massive turn off if they put it in your face like that. That's just immature. I'm sure you would have been more than happy to pay if he had approached it in a much more mature manner.
Very that, because I'm 100% sure if I had said those words about dinner, he would have probably walked out the door then. No one is obligated to anyone to do anything, and that was 100% the last date we ever went on.
Exactly. Good for you for making a stand on what you believe is okay or not okay.
"3. But I'm a traditionalist who doesn't believe women should pay/men should pay. How do I handle that?"
I am traditional and therefore I expect everything to be traditional. If she has a job other than part time, babysitter or something not careerlike, then cool. If she has a legit job she is not traditional and therefore I will not be traditional. This goes with anything, she acts modern she gets treated like a modern.
I think both should deicide how they want to deal with it.
I personally would prefer to split 50/50 if possible.
50/50 doesn't make sense. You should pay what you order if you split at all. Otherwise the person with small budget will have to pay for the expenses of the high budget one. Hardly fair.
@Adam1978 Well I meant when both are financially stable.
I suppose what you say makes sense.
The person who asked the other out although there was a few times I went to the restroom and never returned simply because I became aware that I was being used for free food and drink, one girl even had a boyfriend.
Should: Both
Society: The man
The whole "You asked so you have to pay" thing is a cop out. Women don't ask men out, and don't want to ask men out. You're double dipping a whole market built to your benefit already.