What the hell? Am I blind or just a fool?

[MakFTM1999]

For the last three years I have been dealing with many aspects of my life, the biggest my transition, but also from forgiving myself for the damages caused from having a narcissistic boyfriend all through highschool. I met someone about 4 months ago. She and I seemed to hit it off almost like soulmates. We literally have that much in common… but she is emotionally guarded. As am I. So I’ve taken my time and let my guard down entirely, been vulnerable and emotional with her in hopes to build trust. She has opened up little by little and told me that she would always have my back and that she feels blessed to have me in her life, even talked about a future together at times. It’s one day she’s extremely hot and talkative and the next week she’s frigid af. And I understand being hot and cold, we all go through it, but damn if this didn’t start feeling like the same emotional roller coaster I rode for 4 years. So, she pulled back and I pulled back a little, but I made her a promise to not quit or give up cause tbh I always had promises broken to me and I didn’t want to just be another disappointment. Though I don’t want to be in another relationship where I give 100% and only get 10% in return. I told her my feelings about how some of her actions were making me feel and rather than just talk as we had been doing, she pretty much just ghosted me. I mean wtf? Im not blocked on any form of social media, it’s basically the silent treatment. I don’t think asking for her to show that I’m just as important as she is to me, or to not be so dismissive of my desires is too much to ask. I get busy with my son too and don’t answer every 5 minutes but 8 hour response times? Feels more like blatantly being ignored, than just busy. I guess my question for this is should I keep pursuing after a month of no contact, or just walk away? I’d rather be friends over being nothing at all, especially after all that we have shared with one another. I’m so confused.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well. Everything you wrote here sounds quite rational and reasonable to me.

My eyebrows went up when I got to the very end and you mentioned it had been A MONTH of no contact. That helps make this much much easier to answer.

Move-on. For sure.

If she hasn't felt the need to reach-out to resolve something that... only required a regular-ass conversation... or if somehow she was expecting YOU to reach-out (unreasonable in this case)... then... FOR SURE it's time to move-on.

I don't think she has any malicious intent. She sounds like someone with some issues around emotional intimacy. The way she reacted (AND CONTINUES TO REACT) is wildly unacceptable, inappropriate, and most importantly: It's impossible to attempt a relationship with someone unable to have an honest talk about what's happening in that relationship.

Definitely move on. Sorry.

[Sorrento-Sun]

I was once in a similar situation. So I can totally relate to the feeling of being on an emotional roller-coaster.. It's frustrating and hurtful , and it feels like mind games.

If someone ghosts you, it's very hurtful, but it's best to use the time being ignored to your own advantage. Do this by using the time to reflect on the situation and focusing on moving on.

Even if she came back into your life, you'll always wonder if or when she's going to ghost you again. It'll cause you too much emotional instability within you, which would drive you insane. .

People usually ghost because they either feel nothing for you, so they feel like they don't owe you an explanation. Or they are emotionally immature and can't face having to explain why they don't want you in your life

I believe in the phrase 'silence is more powerful than words '. Being ignored let's you know exactly where you stand in someone's life.

[MakFTM1999]

Thank you for the kind words. I’m just dumbfounded I guess that she would be this heartless after everything that we shared with one another having similar past experiences. I guess it’s that natural or should I say the anatomical side of me that wants to help and always looks past the red flags to try and see the hood in everyone else, even at the expense of my own sanity.

[Sorrento-Sun]

I was exactly the same. The guy in my life at the time had issues. We shared our stories and became closer over time. I'm an empath, so I wanted to be there for him , so I ignored the early red flag warnings. There was parts of his personality I liked and we got on so well. We developed a connection. So I overlooked the red flags. Much to my regret.

You're so right when you said it's 'heartless'. It is heartless to do that to someone after you've let your guard down, and
become vulerable with them by sharing past experiences. It's very cruel in my opinion.

I felt confused, anxious and dumbfounded when it happened to me. Never again will I ignore red flags. Your own emotional and mental state are paramount. No one and nothing is worth jeopardising your own sanity for.
No. matter what her reason or excuse is for treating you that way, you deserve better. Your feelings are important. If someone can disguard of you like that, they don't deserve a place in your life.

[MakFTM1999]

Thank you so so much for that response. 🥰 I can’t even get a straight answer outta my BFF at the moment. In the last week every night when I close my eyes, I dream about her. And it’s nothing sexual, it’s always more confrontational. For instance last night, I dreamed that she was sms bombing me for some reason. I mean yeah there were a few times where I double texted when I probably shouldn’t have but damn! No clue what it means or why my mind would think of such a thing, but now I’m waking up triggered, pissed off and almost regretful. This was only three months long. My last relationship was four years long and he’s also the father of my son, and I have never dreamed of him once. But she is haunting my dreams. Maybe it’s because I generally sleep about 4 hours and here lately I’ve actually been sleeping long enough to reach REM cycle. This crap is so confusing. Maybe this is just Karma catching up to me for things that I have done in my past. What’s even worse to me is that, I put so much energy into this, and even now I’m still giving her my energy, and she’s likely not even thought about me for a moment. 😞 How else should I look at someone that can just walk away and not look back when I ask for them to not be so dismissive of me and my needs? I’ll never understand how cis-males can go through this and then just move right onto the next person.

[Sorrento-Sun]

I'm very sorry for what you're going through right now. But use the time without her to work on yourself. Give yourself the love you deserve. Although it's painful right now, your heart will heal in time. 💖🌷

[WhitneySnow]

I think if she’s ghosting you you should ghost her back. If she doesn’t come forward and pursue you then she doesn’t like you that much.

[MakFTM1999]

I sent her a message the day after she went silent and she read it but since then with no response I’ve been silent myself. I feel horrible now for some reason like I did something wrong.

[WhitneySnow]

You did nothing wrong. She’s being a bitch ghosting you like that. Do it back to her and if she still doesn’t come forward just move on and cut your losses.

[MakFTM1999]

Thanks 😔

[Iron_Man]

The first thing you need to do is find yourself

[MakFTM1999]

Can you elaborate a little more please?

[sadgirl0210]

She is probably scared I am just like her.. but maybe she had something bad happens in her past that u never know about.. at least try to see if she ok and to see if she wants something with u

[Anonymous]

Move on.