Does “no chemistry” mean physically unattractive?

[Anonymous]

If someone says they feel no spark or chemistry but had a great time, does that mean they find your looks unattractive?

[WonderBell99]

It could be, but not necessarily. If I don’t find someone physically attractive, I would not waste my time or theirs by going out with them. If I don’t find them attractive within 10 minutes, I’m probably never going to find them attractive and no, getting to know them would not change a thing. They could have the best personality in the world and I would not be attracted to them physically. However, if I need to date someone, I need to be both physically and emotionally attracted to them.

If I don’t have chemistry with someone, they probably don’t make me feel “good”. Good as in, the romantic kind of good. It’s hard to explain just by a few words because chemistry for me, is more about having a scintillating conversation for hours and hours on without any awkward silence. I could talk to them about the most random stuff ever and we would still have something fun to talk about. If someone has similar views as me in terms of religion, politics etc, I’d find them fascinating and would like to know more about them. It’s more so about compatibility of our personalities than looks. Answer may vary from person to person.

[Asker]

I see, yeah that’s helpful thanks!

As a second question, what about a vice versa situation? You said the greatest personality on the planet can’t change lack of chemistry. But would the best looking person on the planet be able to spark some feelings? (and I mean, best-looking by your subjective standards)

[WonderBell99]

If I find someone physically attractive, of course, I’d go out with them. Anyone who says looks don’t matter is clearly lying because it matters a lot.. at least, to me. But, personality takes much more importance. Looks attract me, but it’s the good personality that makes me stay. A guy could be the hottest person on earth and could have a shit personality. Would I go out with him? Absolutely not. He would instantly become more unattractive than a gremlin to me.

I’d rather date a guy who’s a 6 and treats me well than a guy who’s a 9 and treats me like shit. Does this make sense?

[WonderBell99]

He *could* spark interest ONLY if his personality was compatible with mine.. but then again, any guy I’m attracted to could do that.

[Asker]

Yeah that definitely makes sense to me.
I guess one final question before I stop bothering you Lol

Would you say that basically makes chemistry something separate from both looks and personality? Or maybe a bit more dependent on personality

[WonderBell99]

You are not bothering me at all. I have all the free time in the world! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. 🙂

Hmm, I would say it’s compatibility, because I’m not usually compatible with a lot of people and I almost always seem to have a type (of personality) that I’m subconsciously attracted to. It’s usually highly intelligent and passionate guys who intrigue me… and when someone intrigues me, I tend to develop a crush on them, and I find intelligence much more sexier than muscles or money or a car or whatever it is that guys think most girls are into. In fact, I find muscles repelling, but that’s just me lol. Chemistry is more personality dependent for me. I could even have chemistry with a person I’m not attracted to. I would say I even have “chemistry” with my friends because I mesh well with them. It need not always be romantic.

[Asker]

Ah I see, so a good matchup or interplay of personality types

Thanks for answering!

[WonderBell99]

Yep, pretty much.

I would advice against you overthinking what your date said to you. Just because they did not feel chemistry with you does not mean that they find you attractive. Don’t lose your confidence. You seem friendly. I’m sure a nice girl will appreciate you for who you are soon enough. ☺️

[Asker]

Much appreciated

[Jamie05rhs]

@WonderBell99 When you say that someone makes you feel the romantic kind of good, is that the same thing that people refer to as "butterflies"?

[WonderBell99]

@Jamie05rhs Yep, it’s butterflies and I feel warm and flustered when I’m around them. Generally, happy.

[Jamie05rhs]

@WonderBell99 Dang. That really makes me wonder... Should I be TRYING to make a girl feel butterflies? Because normally I don't try. Actually, normally I actually try to do the opposite. I try to appear as asexual as possible. Because I don't want to frighten anyone.

[WonderBell99]

@Jamie05rhs Eh, no. I just prefer that it happens naturally. Don’t try. Just flirt lightly so she knows you’re interested. I don’t mean sexual flirting because that’s a huge turn off. I meant like complimenting her (genuine) compliments, like “you have such pretty smile” and stuff like that.

I usually only feel butterflies when the guy is flirting with me or compliments me. If not, I just feel the good roller coaster kinda rush.

[WonderBell99]

And the roller coaster kinda rush is a GREAT thing too. I enjoy the company of guys I’m interested in.

[Jamie05rhs]

@WonderBell99. Interesting.

[J2ohhhhh]

TLDR: Physical attraction often is just that someone likes your personality and when they look at you, your body reminds them who you are.

A big portion of beauty is cultural. If you showed a sport car and a prius to an indigenous person without knowing at least a little about cars (let's assume they have same quality painting) they would very likely to find them equally visually pleasing. The reason why we find sport cars better looking is because we know that they are fast and that others like them too. Same with physical attractiveness. We don't find certain shapes and ratios attractive only because some Fibonacci told us to do so. As an aerodynamic car communicates to you that it is fast, broad shoulders on a man communicates security and protection to women. Maybe it's a bit calmer for women nowadays, but if they wanna go for a nightwalk or star gazing or just try the less traveled path, they're better to have a man. So for example if you lack confidence, you'll try to stay lowkey, hide your size, have a shit posture rounded shoulders. Which is is physically unattractive, yet it is not physical. Not everyone is physical what we see with our eyes. Just ask yourself once why, you find certain things attractive. If you can answer it, other than "just because" you made your first step of practicing your free will.

[AviatorTom]

Not at all. It just means there is no physical attraction. I once dated a woman who complimented me on my looks but said she felt no chemistry, we broke up after 3 dates.

[AmandaYVR]

It's a combination of looks and personality not jiving.

[Asker]

So does that mean they like neither?

[AmandaYVR]

Don't bother spending your time thinking about this. It's only self-defeating.
It's more based on the person's personality and behaviour.
But it's also the polite, socially-acceptable answer, which is a way of not going into unnecessary (or hurtful) detail. You don't need to know, honestly. It won't help you.

[Asker]

I’m okay if you want to give the brutal answer as well

[AmandaYVR]

It could be just an excuse for not finding the person sexually attractive.
But chemistry is more about the vibe between two people. Personality is really important. Think of some male Hollywood successful actors, often comedians, who are not at all classically good looking, but starred in movies that had a love interest, and the movies go on to be successful, and the actor irl ends up married, or dating a lot. You might say, "Oh well it's because they had money by that time." That certainly helps, will factor in, but the guys are also often the writers of these stories, and they have found ways to woo women/girls. And it's what they do with their personality, often with being unafraid, making them laugh, etc. A guy who's not classically good-looking, and brings nothing to the table, in terms of energy, will likely not be successful with women. (Although religious types are a whole different type, and they are conservative and quiet, often. So there's always exceptions.) A lot of young people don't want to believe it, but the way the guy acts, and him valuing himself, really does factor in a lot. Did he make her laugh? Feel special? Listen well? Have charisma? All of those things also equal "no chemistry."

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmandaYVR Great answer, Amanda! Thank you for digging deep for that second effort! This is what men desperately need today. The REAL truth!

[mandyfire98]

To me it doesn't mean physically unattractive but it means you overall vibes done match up on some things. Maybe it's a conversation or personality clash or maybe your sexual chemistry is off.

[FilmGuy93]

Not necessarily. I've met lots of extremely sexy women who I wouldn't say I had chemistry with, just because there wasn't any excitement about the prospect of touching them.

[Massageman]

"No chemistry" for me was a wish in high school. The class was the first- and last at the school- using the "chemical bond approach". While true conceptually, it was asinine to build a high school chem class around it.

[Massageman]

OH- you meant with a mate! Not necessarily. Some people are great together but are not fashion plate people.

[Avatar74]

No I don't think it does good looking guys aren't necessarily going to have chemistry with a beautiful woman. I agree with some of the posts that it is more to do with whether two people feel drawn together through their personalities.

[Asker]

Makes sense, thanks!

So a type of feeling or match that people can’t quite put their finger on?

[maximumpower]

Not physically.
That's why it's called "chemistry" and not "visually."

[Waldoe]

that's is what it means... also no emotion attraction... basically NO attraction