I’m not my bf’s preferred “type”, how can I stop feeling so insecure about it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend have strictly only dated white girls that are older than him (he’s part white and part Asian). I’m Asian and younger than him, he has told me that he’s never been attracted to girls younger than him usually. I also know the specific “look” that he’s into, and I just know that when I see a girl like that walking past that he’s gonna check her out. He 10/10 times always do and he sometimes does a double take even.

He has always told me that I’m beautiful and that he’s super attracted to me but I can’t bring myself to believe him somehow. I guess in my head I think that “I can be the most beautiful person in the world, but I’m still not his type” 😢 Any advice on this please? Thanks in advance!

[MCheetah]

I've literally never been and never will be, any woman's physical "type." EVER. I think it's something you easily accept.

Me. I am no woman's type in existence.

If you can't accept that, then it's probably because you're saying YOU wouldn't date outside your type, which is why you can't understand how he couldn't either.

My "type:" Over 5'9", thick, curvy, big-boobed redheads with blue/green eyes and a nerdy/intelligent demeanor.

Someone who's not my "type" (tall thick gingers), but I'd still date her, cause looks are only one part of a person.

[Asker]

All of my exes were actually not my type physically but I still dated them and found them attractive. My boyfriend however, have stated that he ONLY finds older girls attractive (and I’m way younger than the girls he dated) and this makes me feel insecure I guess

[MCheetah]

Well, then he clearly is either lying about the older girls, or lying to you. Figure out which one it is.

[stratford]

If visually you are not his type and he is with you, he must be REALLY into you! You must have a great character and a strong emotional connection with him.

Be careful that your insecurities don't become frustrating for him by continually mentioning it. It's ok to have your insecurities but at some point you will either trust what each other are saying is true, or it isn't meant to be.

Hope that helps - I am sure you are beautiful in body and mind and he is lucky to be with you!

[Asker]

Aw thank you… I think the root cause of all this is mainly bc we’re still working on building the trust for each other. I still don’t feel secure enough in this relationship bc he’s done some shady stuff (talking and meeting up with his ex).

[stratford]

Unless he parted with his ex on good terms and they are friends or have kids together, that doesn't sound great. If you're in the same friendship group it's kind of understandable, but I wouldn't be cool with that. He is either with you or he isn't.

[Asker]

She’s in the same friend group as him and I don’t mind them meeting up if it’s with a group but if it’s just the two of them… Do you think I should talk to him about my insecurities?

[stratford]

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat some more about this?

[stratford]

Thanks for the MHO!

[darline19]

i think you don't have to think too much. if he doesn't love you, he would ask for a breakup, it's what it is... just be the best of you, and he'll value you. if he's not, then it's his lost

anyway, I have met some people who are my co-worker and my previous crush into old women only. so there's no chance for you and me to be older for these weird guys 😆

sorry for the emoji, I miss my co worker, so many gossip about him in our workplace 😆🤣

[Asker]

Yeah, I am definitely overthinking and worrying too much about this. And yeah there’s no way that I can change my age lol And it’s not like the older girls that he used to date were all “mature” some of them still acted like high school students according to him.

[darline19]

oh really? that's weird. but what I know, my coworker got some benefits, lmao. everytime he and his girlfriend went out together, she would be the one to pay 😆😆😆 he was only bought an expensive birthday gift for the old women. I think that's sweet tho. before my other co-workers told me about him, I told them probably he wants someone paid for him. and then every secret of him exposed by them 😆 it was funny getting know him.

[Asker]

Oh lol that’s funny 😆 I think he wants to be taken care of, or maybe a sugar momma would be the perfect fit for him

[darline19]

I think he wants both lmao. to be honest, he was handsome.! no kidding! so many younger girls crushing on him but he has no feeling for younger girls 😂😂🤣

[Bee-Hatch]

Ok you're letting the inner crazy out and it's beginning to affect you.


Has he said you're not his type?
Has he said he finds you unattractive?
Has he picked someone else over you?


If you answered yes to any of those then you might have a point. He's picked you and is dating you, how could you be any more his type? Side note, people have preferences, buy types? No. It's much more flexible by nature.

[Asker]

Yeah I know, it’s my insecurities talking and it’s bothering me so much 😣

He’s only said that he doesn’t find girls younger than him attractive which is why he’s only ever dated older girls, but now he’s dating me who is younger and that’s a first for him. Other than that, it’s mostly just me being insecure whenever he talks about his exes or girls he finds attractive 😬

[Nathan25]

Think about this statement. "You are not your feelings." There are certain things you desire because it is hard wired in your brain from evolution to want it. You can't truly stop wanting these things unless you install some new hardware, and there are no brain replacements. Just understand just because you have these desires and thoughts does not mean your desire for them is based in logic and reason. Practice behaving in a reasonable manner even while thinking unreasonable thoughts. Not easy.

[Asker]

Makes sense, thanks for this!

[melanieeeB]

Well in the end he is with you and honestly your type can change with time. 8 years ago I would say my type is blonde, blue eyes but I feel for the dark, brown eyes guys haha
I wouldn't take this for gold, he already told you that he is super attracted to you.

[Sandeeppingping]

I don't know if I'd rather want to be your type or be the guy you feel for

[melanieeeB]

I literally said that it changed.

[Asker]

That makes sense, I think he does have his preferences still. I just feel like such an outlier, especially since he likes to check out girls who are clearly his “preference”

[melanieeeB]

Yeah guys can be asshole, but I hope he is just looking cause of aesthetics and not really out of interest. Also in the end I don't think he cares about those strangers.
You could talk with him about that and tell him how you feel, I'm sure he will try his best then

[Sandeeppingping]

@melanieeeB so now I'm both your type and the guy you feel for?

[melanieeeB]

@Sandeeppingping get lost.

[Sandeeppingping]

@melanieeeB 😭😭😭I feel so rejected

[Asker]

I think he’s definitely only looking but the fact that he does double takes makes me feel insecure at times. Thank you so much for the advice tho, very helpful!

[melanieeeB]

Sure! I hope it will get better for you two 🙏🏼

[Asker]

I wish you the best, stay awesome!

[melanieeeB]

You too! And thanks 🙏🏼

[Staximus]

When I'm with a woman I really like, there might as well not even be any other women around because I don't even notice them. Guys that make it obvious when checking out other girls in front of their girlfriend are pieces of shit, unless she's into that sort of thing. Get rid of that bum.

[Asker]

That’s very respectful of you. I don’t mind my boyfriend checking out other girls if it’s just a quick glance, but he usually would stare them down and do multiple double takes and he gets pissed if I jokingly brought it up by saying things like “yeah I agree she’s super cute, no wonder you keep glancing at her” lol

[20yearsolder]

Guys are always going to check out girls. It's a fact of life. He chose you to date. Just know that insecurity is one of the biggest turn-offs for a guy.

[Asker]

I completely understand that, I don’t mind him checking other girls out if it’s just a glance but when he does double/triple takes or stare them down for a long time that’s when it gets to me. I haven’t told him about this tho, was thinking of just working through this on my own so that he won’t get affected by my insecurities haha

[20yearsolder]

You should absolutely tell him, hey do you realize that you're checking her out and then taking a double take? That really hurts my feelings.

[Asker]

Yeah I think I will do that, I held back bc I didn’t wanna sound controlling but I will bring it up to him gently. Thanks for the advice!

[20yearsolder]

You're not being controlling, you're just telling him your feelings. I feel disrespected when you do that. I understand all guys check out girls. It just bothers me when you do it with me. I am being disrespected at that point in time

[slatyb]

Unless he’s comparing you to others, you should get over it. I have a lovely wife but I still find other women attractive. Attractive doesn’t mean “I wish I were with her instead of you”.

[Asker]

I understand that, but the fact that he openly checks out other girls in front of me makes me feel uneasy - my insecurities are just overwhelming I guess 😔

[dustybiker]

He obviously has a new type. You. He’s now with you.

[Asker]

I should really start looking at it this way, thank you for this!

[dustybiker]

You are welcome. 😎

[dailyoctopus94]

If he can't rein in his maturity enough to give what you need from him in terms of respect, it's time to find someone that will.

No one wants to be or feel like a placeholder, and none of us really have the time for it.

[Asker]

I think he thinks that I’m ok with this bc I tend to just joke around and laugh it off when he openly checks out other girls - will definitely try to talk to him about this. Thanks!

[Zolly99999]

It's a horrible feeling. My last girlfriend was like that. I was the complete opposite of her type.. she ended up cheating on me with a guy that was her type.

[Asker]

Oh no… that’s horrible! This is also what I fear will happen to me, since my boyfriend has already openly admitted that he can’t help checking out other girls who are more his type and that he’s only checking them out (multiple times tho lol)

[Zolly99999]

Please be careful... I wish you the best

[Asker]

Thank you, I wish you the best also. You deserve so much better!

[Zolly99999]

Thank you...

[Danny_dan92]

Why would he be your boyfriend if you are not his type….


Use your brain

[Asker]

I don't know he told me that he’s only found older white girls to be attractive, it makes me feel like he’s only “settling” with me

[Danny_dan92]

Once again. Why would he make you his girlfriend if you are not his type?

[Asker]

In the beginning he told me it’s bcs I know how to “handle” him in bed lmao and it got me overthinking if that’s really the only reason that he’s with me 😬 I guess I’ll go ask him for some reassurance

[Danny_dan92]

You remind me of my ex. I don’t understand why women need constant validation and reassurance.

[Asker]

It’s not constant, words of affirmation every once in a while would do you wonders. Even my boyfriend needs to hear it from time to time and I appreciate him asking for it from me.

[Danny_dan92]

Does he ask for it from you?

[Asker]

Yeah he does, and I told him he can ask as many times as he likes to help reassure him

[AsaKyo]

He sounds stupid, so just leave him and find someone who likes the way you look

[Asker]

He does like the way I look (he told me so) but I think he still has his own preferences… 😔

[RealDaveThomas]

You feel like he's just settling for you, don't you?

[Asker]

Lol yeah exactly 😅

[RealDaveThomas]

go figure

[driven159]

If you are not his type, why is he your boyfriend you most have some attraction to him

[Asker]

I felt like he was only “settling” with me 😔

[maximumpower]

If you're so sure of it, why are you continuing to hang around?
Get the hell out of the relationship NOW and find a guy whose type you ARE.

[Asker]

I actually just needed some reassurance from him, bc I know he cares about me (despite me not necessarily being his “type”) - I know people can date someone who aren’t their type. I had an ex that was not my type but I loved him entirely still, I just wanted to hear the same thing from my current boyfriend

[LimitedBenefits101]

Women up lady you're almost 30...

[Asker]

Lol true

[duttyjamagyal]

Yeah Id be super insecure too

[Asker]

What would you do if you were in this situation?

[duttyjamagyal]

Well I'd just accept that I'm so enticing that he was willing to step out of what he was used to just for me 😀😀😍🥰

[Asker]

That’s an awesome mindset to have, I’ll start thinking of it that way as well. Thanks luv! 🥰

[duttyjamagyal]

Of courseee

[Wise4myage]

Maybe its time to make him an ex boyfriend.

[Asker]

😔 I love him tho