I’ve been dating this guy just over a month. I really started to like him. We get along well and we even spent a weekend away together where we had a great time and he told me all of his friends loved me. I asked him if he was dating anyone else and he said no and I said the same. This past weekend I messed things up. I invited him to my cousins birthday party band he came but he was standoffish there. He didn’t want to go to the after party and just wanted to drop me off. I was drunk and cussed him out and told him I didn’t like how he treated me. Somehow I still ended up staying the night at his house. Next morning he was very cold with me and when I asked for breakfast he said he didn’t have anything to make breakfast. I ubered home when he got in the shower. We did not speak for 2 days. I reached out to him this morning and he told me that my behavior made him upset and that he now wants to take things slow. I apologized to him and said I just didn’t like that he’s a different way over text message and over the phone than he is in person. He said he wanted to fall back.
Should I just cut my losses?
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It depends on how much you like this guy. You would be totally justified in cutting your losses. If this guy doesn't seem just freaking fantastic... then, honestly, you ARE better to cut your losses.
The other option, is: You guys are going to have to work through the disagreement you had. You'll both have to be equally willing to have an 'open and honest talk' about what exactly has upset each of you. You have to go through the WHOLE process of "a full-on couple, working through an actual fight".
This isn't just stupid-shit that someone is going to just get over. You now have this giant 'unresolved issue' between you. Nothing is ever going to get fixed without actually talking through the whole thing, telling each other exactly how you feel about the other one, and how the situation appears to you, and you both have to let down your guard and be vulnerable, and blah blah blah... you know the kind of talking-through-shit I mean.
Most importantly, you BOTH have to be willing to go through all of that work. Otherwise it's impossible.
So, honestly, if there isn't anything particularly special about this specific guy... and you won't feel like you're losing the guy who might be 'perfect for you'... then you really are better to just cut your losses. Either way, good luck!
Wonderful advice. I’ve ignored several of his red flags (he’s told me he’s cheated in a relationship before, his phone is always turned face down, and he’s only affectionate in private), so no he’s not perfect. In the same sentence as “we should take things slow” he added “while you work on yourself.” Very offensive considering I look past a lot. I will be cutting my losses. Thank you!
Good idea. Yes, definitely cut your losses. You're welcome!
It’s hard to say… sounds like that disagreement turned him off. Was he showing any mixed emotions before hand?
I tell him he’s hard to read. He said he felt awkward going to my cousin’s event because we’re “early” in the dating stages. He came but 2 hours late.
Honestly it sounds like he’s not sure about you. To prevent pain I’d just let it go.
Agreed. Thanks.
You’re welcome hun!
Reverse psychology maybe.