What do you think lying about age when dating? Deal breaker or red flag?

[black]

The girl I've been dating for 2 months told me that she lied about her age since she is 18. What do you think lying about age? Is it a deal breaker or red flag?

[Screenwriter]

Some are fearful you'll think they're too young. others fearful you'll think they're too old. Who knows where these attitudes come from? Home? Society? Peers?

Only worry anyone should have is if a person is a minor in whatever state they're living in. THEN you have a problem. Or if a person is SO old, they're had all their body parts replaced! Whoa! The anti-rejection drugs!

But, truthfully, there are no red flags about lying about age. It's usually because the person thinks you'll judge them inappropriate to date. And she did finally tell you.

I'm sure many will say, "well if they lie about this, what else are they lying about." We're talking age prejudice. Not about their job, parents, finances, home, whether they have children or not, were in prison, are terminally ill, have a mental illness. And for many of THOSE issues, you can certainly say they aren't things a person will share casually and would be revealed later in a relationship. Just as your girlfriend revealed her age to you a little later on...

[Caramalkisses23]

A lie is a lie in my book regardless of how small it is. I think to make the lie justified, I would like to know why exactly did she lie? What was her specific reason? If she’s younger and lied about being older- obviously that’s a problem because it could have ruined someone’s life if she’s under age. if she’s older and lied about being younger, I would be concerned as well because how old are you?
Sometimes knowing exactly why a person lied can give you more insight on their decision to lie.
However a lie is a lie. And if she’ll lie for something small then she will definitely will lie for something big.

[JamesDiaz11]

I don't personally think it's that big a deal, but it should be addressed eventually if you're going to be serious. Ask the person why they lied- it may not be nefarious.

I've lied about my age plenty in dating- it's actually a pretty common thing. Guys will put their age lower to be within the target of younger women, and younger women will adjust their age upward to get into the range of their target men.

I don't mean to be cliche, but age is just a number. If you're physically attracted to someone, why tf does it matter if they're 18 rather than 21? Or that they're 25 as opposed to 29? You can't lie excessively- for example, a 35 year old couldn't pass as 15, but if you're an adult, take care of yourself, and are attractive then what difference does this make?

People take age as a substitute to knowing someone's life experience. They assume an 18 year old is like virgin snow, 26 is experienced, and 35 must be established- but this doesn't always fit.

[all_hayl]

How do you define “excessively”? Others might disagree with your definition. For example, people like me say that anything more than zero is excessive. Otherwise, you start to justify your lies (as you, by your own admission, already do). You, sir, are officially a liar , regardless of how you attempt to sugar coat it.

[JamesDiaz11]

@all_hayl I'd say anything more than 3-4 years is excessive, but this doesn't apply when the age drops below 18. There are many women who claim to be 29 for several years...

[ManOnFire]

I've never lied about my age, even if the truth might hurt my chances. Like, I look much younger than I really am, a lot of people are shocked when I tell them how I old I am. Younger women get disappointed when they find out I'm older than I look, and I have to prove to the older women - the ones I like - that I'm not very young lol. But I'll never lie about my age.

[pupluv45]

36 is not that old. Its only "old" if you're trying to go for a 19 yr old

[ManOnFire]

@pupluv45 It’s not, but most people still think I'm in my 20s, and it's the young girls in that age range who will be into me until I tell them my age.

[pupluv45]

I remember when I was 20, I thought 36 was dirt old. Now that I'm 27, its really not that old.

[ManOnFire]

@pupluv45 Funny thing is now that I've gotten back into working out I feel younger. Even my sex drive is better too.

[pupluv45]

I personally remember a 36 yr old who i rejected for being too old when i was 20. He said "you think im as old as dirt". I thought it was hella funny back then. I still think its just as funny today.

But honestly, not too many old guys were interested in me back then cuz many of them saw me as just a kid living with her parents dealing with kid issues

[AviatorTom]

It depends how big the lie is. Most of us want to be younger, so telling your date you're a bit younger than you actually are shouldn't be a problem. If there's a huge difference between what you say and what you are, that can be a problem.

[all_hayl]

“Little white lies” are still lies.

[all_hayl]

I don't know if you’re married, but if you are, I wonder if you’d feel the same way if you found out that YOUR wife had been telling you “little lies” throughout your marriage…..

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No matter WHY someone lies, a lie is a lie and a dealbreaker. I want a partner I can trust not one that would start off with lies from the get go…Lying is bad enough, even worse when people try to justify lying🤷‍♀️

[Bklynbadboy12]

Okay you go girl! 🤣

[OlderAndWiser]

If you now tell her that it is okay to lie to you, what do you think happens later?

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't lie about my age when dating but I might hide my age when I'm around friends or church contacts. I don't lie, I just refuse to answer questions about my age. But if a guy dates me, I think he has a right to know my age.

[coachTanthony]

Nothing like starting off a new relationship with a lie so yeah dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

I confess I have subtracted 4 years from my age on a few dating apps in the past. Judge me all you want for doing that but I was always honest when I met up with women in person. None of them turned me down at that point either I never catfished with my profile pics either. They were always current and honest.

The thing is women are so quick to judge and reject but once a man his foot in the door and she gets to know him she often might be more likely to give him a chance. But again women are much more fickle in the early stages.

Anyway I am not saying what I did above is right or okay. But from my experiences women are more likely to forgive a man who gave her a “feel good” yet embellished image in the early stages vs accept a man who gave her the not so feel good hard truth off the bat.

Again women make decisions on emotions.

[phild2]

The date is to learn more of the person you are connecting with. this is the opportunity to really look at who you are planning to be with for a long-term. if there are lies from the very beginning, then the relationship is starting out with a poor foundation. On any date, even if it’s the first day. You want to be as truthful and honest to who you are. This also includes financially. You should like the person for who they are and not for what they have or for what they think you have or what they want you to believe on who they are. You should never set up false expectations. It will create a poor foundation and the relationship will end up in failure.

[MCheetah]

I don't care as long as she's of legal age (claiming she's 24 when she's really 17) or not too old (claiming she's 34, when she's really 41.)

As for your case, the implications here kind of creep me out. Are you implying you were going after minors, or that you thought you were with a 20-23 year old who's actually 18? I really hope for your sake, it's the latter.

[Beop111]

I'd love to say that it's a deal breaker and all lies are lies. However, the simple truth is everybody lies in some ways. If this is he only lie that you've found then really it's not that big of a deal. However, if you keep finding out she's lied about other things as well, then I'd probably move on to someone else.

[AdithyaR]

It'd be dealbreaker for me, not because of what their actual age is. But because I'd consider it a very petty thing to lie about and makes me doubt what else they could be lying about me.

Unless of course they were lying and the person was underage, then that's a major problem.

[bamesjond0069]

If she's 18 she's just young and dumb and probably really likes you. So nbd. If she was really 35 then I'd tell you to kick her to the curb immediately.

It's like if I sold you say a mustang and you found out it actually had a Ferrari engine swap and i didn't want to advertise it because i wanted to make sure you would appreciate the vehicle you would be like sweet. If it had a lawnmower engine swap I am just a scammer.

[Paulalove98]

Nobody should lie about that kind of stuff because age matters when it comes to relationships due to laws and various states/countries having different laws just so nobody gets in trouble but honestly I wouldn't be happy if someone lied to me because if their lying about that, what else are they hiding? My boyfriend is 20 and I'm 24 and honestly he looks 18 but I'm glad he's truthful about his age.

[FlutteringFeelings]

If someone can lie about something that’s so simple like an age? I can only imagine the biggest thing they’re willing to lie about. A guy did that to me before and he’s cut off

[DollAlone]

Definitely not a deal breaker or red flag. Some women (and men) just do it to be older or younger. Its normal. But if she is like lying abiut her age and is saying she is 10 years younger when she really is 10 years older than you, thats a red flag for her being dumb enough to think she would get away with it

[CubsterShura]

I am not too sure as I haven't dealt with a situation like that. I want to say dealbreaker but I feel like if their actual age isn't too far off I wouldn't be that offended.

[Literalbillionaire17]

It’s weird tbh. I find it weird specifically bc I like older men. Older men (not all but some) have a problem with lying about age. They’re 43 but they tell u they’re 39. To me the age doesn’t matter but I don’t like that lying

[MissMidWest]

Shoes inmaturity for sure and a rad flag that she thinks it ok do that in first place. I would be on high alert in I was in your shoes. If she was 16 you could be in trouble with law and not even know why.

[melanieeeB]

Red flag for me, if this person already has to lie about something so stupid, who knows what else they're lying about

[Little_Bumblebee]

That's a deal-breaker.
They show I cannot trust them. What else would they be lying about.
And it's manipulative as well.

[dustybiker]

Does plant a seed of doubt. That’s what cheating does. If done once it’s more likely to happen again.