Is it best to avoid my guy friend who chose another girl over me for a while?

[Anonymous]

[Cynicaldreamer]

Okay, I hope you don't mind, but I read some of your replies to others comments before typing up a response-

Yes, avoid him. It sounds like he likes you, but since you unintentionally rejected him, he's trying to move on by dating someone else. By giving him space, he can move on, and you won't be getting any mixed messages or further confusion.

If he asks why you're avoiding him, tell him, "I'm respecting your relationship by giving you space. We're still friends, I just don't want to get in the way."

Which, if he does like you, will probably just irk him, lol. But here's my issue: when he first took you out on a date months ago, he should have told you he liked you and was interested in you!!! Sorry to say, but it's partially his fault too. Just because he liked you, unless he came out and told you, "Hey, I'm taking you on a date..." you're not a mindreader. Not everyone can tell when someone likes them (I know I can't) unless they come out and tell you.

So while I get the confusion and him still having feelings for you, it's not fair for him to confuse you or send you mixed messages. I say back off and when he figures out what he wants, you two can talk again like adults.

[Anonymous]

When you say he chose her over you, what does that mean? Like is he just giving her more attention? Since you said you are friends, I’m doubting it’s something romantic like he chose a relationship with her over getting with you, but I don’t want to make assumptions.

[Asker]

We went on one date months ago and I didn’t realise it was a date at the time so he doesn’t consider it as one. He says I rejected him. Now since we have been spending more time together with our friends he started dating another girl in the past month but he teases me/flirts with me, watches me when I speak to other men, stares at me when I’m not looking, and the other night he took my hand and stroked/caressed it in spite of the fact she was there (I’m not sure she saw anything) but he is giving me these signals and says he likes her. It’s a bit complicated.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh okay, so your relationship isn’t exactly platonic, that makes more sense. In that case yes, I would keep my distance. I thought he was just being one of those people that drops their opposite sex friend to accommodate a new relationship, but if you two had something and it didn’t work then avoiding would be best.

[User3191989]

He was never your friend. And doesn't want to be, anymore

[Asker]

Could you elaborate?

[User3191989]

I shouldn't need to. Just think about it. I do not need a reply

[FilmGuy93]

If you're worried about getting jealous, then yes.

[Changiis07]

Maybe he is getting to know her a more than a friend but if you feel like he is not making an effort as a friend than maybe would be best

[Asker]

They’ve been dating a month.

[Changiis07]

Oh then yes I would avoid him but that's just me. All his atention would be on his girl

[Asker]

He still contacts me, he teases me, he stares at me when I’m not looking and watched me talk to other men. The other night when we were drinking with our friends, he took my hand and stroked it and his girl was there but she didn’t see.

[Changiis07]

Oh wow! Yeah I would not bother with those types of guys. Imagine he first of all chose her over you and now that he has her, wants you too and doing thing behind his girls back nahh!! If he ever breaks up with her to get with you, he would do things behind your back plus he made you the second option. Not worth it!

[tonamimargaux]

Yk the same thing happened to me few months ago but we are still friends. I had the guts to go tell him in person if you like him just go tell him than regretting later.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Why did he do that?

[Asker]

She’s probably better than: better job, thinner, younger, more independent I assume. She is intelligent too as am I and pretty too but it’s not enough maybe for him. He also thinks I rejected him 6 months ago but it is a miscommunication.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Now, what's so good about this guy?

[Asker]

He’s charming, intelligent, so much fun to spend time with, accomplished/talented, independent, we both have an interest in philosophy and literature and art and music.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Was what he took as rejection just nervousness on your part?

[Asker]

I just don’t make assumptions. I don’t think I am like the most amazing woman in the world and every guy is after me. I prefer to be modest/humble even if guys do find me attractive. I thought he just wanted to meet up.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Would you share him if asked?

[Asker]

Hmm maybe but I would rather he was all mine.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Maybe my ass. That's a yes.

[Asker]

So? What am I supposed to do?

[cloud9vortex1234]

Are you willing to be honest about your desires even if it means he might reject you?

[Asker]

No not really. He wouldn’t be into that.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Then that's your answer.