What to do if he doesn‘t put in a lot of effort?

[Anonymous]

I‘ve been on 3 dates with a guy and we get along really well. I just don‘t feel like he‘s putting in a lot of effort and I don‘t feel like he is super in love with me. I really like him but I‘m not madly in love with him either. Should I tell him that I don‘t like that he‘s not putting in that much effort? Or is there just no spark between us and I should just stop dating him? Or give it time?

[FilmGuy93]

3 dates isn't much time to develop romantic feelings. That being said, I think you would be wise to be clear about your expectations in relationships. Directly tell him what you need, and don't be afraid to walk away if he isn't making an effort to give you what you need.

One of the things I did with my current romantic interest is I took a moment to directly tell her what I expected from the women in my life. I'm glad I did that, because it also gave her a chance to tell me what she needs in men. It sets a precedent of respect and communication in the relationship.

[SClassWizzard]

Its been only 3 dates and you basically already want him to give you the world? is that what you're saying lol

You haven't been specific with what "he isn't putting a lot of effort mean". What efforts isn't he making exactly?

[Asker]

of course I don‘t expect that lol :) with my first boyfriend, even after a few dates we texted a lot and he would call me sometimes. But the guy I‘m dating right now usually takes a long time to text me back, leaves me on read sometimes, sends me short answers.. maybe that‘s just how he is but I don't know if that‘s how I would want it to be. I hope you know what I mean lol. Maybe I‘m expecting too much.. I don't know

[SClassWizzard]

Yeah see, first mistake there. comparing your first boyfriend to the guy you're currently dating. If you want another guy that is exactly like your "first boyfriend" then perhaps go back with him lol. Don't expect the same thing the guy you're dating is doing like your "first boyfriend". Give it time. You're rushing and whatnot and come off a bit entitled, and no one wants to be with someone like that. So the best thing to do is to SPEAK DIRECTLY WITH HIM and ask HIM why he is giving short answers, why he is taking too long or whatever and then YOU then must say how YOU FEEL. That him giving short answers and leaving you on read makes you lose interest, then see what he says or does. Then you'll have your answer and know what you will need to do.

[Asker]

yes, I see your point. I‘m not looking for someone like my first boyfriend though lol, I just want to be so in love that I want to talk to that person a lot, to be really amazed by them.. and I‘d like the other person to feel the same about me. I wasn‘t sure if I should talk to him about it because I don‘t want to seem too needy…

[SClassWizzard]

Well, in this case it is about your needs, and those needs are simple. If he truly dicks you, then he'd actually talk to you, not leave you on read, or whatever. Dating now a days is shitty, so its like, get straight to the point. You, or Him, either want it, or don't.

[Asker]

I will, thank you!! It kinda makes me feel like he just wants to keep me around for whatever reason lol. How do you feel about it? If you really like a girl, would you text her a lot and make her feel special or is it not a big deal?

[SClassWizzard]

I would text her on a daily and such and actually show that I want her, so yeah.

[maximumpower]

Walk away. Find someone else.
Don't bust your ass on a relationship where there's no chemistry.