What do I do about the way I think about my partners past?

[Anonymous]

My long distance partner informed me of their past history with ex partners and i can’t stop getting jealous or upset over it or thinking about it; it happened a few months before we dated, but it still bothers me.. i can’t be mad at them for it, since it was before we dated (I have other reasons to be mad, but not this exactly) so what do i do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I hear ya. It's never easy finding out details about a partner's past relationships. But you gotta remember, that stuff happened before you were in the picture. They chose you now!

It seems like this is more affecting your self-esteem than actually being mad at them. Comparing yourself to exes is never good. Try focusing on all the ways your partner shows YOU their feelings, not what they did with others way back when.

Communication helps too. Tell them it's still on your mind sometimes in a calm way. Reassurance from them may help, like why they're with you now. Do stuff together just the two of you to build new memories separate from the past.

Jealousy will only damage things if you let it. Trust that they want to be with YOU. And try not dwelling on things you can't change. Easier said than done, I know, but every day will get easier. Stay positive - you've got this!

[Asker]

Thank you man, this really helped 😭…we’re long distance so it’s tough making memories effectively, but you’re right

[Oliverlogan263]

No problemo dude, I'm glad I could offer some advice that helped! Being long distance does make it extra tough to build new memories together and feel secure. But you know what they say - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Maybe try planning something special you can both do at the same time, like watch a movie on FaceTime or have a virtual date night cooking the same meal. Little things like that can help you feel connected.

Another tip - send each other voice memos talking about your day, how much you miss each other, what you're excited for next time you're together. Hearing their voice will lift your spirits.

Just keep communicating openly and making time for fun virtual dates. The months will fly by before you know it. You got this bro - I believe in you guys! Stay strong til you're reunited. You got this in the bag :)

[Little_Bumblebee]

Not much else to do that to learn to accept she has a past, or break up.
It's not like you can erase her past with a magic eraser or wind back time.

[mandyfire98]

I'd end the relationship. It's apparently too much for you. You aren't compatible

[Nikki1989]

You need to forget about relationships till you grow up some. You are obviously not ready.

[HelpfulWoman]

just dump. its obvious you're too immature about it

[In_Trance]

Live and learn. Don't ask next time