For the last three years I have been dealing with many aspects of my life, the biggest my transition, but also from forgiving myself for the damages caused from having a narcissistic boyfriend all through highschool. I met someone about 4 months ago. She and I seemed to hit it off almost like soulmates. We literally have that much in common… but she is emotionally guarded. As am I. So I’ve taken my time and let my guard down entirely, been vulnerable and emotional with her in hopes to build trust. She has opened up little by little and told me that she would always have my back and that she feels blessed to have me in her life, even talked about a future together at times. It’s one day she’s extremely hot and talkative and the next week she’s frigid af. And I understand being hot and cold, we all go through it, but damn if this didn’t start feeling like the same emotional roller coaster I rode for 4 years. So, she pulled back and I pulled back a little, but I made her a promise to not quit or give up cause tbh I always had promises broken to me and I didn’t want to just be another disappointment. Though I don’t want to be in another relationship where I give 100% and only get 10% in return. I told her my feelings about how some of her actions were making me feel and rather than just talk as we had been doing, she pretty much just ghosted me. I mean wtf? Im not blocked on any form of social media, it’s basically the silent treatment. I don’t think asking for her to show that I’m just as important as she is to me, or to not be so dismissive of my desires is too much to ask. I get busy with my son too and don’t answer every 5 minutes but 8 hour response times? Feels more like blatantly being ignored, than just busy. I guess my question for this is should I keep pursuing after a month of no contact, or just walk away? I’d rather be friends over being nothing at all, especially after all that we have shared with one another. I’m so confused.
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I was once in a similar situation. So I can totally relate to the feeling of being on an emotional roller-coaster.. It's frustrating and hurtful , and it feels like mind games.
If someone ghosts you, it's very hurtful, but it's best to use the time being ignored to your own advantage. Do this by using the time to reflect on the situation and focusing on moving on.
Even if she came back into your life, you'll always wonder if or when she's going to ghost you again. It'll cause you too much emotional instability within you, which would drive you insane. .
People usually ghost because they either feel nothing for you, so they feel like they don't owe you an explanation. Or they are emotionally immature and can't face having to explain why they don't want you in your life
I believe in the phrase 'silence is more powerful than words '. Being ignored let's you know exactly where you stand in someone's life.14
I think if she’s ghosting you you should ghost her back. If she doesn’t come forward and pursue you then she doesn’t like you that much.13
The first thing you need to do is find yourself1
What Girls & Guys Said
She is probably scared I am just like her.. but maybe she had something bad happens in her past that u never know about.. at least try to see if she ok and to see if she wants something with u0
Well. Everything you wrote here sounds quite rational and reasonable to me.
My eyebrows went up when I got to the very end and you mentioned it had been A MONTH of no contact. That helps make this much much easier to answer.
Move-on. For sure.
If she hasn't felt the need to reach-out to resolve something that... only required a regular-ass conversation... or if somehow she was expecting YOU to reach-out (unreasonable in this case)... then... FOR SURE it's time to move-on.
I don't think she has any malicious intent. She sounds like someone with some issues around emotional intimacy. The way she reacted (AND CONTINUES TO REACT) is wildly unacceptable, inappropriate, and most importantly: It's impossible to attempt a relationship with someone unable to have an honest talk about what's happening in that relationship.
Definitely move on. Sorry.