LADIES, Girlfriend just went to dinner with a guy friend she just met a few days ago. How should I handle this situation?

[DaveJord]

I was on phone with her, someone comes to the door she answers. It's a man's voice, she says "Right now?" His voice is all muffled, like she trying to cover it, she gets back on the phone...

"Hey one of my friends is here, so we are going to dinner, I will call you when we get back. Okay?"

I was like, "sure." She says good bye and click.

How am I supposed to feel about that exchange? No I love you, no kiss smack good bye... I felt rushed off the phone. And she did it right in front of other guy.

Now I am not a jealous type of guy, but I don't like this, how should I handle it.

Updates

1 y

Oh, one more thing... the day she got very defensive with me. Because for three days in a row she mentions guys friends that she just met. So finally I say her, "you got to tell me more about these guy friends" She got upset said i sounded accusing.

Updates

1 y

This woman and I have a fundamental difference in opinions. When you enter into a committed relationship with another person there is some degree of expectation you place on the relationship. In this process you have to set boundaries and when those boundaries overlap you find productive ways to resolve conflict. She is not that type of person to me. So, in the end, she believes she has every right to do what she wants. Which is fine for now if the sex keeps up, long term the prospect are not

[DizzyDesii]

This happened in one of my relationships and it was the beginning of the end of us. I dont trust that shit. I dont play that shit. Its best to end that shit. Dump them before they dump you. And sure people will hit me with the “youre being insecure bullshit”. Nah they’re being dumb by staying with them and are clearly okay with whats likely to become cheating, cucking or some open relationship bs. I dont care if my partner has opposite sex friends if its someone they knew many years before me and looks at like a sibling. But if its some new trick that they just met or if its an ex or someone they are/have been sexually attracted to then no im not cool with that friendship and I’ll break up with them.

[DaveJord]

I agree if it was someone, they knew previously then I would be okay with it, but this literally someone she just met a few days ago, as friend of a friend and he showed up at her front.

[DizzyDesii]

Confront her AGAIN and get as much of an explanation as you need to. If the answer sounds like bullshit, it is. You should move on because you likely deserve better

[DaveJord]

I did, and the answers were bullshit. But we are still hooking up so I am going ot keep that going for as long as it stays fun, and when it stops being fun it will end.

Basically, she said she's a grown women and that she can do what she wants and if I have a problem with that then it's my problem and not her's. I said no problem, I can accept that. But in the back of my mind, I am thinking this not the type of relationship I want to have with a woman, when she places some degree of expectation me and then expects me to accommodate her.

But as long as the sex keeps coming, I will ride it out until something better comes along. Then I will break up with her, or she will break it off with me and make seem like it was her choice to reject me... but we know that will be Bullshit as well.

[DizzyDesii]

But why aren't you worried about her possibly banging you both at the same time (different times of the same day). You may risk catching something

[DaveJord]

yeah, I know. Honestly, I do not think she had sex with him. But at the end of the day I want to go down to Mexico and have a good time and fuck the shit out of her because she is hot.

She basically said that to me, that she just wants me to come back to Mexico and have a good time for the next week and hten we can come back to the United States together and take the relationship from there.

Obviously, she has displayed some pretty toxic behaviors, but if I get one more week of fun out of it then I do not care long term if the relationship lasts. And if it does then great, but honestly, I do not see how she is capable of making the changes I would require... but she is hot, and I do want to go to Mexico and have wild monkey sex.

[DizzyDesii]

My question was about you risking catching a disease from an unfaithful broad but to each its own

[DaveJord]

Because I have had sex with her numerous times already, and I honestly do not believe she has cheated on me. I just do not like what she did and how she treated me when I tried to discuss it with her. Obviously long term this type of behavior will not work out for me.

But at this point if she has a disease then i already got it. I do not think she was unfaith yet.

[Red-Blaze]

I mean sounds suspisuse how ever there is a disclimer to that
You posted before abogt your girl not mentaioning she got a boyfriend
And now this

And we only get our view from your side, that could be effected by your own suspects

So il say its hard to really say, and if this becomes a constent worry for you I recommend make dinner at home and ask to talk
Excpline how you feel, and let her also speak and say her piece
Dont let a worry foster without an answer, a trust breaking can poision a relashinship even if its good

Figer it out and talk in a set time and place, letting each express, if possible before VDay so you can take that clean headed and enjoy it togeder

[Red-Blaze]

Thanks for MHO

[Kaneki05]

Is she younger than you?
Because in my world this is normal and I would say so for younger or more progressive people. Most of my friends are girls, and I know many girls who mostly only have male friends. Don't mean shit. A girl who has a boyfriend slept in the same bed with me within a day of knowing each other, nothing happened though and she wouldn't cheat nor was thinking about that.
One of my friends she has a boyfriend yet the first day I met her she came back home with me to hang out rather than go to his.

That's just how friendships work and especially new ones they become a focus because it's a different bond and especially again if a new bond.

[DaveJord]

She's 42, but that type of thing you are talking about is not something I am accustomed to. I do not sleep in the same bed as women or go out with women unless I am attracted to them in some way. And if she wants to hang out with some other guy, other then men then she needs to date that guy and not me.

Unless it's an open relationship, then sure I would be the sex puppet and she can hang out with whoever she wants. I just do not see that working the opposite way, I mean if you had a girlfriend would she be okay with you sleeping in the same bed as another women, overcoming her?

[Kaneki05]

My ex's never had any issues about that so don't see why not and I would never have a issue with them doing so, I would trust them not to cheat and if they do a cheater always gets revealed at some point. Some people think you can't cuddle platonically but I would highly disagree with that and have proof by doing it many times it did not lead to me homewrecking their relationship or visa versa nvm just simply going for a dinner or to the cinema etc.
The real problems reveals it's self when they start hiding stuff and all the sudden they are never in the mood no more and such things like that.
However yeah if she likeminded to you and not from the younger generation were we are more accustom to such things I can see why it may be a red flag. There is still young people who would feel the same tbh. Just not really any I've met I like people who don't make big deals out of thing like if it was she didn't want to sleep on the uncomfortable sofa, and neither did so we both just jumped in the bed I don't see why that should start an argument just cause she has a boyfriend.

The old method would be the guy should take the Sofa but as the name applies that's outdated for me and many other's I have met.
Also personally myself I don't get along with guys so mainly I am just friends with girls which means I really couldn't date someone who worried about that all the time. And I've known girls who don't really get along with girls so they have mainly male friends don't mean they will cheat though in fact I found them to be more loyal tbh.

[DaveJord]

www.psychologytoday.com/.../when-are-opposite-sex-friends-threat-your-relationship

[Kaneki05]

This means jack all to me. My experience speaks louder than some random psychologist.

[DaveJord]

How old are you? In 20 years if you never had a meaningful relationship come back to this.

[Kaneki05]

Already had 2 loves of my life they were very meaningful so no need. And the reason they ended was not because of cheating I can tell you that. Hopefully 3rd time whenever that is will be the charm.

[DaveJord]

At 21 two lives of your life... not sure you totally grasp the meaning.

[Kaneki05]

Ageist people are dumb as hell so thank you for confirming what you are. Many people at 21 are smarter and more aware than you'll ever be. So don't try to belittle my feelings because of my age because I assure you I know what love is.

[TrillXHippy]

That makes me feel angry and I’m single. I know you said that you’re not jealous and I respect that but you have every right to feel that way. She’s getting very comfortable and that’s not acceptable

[DaveJord]

Yeah, I told her my reaction to this situation does not make me a jealous or possessive person. But any normal guy would have legimate concerns, and even if she disagrees with that and can not respect my feelings, she has to at least acknowledge them. Which she honestly has not done to my level of satification.

[AviatorTom]

You have every right to be jealous... and suspicious. Dinner with a guy she just met sounds like a first date. She needs some 'splaining to do, in particular what she thinks about your relationship.

[DaveJord]

Yeah... obviously she sees nothing wrong with it.

[Ukrainianbuddafly]

Maybe I'm just different, I don't see the point in nor do I find it appropriate to try and establish a friendship with new men I've just met while in a relationship. I've said this same thing to my boyfriend.. I'm able to meet someone randomly and kick it. off without having to stay in touch and absolutely without "hanging out."

[Iron_Man]

That is ridiculous. She’s your girlfriend and she met a guy 4 days ago and they went out to dinner 4 days later. Horrible. That’s not right

[Iron_Man]

I just read your update I don’t think you’re gonna last very long with her

[DaveJord]

Right?

[DaveJord]

I don't think she's going to last long.

[Iron_Man]

Yeah that’s not right get yourself a new girlfriend she’s going to break your heart

[Iron_Man]

Look what the other girl said here

[DaveJord]

Yeah. I am shaking my head now... because she thinks I a schizophrenic jealous boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't trust a skank like that. This hoe ain't loyal.

[DaveJord]

I am concerned, but I am still getting sex for the time being but I am not happy about it.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah, I see what you mean. Yeah, I don't blame you. Keeping her for sex is not something I will advise against. Been there and done that myself in fact.

[DaveJord]

Basically, she told me that she can do whatever she wants and if I have a problem with it then it's my problem not hers. I mean sure okay, that find. I will keep fucking you, but in back of my mind that not the type of relationship I want to have, when she puts expectations on me and expects me to accommodate for her.

But sure, I will ride it out and have fun with it, until it stops being fun and it will end.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, fair deal.

[LazerBean]

Sounds like a new boyfriend is in town

[DaveJord]

Right? Like I am not supposed to be jealous or suspicious or anything.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

If you were out with a girl do you honestly think she wouldn’t be jealous or suspicious?

[DaveJord]

@PainusNdeeAnus @PainusNdeeAnus yeah I asked her what if a women came to my door and asked me out... and she said it's a false equivalent because she's not a man. That it doesn't matter what his motivation is, I should just trust her. Which response was, I trust her, not him... and he is a man so if it would be right for me it's not right for him... and she still went.

Of course she doesn't agree.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

This woman sounds very sly but I’m all for giving people the Benefit of the doubt fool me once shame on you ya kno

[annabananna]

I’m all for friends but something about that seems like a date. Sounds suspicious. Tell her you didn’t feel comfortable with that and see how she reacts.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, basically I said that as guy, I don't feel comfortable with men she just met coming to her front door unannounced asking her out to dinner. I it's not that I do not trust her, but I as a guy I am very suspicious of him. That is a pretty bold move for guy that knows you have boyfriend to show up on your doorstep there a whole thought process that takes place in guy's head before they do that.

Here response, " I am a jealous possessive guy that does not trust, and that if I think she is the type of person that going to out with a guy and have sex with him, that something is wrong with me."

I told her, sure, He is probably not expecting sex, and sure he is probably just wanting some company to eat dinner with and then see where it goes. If he got sex, I am sure he would be disappointed, I mean she is hot sexy woman and obviously this guy knows that, but going out to dinner with him does not discount the possible in his mind, mean not as in right now but maybe later on. he's just putting out feelers and you seem accommodating at lease establishing a relationship with him. And that makes me uncomfortable and that is a natural response for most men, and that does not make me a jealous or processive person.

Yeah, she did not like that either.

[annabananna]

Im sorry but I think her response says a lot about her respect and value towards you.

[DaveJord]

!00% agree, she definitely is placing herself a head of me within this relationship, then flipping every disagreement back on me.

[DarkCarousel]

Sounds like you need to have a talk together about respecting boundaries.

[DaveJord]

Agreed, I need to use that line of approach with her. I did say that this guy's seems to have no respect for boundaries if he knows you have a boyfriend and then just showed up at your door asking you to dinner. I told see this guy is either a, gentlemen, an normal guy or an asshole.

A gentlemen would respect boundaries and not just show up unannounced at your door. knowing you are dating someone.

A normal guy would and not expect anything other than a dinner, and it led to sex later on down the line then so be it. But if you are willing to go out with him then he has no commitment or regard to me.

An asshole would make a move on you, and really stretch the boundaries.

So, in the end we know he is not a gentleman, he might be a normal guy, or he might be an asshole... friend of a friend or not she does really know who this guy is.

[Poppy47]

I’m sorry your in this situation. Firstly communication is what I’d try, but only her actions will prove what our hearts don’t want to see. Even the best of us have been fooled by words.

[DaveJord]

Yup, words are words and action are actions... I think those action speak louder than her words.

[Anonymous]

She’s not only your girl anymore I guess lol

[DaveJord]

Yeah, the conversation later did not go well... she got very defensive and accusing of me.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh that’s what cheaters do yeah 😞

[Exterminatore]

A guy friend she just met? Just met? Fire her.

[DaveJord]

Yeah it feels that way to me,

[In_Trance]

Dump her

[DaveJord]

I will eventually, but I am hooking up with her with her in Mexico tomorrow first. I spent a week with her there a month ago, left her there and going back down there tomorrow.

[Sixgunsound]

That seems a little suspect.

[JonAsk69]

Those are some red Flags

[Anonymous]

You called me ugly and wow you look gross icky old man.