I gave my boyfriend a hickey and his mom saw it and I want to know how to apologize to her?

[Anonymous]

Both of us are 15 I'm 3 months older

[SteveSmith1985]

You sound like you're a very sweet girl. Also, you're brave.

Those are both excellent qualities.

My first thought would be... are you really sure the apology is necessary?

In other words, IS IT really the best course of action. And perhaps it is. With SOME mothers it would be. But only... a certain type of mother would really even WANT an apology.

I'm thinking of a no-nonsense mom, who is nice but strict, she definitely wears the pants in her marriage, she appreciates straightforwardness. She is the "I smell bullshit from a mile away" type of mother. THAT mother might maybe appreciate your apology. She would basically appreciated it because she would respect the guts it took to face her and apologize.

If she is almost any other type of mother... your apology may not be necessary at all. In some cases, it'll just be an unecessary awkward conversation... with everyone wishing it had never been brought up.

Keep in mind, that his mother was 15 once too. And although she may not 'approve'. She... isn't going to think you're a terrible person because you sucked on her baby-boy's neck, like some sort of horny-vampire-demon. She, was 15 at one point. She likely won't think this is as grievous offence as you think she will.

If anything... it's... a little awkward. For everybody.

She doesn't really want to THINK about her son being sexual... like the details of it... although I'm sure she wants her son to date, and kiss girls and do all that normal stuff.

So, now you've gone and thown that hicky up there for everyone to see... so that she can't not think about you sucking on her son's neck. That's awkward and emberssing for everyone. Now, in many cases... you're best to not bring it up (even to apologize) because honestly, the whole thing makes his mom just as uncomfortable as it makes you. You may already be forgiven. The apology might not be necessary.

It very much depends on the mom, and the relationship between the two of you (you and his mom). She will respect an apology. Anyone would (I"d hope). That takes serious guts. I think its SO good that you've got guts.

This just isn't AUTOMATICALLY a situation where an apology is the best way to go. It might very-well be the best way to go still. I just wanted to throw this out there for your consideration. 🙂

[Asker]

Thank you

[SteveSmith1985]

No problem. But... you can't leave me hanging... what are you planning to do? (if you're not sure fair enough, but I'd love to know what yo decide when you do. Just nosey. no pressure.)

[Asker]

Well one since I'm still young I'm going slow it down two I'm gonna take responsibility

[SteveSmith1985]

Well good for you! Honestly, you sound like an exceptionally mature 15-year-old. Seriously, good for you. It's really nice to see someone your age with their head-on so straight.

In that case, my advice for the apology is fairly simple. And you seem like you might be just the right type to be naturally good at this.

For the central 'theme' of the apology, I would suggest "respect" (or lack of it). What I mean is, I suggest you mention the lack of respect your actions showed for you, or him, or his mother, or whoever it is you feel your actions were disrespectful to.

I would imagine, that if his mom is upset, it's related to a feeling that either her, or her son haven't been shown the proper respect. I think that's likely the basis of her being angry, and as such, it's a theme to keep in mind when planning your apology.

Also, if possible YOU initiate the apology meeting. Like YOU try and find out when would be a convenient time to meet with his mother. Take the initiative on 'making it happen'. It shows you WANT to do this, as opposed to being forced to. It's also much easier walking into a difficult talk, if you're the one who set the terms. It shows you're serious. And it also shows your confidence (which just helps with her general view of you, before your apology even begins)

[SteveSmith1985]

Other than that... I feel like you already know everything else. Be honest and sincere, meet with her in person and look her in the eye, don't say anything you don't actually mean; don't leave it open-ended.

So: "I'm really sorry." NO GOOD

but

"I'm really sorry, I hope that this is something that you're able to forgive in time. = BETTER

"I'm really sorry, I hope that this is something that you're able to forgive in time. I really care a lot about your son, but we're planning to slow things down... =Best.

Pre-empt her by saying things before she can suggest them. Show you've already thought of those things yourself.

But mostly, just "be open and honest". That's what it comes down to. I also feel, like that's what you're naturally inclined to do anyway. I hope it goes well for you (I predict it will. I think she'll appreciate how you're looking at this and how you're choosing to handle it. I'm impressed anyway). Good luck!

[Reece12345]

I think it's important to keep things in perspective, here. It's not like you were having sex, was it? Kissing is perfectly acceptable behavior for when you are 15, just so long as you set boundaries.

I think it is extremely naive for a parent to think that kissing / hickeys are not acceptable at this age. This happens all the time and if you think it doesn't you should wake up.

We're just talking about kissing / hickeys, right? Just to be sure we're on the same page. I'm not sure how this could be viewed as disrespectful. This seems like an ordinary teenager relationship to me.

Maybe you say that you are very sorry and that you meant no disrespect. That you think her son is a wonderful person and you know that she worries about him and that understand why she is so concerned, and that you are glad that she told you how she feels, and that you will do your best to respect wishes on this. And ask her opinion on what she feels are good boundaries.

I think she might appreciate it if you ask her opinion. It is a sign that shows you respect her views.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Reece12345]

Very welcome. I hope everything works out.

[Reece12345]

thanks for the MHO. I hope everything works out.

[Biancam13]

I can understand why she was mad, you're both 15. Sorry if I come across as patronising in any way. How did his mum see the hickey? It's perfectly understandable to mess around a bit, I mean he is your boyfriend. Just be careful.

[Asker]

He didn't tell me how see saw it but he said she was beyond mad and then she messaged me on his account

[Asker]

And you didn't come off that way

[Biancam13]

I get that. What I would do is, if you want to do stuff like that with him in the future, possibly do it on the neck where clothes hide it better. Just please be careful and don't go too far. You're both very young. I mean it's up to you, but that's what advice I'd give my 15-year-old self.

[Asker]

It was hidden it was on his shoulder and We are only experimenting right now

[TheSpaceGnome]

You don't need to apologize, and doing so will make it seem like you regret it, which makes it seem like you aren't sure about your feelings for him, and that will just make his mom more upset. Because then, in her eyes, "some slutty girl did it", not "a girl who loves her son".

[DryGermanGuy]

Apologize for what? Did he turn into a vampire?

No boyfriend/girlfriend ever have to apologize for each other.

[Summeroflove]

Just say you’re sorry

[zagor]

Tell next time you'll make sure it's where no one will see it.

[Brando10222]

Did her mom say anything to you about it?

[Brando10222]

His*

[Asker]

Yeah she was really mad

[Brando10222]

Just say sorry. You don't have to do anything else

[Asker]

I don't it twice and this time she said we disrespected her

[Brando10222]

Then give each other hickies where no one else can see

[Asker]

I was hidden it was on his shoulder

[Anonymous]

Just say sorry and tell her you won't repeat it.