Girls, what can an introverted and 'laid back' guy like me do to better attract confident 'Type A', but still empathetic and feminine women?

Question

I've kinda come to the understanding that I have a strong attraction to these sort of 'alpha female' type women (silly term I know but the vocabulary is widely understood, so I'll use it here for reference). But the sort who are emotionally adjusted, self aware, not at all narcissistic, but just have a clear sense of who they are and what they want, and can use their feminine allure to have a natural influence on others.

It's also become ever more clear to me that I don't care too much about being the "big macho leader" who directs everyone and everything around him to do his bidding. I like to do my own thing, and if people wanna join me, they're very welcome to come along for the ride. So I'm quite happy to either take a more 50/50 approach in dating, but equally, if the girl has a very clear and organised idea of what she wants to do, I'd often be happy ceding control to her, and then I take her on one of my little Tom Adventures another time lol. It goes without saying this mentality extends to the bedroom, but I'll keep this post fairly PG for now. 🙄😅

I would consider myself to have the qualities of being thoughtful, sensitive (not a crybaby, I just mean I literally *sense* subtle emotions and subtexts that others may miss); emotionally intelligent, a bit reserved on surface but once my natural sense of humour comes out I can be a total weirdo with the very best of them 😅.. I have some insecurities but I also do inner and outer work to minimise them and to maximise the positive qualities. I have plenty interests outside of dating, somewhat outdoorsy, like to be adventurous but at a pace that suits me, I weigh things up before going all in.

If you; or women you know, fit the bill of the type of woman I described, what could a guy like me do to maximise my chances of 1) actually FINDING you (the when and where, so to speak), 2) make a positive impression, and 3) be seen as a 'viable option' for relationship (I'm not in any rush, dating casually is fine @1st

MissBollinger12 · Accepted Answer

I think this is a really challenging question to answer. I've read a lot of your posts over some time, and mostly as I've actually never come across any men in my life that present the emotional intelligence kindness and moral values that you consistently present with. I'm in the same position as you in terms of having have struggled to find a partner that is kind, and on the same wavelength in terms of moral values and world perspective. The last incident resulted in me wondering if I ever wish to re engage the dating scene as the man was a diagnosed sociopath (similar Machiavellian psyche to HG Tudor, if you ever look him up on YouTube).
My best advice to you is to try MBTI dating sites and apps. There was very few of them, but better as you can adopt a quality vs quantity approach. Remember also that inner work is key, as you tend to attract people at a similar vibration. I've found that hard to process , since my ex was a very sadistic sociopath - but I've committed myself to inner work to ensure I don't ever attract men/ people like him again. Hope this helps and isn't information overload.

anonpabo · Accepted Answer

just be yourself! i feel like i can be put into this category of women and what i really like is that you aren't afraid to be you but also are willing to put forth the same energy the woman is giving you. be able to be closer to an extrovert when you're with her, show her you really care but dont rely completely on her. its all about balancing each other out :)

AmandaYVR · Answer

I don't usually try to answer the 'Where do you meet people?' q, because it seems such a random and hard to pin down concept. There's no point me listing off basic ideas. I'm sure you've heard them all before.

But I did want to comment on the type of woman that would be attracted to you, based on what I know about you.

I think you are a skilful and talented writer. And by every description of yourself, also a very adept communicator. You have humility, and provide honesty, and at times express a very endearing vulnerability, all of which make you a very 'modern man' and an ideal to many, many women.

There is sexuality, confidence, and an active, not passive approach in the bedroom, initiating relationships, and at times being the driving force in progressing a relationship (which proves to the woman 'He wants me', which is vital to her self-esteem. I think that these have not left, and never will leave culture; even in the West. Though there is definitely some softening of this, and distinct gender lines, females pretty much universally want the man to express his interest and desire for her, so that she doesn't have to put herself out there, emotionally, in what she feels is, on her own.

They justify this by proclaiming "All men just want sex" and the subtext is that he must prove his interest in something ore than that, but that's throwing some men into one bucket and disparaging and discouraging them all, which kills potential before it even can start. Anyway, in the beginning, I don't think there's much way around this. But as the relationship gets going, or even as soon as in the first conversation irl, one-on-one, I imagine your soft skills will really shine. You might have to be more demonstrative than you are comfortable with, but you could always try falling back on the 'be a good listener' technique. If you ask good questions (such as not too invase, yet also open-ended, so that one-word replies are not possible), you might be seen as a good listener, an active listener (you basically just repeat a version of what they said back to them, ; although I find this rather redundant, personally), and it clearly shows you are making a concerted effort to get to know them. (Personally, I think that is always most helped by either caffeine or alcohol, to lubricate the tongue a bit, lol.)

Many women today want partners; ones who seem to respect them for their femaleness, and not just what that offers in their sexuality, 'sexual-ness.' And, of course, they want to be seen as an equal, for things that many humans have, regardless of gender.

I think your way in may be with your words. And add to that, a confident expression, which doesn't look away, and gives her sort of an unspoken yet knowing, "I see you. And I want to see, and know more." She might not play the more active role, still, but most women can turn to putty, for the right man, giving just this look.

You are looking for a more confident, active, and gregarious girl, yourself, and they are certainly out there. Maybe these two things will lure her over to you, so that she can come and play. (Try beefing up your wardrobe, mess up the hair, and wear the subtlest hint of a good cologne. Wear layers, so she can not only visually be entertained, but she will start imagining unwrapping you. It is near Christmas, after all)

At that point, any hint at all, of word banter... and you're in. You must only rise up to meet her. Then she'll soon be in your pocket, so to speak. (Or maybe like an energetic, scuttling forest creature, who wants nothing more than to climb all over you and store her nuts in your pockets and little secret hideaways, lol. And I suspect you would want to show them to her.)

Girls, what can an introverted and 'laid back' guy like me do to better attract confident 'Type A', but still empathetic and feminine women?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls Said

Girls, what can an introverted and 'laid back' guy like me do to better attract confident 'Type A', but still empathetic and feminine women?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.