On the 1st date he didn't pay for my coffee. Does it show that he is a stingy person?

Question

Is he such a stingy person or just that he doesn't care who pays?

Friendlybro79 · Accepted Answer

I am always so I intrigued by this situation and how much judgement is placed onto a person in these first interactions lol. I think people focus on the wrong things. You got on one end some women who use this to decide if the man is worthy of being in their presence and the alpha tough guy who can beat up anyone anywhere anytime because he's a real man that is leaking testosterone out of his ass because he can't contain all if it. The real man always... You know the rest.

Both of these types need to find each other and live happily ever coffee. Lol...

Here's how I see first dates or first coffee date or whatever. If I ask you to get coffee with me I'm probably going to offer to pay because I invited you but I'm not going to argue with someone if they say no I'll pay for myself and argue in front of the barista lol. It's just a few bucks and not every woman or guy likes other people paying for them.

This is why some guys that would even like to pay are confused. Not all women are the same. Look at the responses here. It's also why you alpha males forcing your tough guy wallet flex attempting to be a real man is funny to me. Paying on the first date is a tradition. I don't mind it because usually I'm the one asking them out first anyway so that's why I'd pay. Not necessarily because I'm a man and I have to but because I want to be polite.

However only one time I had a woman that made it clear to me on a first date, prior, to please let her split it because she didn't like anyone paying for her. She wasn't rude she was actually very direct in a nice way. I let her know that I didn't mind paying because I asked her out and she said something like I can tell you're genuinely nice and I like you because of that. I'm glad you asked me out and I'd like to pay for you and you pay for me.

Ok so alpha male. Do I just pay for her anyway and show her what a real man does in those situations and force her feelings into a garbage can and tell her who cares what you think. I'm a real man and real men do what they think is right regardless of what you say! Do you tell her I reject you and would like to cancel our date lol?

Needless to say, I'm not stingy and we split that first meal because it was important to her and she seemed awfully nice. We dated for quite some time and had a nice relationship.

Entitled women to a free first meal. I understand some of this is laced in tradition but it's a turn off knowing that stingy is one of the first things you're worried about.

Alpha males, please relax a little, and if my answers have you thinking my estrogen levels are too high , I can tell you they're not. Had a recent blood test and testosterone levels are great for my age, at levels of a person under 30, and I'm all good. Lol.

All over a freaking cup of coffee lol

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I mean... yes. It's hard to come to any other conclusion other than he's stingy. I have no problem with the idea of couples splitting costs 50/50. But typically not on a first date, and certainly not a cup of coffee! The fact that it's a coffee illustrates: that for him, it's not about money, so much as principle. So I mean he's a stingy guy in the way he THINKS. I don't know if it's an extreme adherence to gender equality, or the idea that I take care of me, and you take care of yourself. (which... isn't ideal to partner with).

I don't think it's the biggest deal in the world. Like if the rest of the date went great and you like this guy... don't let this one thing keep you from seeing him again. But I am unable to find anything but a 'negative' explanation for him not treating you to coffee... on a first date. The fact that he wasn't embarrassed, suggests his mind works differently on this than most guys.

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

Coffee is an inexpensive and personal way to meet and chat with someone. I've bought coffee for friends and colleagues as well as them buying for me (we usually have an "I got it, let me," argument. I've even had a stranger in line in front of me pay for my coffee (twice). He really could have gotten off so easy here and not left you guessing what that was all about.

It certainly could show that he's stingy or that he isn't interested in a second date or it's some kind of statement or test. In any case, do you want more dates with a guy that has your head doing cartwheels?

Kori1236 · Accepted Answer

I don’t really see how that’s a problem. Coffee isn’t expensive unless you order something ridiculously complicated. I wouldn’t call it stingy probably just unsure given the current dating climate where cost of meals are split between both parties.

For me personally when in the early stages of dating I pay for myself. And if a relationship forms between us then the financial aspect of dates will change or stay as we had it.

coachTanthony · Answer

Love seeing all the beta males crying about money in the comments below. A real man pays period. All these boys who are brought up with so much estrogen in their body have no idea what it's like to lead in a relationship and in life.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I think even a jobless person could afford coffee, he is sending the message, he wants to be loved for who he is and not what he can buy you so he won’t even buy you coffee.

kylee2437 · Answer

In my opinion if a man doesn’t flinch to pay the bill, it shows what kind of man he is. Stingy is the best world to put it

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

It’s coffee, you could have bought his as well. That you didn’t, does that make you stingy?

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Maybe he is afraid that a modern woman will be insulted by a guy payiing for her coffee.

Avicenna · Answer

It’s a first meetup and coffee doesn’t cost much

SnowedIn · Answer

There's the possibility of another answer. Too often we read that when a guy pays, the girl thinks that he expects sex or a blowjob. He may be trying to avoid that scenario.

He may also be a bit clueless? Or, this is what he's been used to... too many dates where bills were split.

I guess if you like him and are willing to go on a second date with him, I'd look past this. I don't think it means he's stingy. And, if you like him, it'd be worth the conversation about it with him. You might learn a lot about each other.

But, no, my first thought is not stingy.

TroyDT2 · Answer

Not enough info:

Maybe it was a foodie test. "What's that?" That is where a guy checks to see if she offers to pay for her own order. If she doesn't, then he might assume she's being a Talia Menninger, looking for a free ride. If she does offer, he might assume she isn't and will then not have an issue paying for it.

Maybe she comes off as a woman who wants the best of both worlds - equality when it benefits her, traditionalism when that benefits her.

Maybe he considers that she is an employed adult and should be able to pay her own way.

The easiest thing to do is to assume you are paying for yourself unless you have discussed it beforehand.

Anonymous · Answer

First off coachTabtony is full of shit. This has nothing to do w being a beta male. It has to do w men smartening up these days to being used a lot financially. Cup of coffee isn’t a big deal but maybe he’s testing you. I know I used to be that way when I was younger, paying for everything. For what? Nothing!!! A thank you bye see you later. Nowadays I tell boys to protect their finances. Maybe he wasn’t into you that much that’s why he didn’t pay for your coffee. Maybe he has more options. I mean it’s 2022, women say they can do anything a man can do why we still demanding that men pay for things? Oh right because women only want it when it benefits them but want equality when it doesn’t benefit them.

MCheetah · Answer

You are a grown ass, 35 year old adult. Unless you want to date a pedophile who likes dating little girls not old enough to hold a job, you need to pay for your own coffee, and grow the hell up. This shows he's a smart man and dodged a bullet by not going out on a second date with you once he realized you'd start whining over coffee. Posts like this are why so many modern women are trash.

integrale77 · Answer

Er just because your on a date doesn't mean the guy has to pay for everything. If you think he does that's a rather backwards attitude.
The best way to react is offer to pay before it becomes an issue then maybe he'll turn round and say "no this is on me"

I personally would most likely pay but that offer to split the bill goes a long way to saying "I'm not just here for your money".

ShellyB · Answer

This is an area where people have different opinions and I don't blame guys for being confused, but, to me I would take it as maybe a minor sign that either he isn't confident in himself or he doesn't like me that much, I would not refuse to see him again over it but it would be a negative in my mind. Just being honest again I know people have different opinions!

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Did you pay for his coffee? If not, would that mean that you’re stingy?
Also, was it really a date? Some people don’t consider talking over coffee a date at all. So even if he’s a strict traditionalist, maybe he didn’t feel compelled to buy your coffee because it wasn’t really a date. In the end, HE is the only person who can answer your questions. The rest of us are just going to speculate.

HighValue · Answer

It shows that he refuses to be used financially by women that want a free handout.

Since it bothers you, does that show that you mostly care about financial benefits/gain instead of caring about the actual person?

Even if a guy makes over $50k per year, if he is smart he still won't pay for a woman's drink or meal until they are together for a while and she pays for him first. there are far too many women that are users.

genericname85 · Answer

it probably shows that he wants an equal partner and not a woman that will stay in the kitchen and rise his children as her "career". so yeah. if that's not for you, move on. if you like to be seen as an equal partner, then what the heck are you complaining about? xD

XXblack88 · Answer

Sounds like a lack of communication. He didn't tell you had to pay for your own coffee before the date and you didn't asked him either. A lot of people nowadays want to split the bill 50-50 when dating. If you want him to pay for your coffee etc. You need to date someone who's more old school if you know what I mean.

Anonymous · Answer

Stingy and might also means he is not interested
Usually in traditional datings a guy paying for the 1st date is a sign that he wants to go on a second date etc (and for mf out here who say you pay yourself) if you move to 2nd date then yeah ofc you pay yourself or split. Your a lady so you know this rules/
But sadly nowadays dating is like drinking a Diet Coke is done every 4 hours with everyone so the logic behind good manners how to treat a lady is like dead
Sorry.
Find someone as you want in the future you will have kids etc you don’t want a stingy partner close to you.

Paul09 · Answer

Both of you are on a date to get to know each other. Both of you are grown ass adults, that have a jobs. So a guy suppose to pay 100 1st dates? You dont even know if you click yet. And you might be showing him that you are stingy. Your money is your money, his money is your money? Wtf? It's 2022, stop thinking it's the 50s. Time to evolve, show you are a independent woman.

Aggon1998 · Answer

In my opinion it's customary for a man to pay the lady's bill. If he doesn't, it can mean that he deliberately opposes that idea, but it can also mean that he just doesn't mind and found it fair this way, which makes sense as well.

GreenLanternI0I · Answer

No, not at all. In 2022 and beyond it means he simply took you out for a date interview and payed for his own meal, while you paid for yours. Good old days where guy pays for everything are Gone!

On the 1st date he didn't pay for my coffee. Does it show that he is a stingy person?

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