If someone came up to you and had a stutter, what would you be thinking especially if the goal of the person is to become more than friends?

[Anonymous]

So there's this girl at my job. I saw her in her department and thought she is absolutely beautiful. I went back to my area and asked some friends I made and trust what her name is, since, at the time, I've been there for like 2-3 weeks and never seen her before. But they said her name, then told me she is shy and everything about her. But anyways, I have a stutter and have always had it. I've been rejected because of it and I definitely don't want that happening again. Girls (or guys), do you care if a guy stutters when talking to you? like not just out of nervousness but because he has a speech impediment. My friend told me something before I introduced myself to her, "it doesn't matter how much or how bad you stutter. All that matters to her, is that you made the effort to talk to her". When i spoke to her I didn't stutter but I know if I talk again I might do it. So does it change the way you feel if you hear it?

[FunkyMonkee]

It wouldn't change anything for me. I'd even try to work with you to get you to stop. So far, it sounds like maybe you just need to be around her to get it to stop. I have a tiny bit of a "nervous tic" for lack of a better way to put it but, I've noticed that when I'm around other people, I don''t do it at all!! It's only when I'm by myself that it shows up.
Mel Tillis is a famous country singer who has a bad stutter when he talks but it doesn't show up at all when he sings!
Maybe we all just need public situations around us to keep it from happening!
I WAS gonna suggest to you that maybe, for a while, you can try talking slower than normal. As slow as you need to to be able to speak without the stutter.. Keep your speech that slow for a while until you get so used to it, you an actually speed up a bit and gradually get up to normal speed without the stutter. Sort of like how, if you've got the hiccoughs and somebody distracts you so much you forget you even had them and they go away.
Maybe try recording yourself talking and then play it back to listen to it and it might trigger something to make you stop.

[Asker]

I appreciate the advice. So lately I have been trying to talk slower and in a calmer tone. It has been working but I still stutter somewhat. So this is weird for me for stuttering. So basically, when I am talking to a friend of mine that knows I stutter and why like 1 on 1 and no one is in the area I'm perfect. But when others are in the area you would think I'm extremely anxious, nervous and in a hurry. It is all fast and stuttering. But with girls, I don't know why but my stutter is almost non-existant. I don't know if it's because I've mostly been around girls in my life with family members and friends since in my family minus uncles there are a total of 2 boys and 6 girls and my friend group in high school was 3 guys and like 30 girls (mainly from a cooking class). But when I don't know what to talk about that's why I start stuttering and panicky. But today, I came up with a plan that I am going to take a break on liking her or any other girl in a dating type of way. I am going to focus on bettering myself mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically. So that if she didn't want me then she'll want me now. But it's not just for her or other girls it's to make myself more comfortable and acceptable to myself.

[FunkyMonkee]

Okay, well, go for it! Whatever you think might work.
I got a feeling SOME of it is about being around other people, especially guys! Maybe it's got something to do with an experience you had with a guy a LOOONG time ago. Something you forgot or that was so sub-conscious, you never even noticed it before.

[Koalamate]

So you spoke to her and didn't stutter? Well done.

She will appreciate the confidence and thought even if you stutter.

Sadly you can't just not talk to her, or be a mute it won't work trust me.

Your stutter is apart of you hate it or love it accept it own it.

[Asker]

If I could be mute forever and people know I am omg sometimes it would be so nice. But it won't work in this instance. Weirdly enough, so this is something I haven't told any of my newer friends at my job. Basically when around girls I hardly stutter but when around any guys I stutter quite a bit. I know, usually it's opposite, I stutter around girls and ok around guys. But that should help with talking to girls lol. But it still comes up. Also, I somewhat like how you said it's apart of me and to own it. I like it because almost everyone in my life has told me to "just stop stuttering it's easy" and all that and I'm like "if you think I could stop don't you think I would stop? I'm not doing it to be different" LOL like they don't get it.

[Asker]

But recently it has gotten better and I've chosen to take a break from trying to date any girl for now and to build up my confidence, get in better shape, improve my speaking, and all that. Just so 1. I don't have to worry about this too much and 2. So i feel and look better

[Koalamate]

you do you manm talking to this girl will help your confidence even if it doesn't go anywhere.

[watercolor_lions]

Whoever rejected you before is an uncommonly shallow asshole and you shouldn't base your expectations on that single experience.

I wouldn't think anything of it if someone asked me out with a stutter.

[Part2603]

Sure. But you're not being helpful. Like it or not, girls like confident men, and a clear articulate voice is part of that.

[Asker]

@Part2603 I agree with both, some girls but not all like guys who can have a firm voice and be confident. But some girls, as well, are ok with the stutter. This was also back a while ago like in once or twice and middle school and high school, but still. I know I shouldn't base my expectations on that experience but it's hard not to think about it since I haven't asked out many girls since, just one and it was a big mistake.

[Part2603]

See that's your problem. You shouldn't be asking girls out. Well, let me explain.

It fiction there's this meme, that you "ask a girl out on a date". It works in a hollywood narrative, because the camera follows the main character around.

In real life, it doesn't work like that, girls generally don't develop feelings for someone in their friend group. So instead of "asking a girl out" what you should do is continually flirt with a girl.

Then you "ask her out".

But even better is to practice game with random strangers.

[Asker]

@Part2603 Hmmm... I see, you just made life a lot easier for people like me LOL. except I'm a horrible flirter but I can sneak it in every once in a while. I'm also very flirty on accident so lots of people think I'm flirting when I'm not. Stuttering doesn't help with that lol people think I am so excited to talk to them

[AndrésC64]

I would echo what your friends said. And I know that it's much easier said than done, but If she doesn't want to be with you because of your stutter, then she's really not worth being with.

[Asker]

I agree, if she doesn't like who I am then I can choose someone else to date. Which most likely I will since I just don't, at the time, have the courage or confidence to talk to her. Like it seems so easy. All I want to do is go to her office and say "good morning" and walk away but everytime I get close to her door like everything in me shuts down and I can't move anywhere but away from the door. Also, for some reason when ever someone tells me good morning at work I stutter hard and can't say it. But when I say it to people passing I can say it no problem. I talked to her once and you would've thought I just jumped off a airplane like I was ecstatic when I went back to my friend group and told them and first thing I did was thank them for helping me.

[AndrésC64]

Instead of going to her office can you just say "Hey" when you happen to pass her like you do other people. Don't try to force a conversation right away.

[Asker]

You have no idea how badly I want to do that method except we rarely walk past each other so basically the way the layout is... picture a house with a garage. I work in the garage and go inside the house rarely, only to bring something to the person inside. She never comes outside and only walks around inside. Also the people at my job want me to ask her out and all this like I've literally never talked to her yet for all i know she can be crazy but i doubt it tho. But still I want to slowly talk to her and get to know her

[AndrésC64]

Maybe try to find some time/place where you could "coincidentally" run into her. What do you guys do for lunch? What about coming and going at the beginning and end of the day? If you got there before she did for some reason or stayed so that you could both leave at the same time. If that wouldn't seem weird.

[Asker]

One guy did suggest me asking her to go to lunch with me but same time I don't know when her breaks are. My idea for now is to put my feelings for her to the side and focus on being friends and that way I know her better without having my crushy feelings.

[AndrésC64]

I think that's a good idea, it will take some pressure off. As far as lunch goes I didn't necessarily mean that you had to ask her out. I was wondering if maybe there's a cafeteria or break room or something of this sort where everybody goes to eat.

[Asker]

Like there technically is a place where people go for lunch but no one really goes there. Mainly because there are customers in the area. I don't deal with any customers since the department I work is in a warehouse so it's just me and some other guys. But she works for customer service, which I could imagine is probably the place where anyone and everyone would get tired of customers since some are nasty and mean, obviously not all. Usually, I go to a close by restaurant or something like that. I've started going to a 7/11 since the food is cheap, sure not the best quality but I'm trying to save money here lol

[Anonymous]

It can get frustrating if you’re having a conversation with them, maybe short sentences would work so they are not waiting to long to know what you are talking about. This reminds me of the movie “A Fish Called Wanda”, it’s hilarious

[Anonymous]

Most women probably will reject you for it I'm sorry to say man. I hope everything works out for you man. Good luck!

[Heolurt]

I'd be kind to them because I have a stutter, it's not a constant one but it's still there.

[Nikki1989]

I honestly find it cute.

[Jamesshinobi]

same here! i didmt expect to see anyone else

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Nothing, I’d just listen

[Pleaznhim4me]

T-t-t-t-t-today son!