Trust Issues, Online Dating, First steps to take?

[Anonymous]

So, a month a go I met a guy on this online dating app, we didn't meet in person yet, because we want to take it slow since both of us have major trust issues, we both have been hurt in the past, so we're both sort if in a healing process... But we both found that little trust to tell each other our stories, and we're motivating each other to get better, and he does think we're compatible (he said it straight out).
He already mentioned that we will be meeting, so he technically asked me out. We're just waiting for the best moment since we both work nonstop... We have A LOT OF THINGS in common, he sends me songs every single day, we're both into the same genre and we did talk a lot during the last month... Sometimes, I'm a little insecure, because he sort of takes distances from me from time to time, so I'm always convinced that he actually does not like me anymore, or that he found better, I OVERTHINK A LOT, and I don't feel like telling him this because i might loose him for good,... I'M STUPID BECAUSE I MISS HIM, I'd literally text him THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME, i can't get enough of him and I also want to show him that i'm there, I am present, I am interested... but I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how to deal with this stupid insecurity of mine... if he doesn't text me for a whole day, he will the next day though, and that only means he was thinking about me... but at the same time I'm scared to seem too obsessed and try to match the vibe of distancing as well... BUT I AM SCARED THAT HE THINKS THAT I DON'T WANT HIM ANYMORE... i'm just... tired of overthinking, overanalyzing, I don't know how to deal with this. He is an amazing guy, and I don't wanna loose him and contact with him... should I be patient? How do I control this !! HELP

[DaveJord]

Words, words, words... first you met online a month ago, and have never met in person... RED FLAG!!!

You both have major trust issues... RED FLAG!!! Dating is all about trust, so you both are literally saying you can't trust him, and he can't trust you... news alert your both not ready to be dating!!!

He straight told you that your complicated, and have made no progress in meeting in person... RED FLAG, big red star bursts and alarm bells should be going off in your head.

So either you indulge your self with guy and fuck the shit out of me and then deal with flaming train wreck that will result, because obviously you gave some compulsive behaviors, tied with high levels of insecurities... this all means that you aren't ready to be dating or be in a real meaningful relationship.

But if you really want to he with guy, the go for it. Just know other then having some amazing sex, it probably won't work out. But that doesn't me you can't have some fun.

[Asker]

Damn calm down and read again he didn't say I was complicated he said we are compatible and we're working on this together...
Wth is even your problem

[DaveJord]

Complicated isn't good that's all and I pointed out all the reasons why.

Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen... and when the dust settles you'll ask yourself why this always happens to you... then maybe you'll remember this crazy guy that broke it down to you on girlsaskguy and how you blown him off.

Obviously you're having all these feelings and doubt and thats generating anxiety for you... so think about that and trust your instincts. The beauty of being an agnoimious stranger is that I get to be brutally honest in the ways your friends can't or wouldn't be. But you need to hear it anyway. Do what you want with it.

[Asker]

We had a first date few days ago, everything went smoothly, we are now seeing each other and discovering more about each other...
We are already planing our second date, I think you just RAN TOO FAST and did not even try to understand what my worries where... Honestly, none of my friends sugar coat things for me, but since I was here I thought lets ask some people... I think it's still weird how BRUTALLY DRY you responded to everything.
Thanks... our date was wonderful by the way
Have a great day

[DaveJord]

Just keep it in preservative and don't get into your own head about it.

[EvoEyeris]

From what it sounds like you are in no way ready for a relationship. Of course he’s backing off, most guys would if there’s no signs of the relationship going anywhere. If you have trust issues/ issues in general go to therapy and get your mind straight, get your confidence up before getting into a relationship. Even if you get into a relationship with him, its doomed from the start. If you’re both insecure and can’t trust people why even try to be in a relationship. Back off, maybe stay friends and work on yourself. Because if you genuinely like him, you would try to become emotionally ready for him.

[Asker]

I never have him a sign that I'm not ready for a relationship, he knows what I've been through I know what he's been through and we will meet soon and talk about it in person... I have trust issues and it's a normal thing not a sickness, but hey we're all different

[EvoEyeris]

I never said it was a sickness. Im saying that you should better your mental so you can overcome your trust issues and become someone who is mentally ready for a relationship. Therapy is in no way only for mental ill people. It’s so you can have unbiased person that will listen and give you advice so you can figure out ways to gain confidence and overcome your insecurities. But hey we’re all different.

[WhitneySnow]

Be patient. Just take it slow. You’re doing the right thing.

[Guy13]

Back off and let things happen on their on. Stay watchful.

[Nominal]

Meet him!

[Asker]

We will soon

[Nominal]

I want love too XD i want soft sex, in bed, and sleep together XD