Why can't men just be honest about their intentions from the start?

[ChildofVenusxox]

I met with this guy off a dating app in July we talked a little bit. And in August we had our first date we went out to eat. And then on our next date, I went to his house. We had sex (before we did he said he didn't want me to think he just wanted sex). I told him I was ok with having sex with him. And so we had sex and I kept going to his house on a weekly basis until a couple of weeks ago. When I would go see him we would cuddle, watch movies, have sex, and eat. We actually cooked together once and then the last time I saw him I brought him dinner. So a couple of weeks ago he told me he thought he wanted to date, but that he was wrong and that he's really busy with work. And that he didn't have time for anything (he had actually said this one time before but he still let me come over). So since he told me he was too busy and didn't want to date. I've been texting him he hasn't really replied much. I told him I wanted to come to get my sex stuff (I don't know why he let me leave my sex stuff knowing that he didn't want to see me again). He said ok and I told him I accidentally taken his boxers. He said he had time that day and that I could return them. I called him a liar but then I thought about it and apologized. He hasn't said anything I'm going to call him today. I want to know why he lied and just wasn't upfront and honest with me from the start. If all he wanted was sex he should have made that clear.

If he would have told me all he wanted was sex from the start. I would have been ok with it I don't have a problem with being friends with benefits I've done it in the past.

So today I'm going to call him and ask him why he wasn't just honest with me.

I knew he only wanted sex because he had sexual stuff on his profile. Talking about how he liked to be pegged. And when I asked him if he actually liked it that's when he started saying when were we going to meet.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Because they're afraid if they were honest with their true intentions, we wouldn't be interested in them, or it would run us off-

Yeah I said it. The truth hurts sometimes.

That's the issue with dating: we usually put on a facade to impress others because if we're too honest and open about ourselves upfront, especially on dating sites? It'll run potential partners off. Yet people claim they want "open and honesty" when getting to know someone 🙄

Dating wouldn't be so convulted if people would state their true intentions from the getgo-
You just want sex? Say it. Want a long term relationship? Say it. But don't mislead or lie to "spare" someone's feelings or just get in their pants.

[ChildofVenusxox]

He should have said all he wanted was just sex from the start. There are actually some people who do put on their profile all they want is a hookup and no strings attached. I am always honest about my intentions I don't lie and tell people I want a relationship. When they ask me I tell them I like going with the flow and that's what I always say.

[Chazmatazz269]

You’re assuming he lied, but i can’t understand why. He explained that his situation has changed and/or he changed his mind. It happens. People change their minds. You’re lucky to be a woman. Over 70% of married women change their minds AFTER marriage, and destroy men’s lives in the process. What happened to you? You got your hopes up and had to make an extra trip. Ell oh ell!
Maybe you shouldn’t date or sleep around until you learn to accept that you have neither the right nor the responsibility to control men and their feelings.

[ChildofVenusxox]

I'm sure he knew before I left that day that he didn't want to see me again. Yet he was ok with me leaving my sex stuff at his house.

[MikeInHawaii]

I don’t know why men aren’t more honest. Why don’t more men tell women they want to spend as little money on them as possible, have as much cheap, meaningless, non-communal sex as they can, brag about it to their friends, then call her a slut for doing it?

I don’t know, maybe women, even those who’ve been around the block more than the ice cream truck, want to hear those sweet lies so they can play the plausible deniability game with themselves.

[Shamalien]

Girls who put out on the second date and fuck the man in the ass with a strap on cannot expect much in the relationship department. To to a kink dungeon that’s where you belong, or smarten up and start dating like a classy lady. Find a classy lady to teach you how

[ChildofVenusxox]

There isn't anything wrong with having sex on the second date. And I didn't actually fuck him with a strap-on.

[Shamalien]

Okay enjoy your life with that philosophy and don’t ever even dream of complaining about how men treat you

[normalice]

Most women don't want men to be honest about just wanting sex. Especially women who also just want sex - they want to believe they are in a relationship so the sex is better, even if they only believe it for an evening.

[ChildofVenusxox]

I am always honest about my intentions I don't lie and tell people I want a relationship. When they ask me I tell them I like going with the flow and that's what I always say.

[normalice]

Thats good but most men don't expect women to be honest.

"Life is a costume party and I'm embarrassed to notice I'm the only one who wore my real face"

[Jamie05rhs]

"If he would have told me all he wanted was sex from the start. I would have been ok with it I don't have a problem with being friends with benefits I've done it in the past."

So what's the issue? It sounds like thou doth protest too much.

[boggboss]

Why is it u think asking ehy he lied will get positive answers do u understand how crazy u will look when u have already accused him if this and then said sorry to bring it up again

[ChildofVenusxox]

He knew he just wanted sex from the start. He should have said that day one when we met. I am always honest with people about my intentions. I tell them that I like going with the flow so that I am not leading the other person on.

[boggboss]

Again that's just your word for it I have read over your other question to me it seems like you are still angry about how things went down and now believe that sex is all he wanted but I'm not convinced

[ChildofVenusxox]

He told me he would never reject me but he obviously lied.

[boggboss]

And u are not always honest u sent him money because u wanted to be cuddle buddies but then asked people what u should say to him so let's not pretend

[boggboss]

If you are childish enough to belive stuff like I will love u forever or bo matter what I will never leave like this statements are based in reality u are not ready to date people say these things because in that moment they may belive them but people change and what they want change

[ChildofVenusxox]

What I'm saying is he shouldn't have acted like he wanted to date me. When really all he wanted was sex do you really not understand what I'm saying? He pretended like he wanted to date me. When he should have just been honest about only wanting a hookup. I never said anything about love it's about communication and being honest with your intentions. There are people on dating apps who say all they want is a hookup or just want no strings attached. And there isn't anything wrong with that it's the liars who pretend to want something more knowing that they don't.

[boggboss]

Again like I stated I don't believe he just used you for sex I belive what he wanted changed I have spoken with u before on this subject and its only now u brought up that he used u not before so again I believe more so that you are bitter about the situation and making it seem worst

[ChildofVenusxox]

Funny how all of a sudden he changed his mind after I gave him oral yeah ok...

[boggboss]

No not really as u guys had done other things before what's so special that oral is what made him quit lol

[ChildofVenusxox]

The fact that he let me leave my sex stuff at his place. Shows that he is a liar because why would he do that knowing that he had no intentions of ever seeing me again?

I'm going to drop off his boxers and leave him a note letting him know how I feel and that he shouldn't have lied.

[boggboss]

Lol that makes no sense you leaving sex stuff don't mean he used u for sex when u could get your stuff back and he said u could get it back again it seems u are acting out because u are upset how the situation ended being upset is fine but don't act as if it was done out of spite

[ChildofVenusxox]

Why would he let me leave my sex stuff there knowing he had no intention of ever seeing me again?

[boggboss]

Because he changed his mind after I'm not sure why that's so hard for u to grasp how is him letting u keep stuff at his then ending your dating mean he wanted u for sex

[ChildofVenusxox]

Again he's a liar he knew he didn't want to see again a long time ago. Because he had said it once before and yet he STILL had sex with me.

[boggboss]

No he said he was not sure if he had the time that is not the same as saying I don't have the time it shows he was unsure but hadn't made up his mind

[ChildofVenusxox]

No, he told me before that he didn't have time for anything. And then I said I wanted to come after he got off from work and he said ok. So he knew before now which again makes him a liar.

[boggboss]

Let's entertain that thats true that mean u also knew he was not looking to date at that point and still decided to go there and have sex u said after he has no time to date that u wanted to have sex which means he never lied to you

[AviatorTom]

You had sex on the first date and then sex every time you were together. Did you not get that sex is what he wanted? He didn't need to tell you that verbally, he told you with his body.

At your age, you should have learned that women like to talk about things and men don't. Your interactions with him prove that.

[ChildofVenusxox]

I didn't have sex on the first date it was the second date. And he could have told me that sex was all he wanted and I would have been ok with that. It wasn't sex everytime we only had sex three times. And we did talk and we also cuddled. Maybe you should actually read before commenting.

[boobliker]

be up front next time and ask them,,, me when I was dating would ask do I get fuck tonight or do you want more but some people get upset with being outspoken about sex I never did but did get slapped a few times on the dancefloor

[exitseven]

I don't think that the majority of girls share your attitude about this

[ChildofVenusxox]

Yeah, you wouldn't know because you don't give the women an option. You just lie and pretend to be into her to get sex. Instead of just being upfront with your intentions.

[exitseven]

Yes, you are right of course. This is like the chicken and the egg.

[FilmGuy93]

Many times we just don't know what the reality of dating a particular woman will be until we see what the vibe is like.

[YakubDavid]

You gave it to him. No use complaining now. Unless it is rape, women are the keyholders to sex.

[ChildofVenusxox]

I didn't mind giving him sex he should have just been honest upfront.

[zagor]

Well, the car salesman doesn't usually start by saying how much he would really like the commission.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because men are strangers in the beginning and that level of honesty is a turn off

[ChildofVenusxox]

No, men are liars at the beginning and the entire time.

[BarryLiverstone]

Well that is a false statement. Some people are liars and some people are not.

[ambayside]

That’s a broad judgement of men and the same could be asked of women.

We are all human and that comes with all kinds of madness.

If you want sex, have it. If you don’t, don’t.

[Anonymous]

Well you're 35 you must know that we guys always chase sex... it's no Brainer.

Don't be so dramatic.

[Anonymous]

It's all part of the game. Don't like it, don't play.

[jamartheg]

You know what they say honesty is the worst policy