I thought we were dating, but he apparently doesn't... is this just friends with benefits?

So it's a strange story, but I started hanging out with a guy who I had flirted with from across the street (I would be at the bus stop after work, and he works across the street) for over a year, and things progressed fairly quickly. We talked for little bit on Facebook, then started texting, then hung out.

The first handful of hangouts were innocent and just 'getting to know you' type stuff.

He grabbed my hand on the 3rd time hanging out, but nothing was said. Now, fast forward a month. We talk every day, I'm over at his house quite a lot, (he's also 27, and I'll be 20 next month. It seems like a lot, but I've always dated older, because most men my age are still quite immature) and we have sex fairly often.

He calls me 'baby', 'beautiful', all that jazz. We go out on dinner dates at least once a week, usually more. He's cooked me meals, he's gotten me coffee when I'm at work...

So basically it's like we're dating, right?


It's like the 'r word' is a taboo in our friendship/thing. I got hit on by a creepy guy the other day, and quickly told him "I don't think my boyfriend would like that" in response to something he said, but I didn't even think of Behn as my boyfriend.

I told him about the incident, and said, "I didn't mean to freak you out by the boyfriend thing; I just needed to tell the guy something that would get him off my back", and he responded with, "You can "use" me as your boyfriend whenever you like, doll" with a winky face.

That kind of crushed me...it was weird. It felt like everything was about the fact that we're intimate with each other.

And he calls me his friend.

It's just weird. He doesn't refer to me as his girlfriend, and rightly so, because we aren't in a relationship.

I'm basically lost.

I have no idea what to think; what to feel.

However, I'm scared of pushing him away if I bring this up to him, because I don't want him to think I'm some crazy girl who needs the label to be with a guy.

But I'm falling for this guy. Of course I am! He treats me like a princess, and basically like I'm his special lady.

I'm beyond confused, and I'm scared of getting hurt. I don't typically let men into my life because of past stuff I've gone through, but I really like him.

Sorry this was so long! Thank you for reading, and PLEASE give me some insight into what this could possibly be. Because I'm lost.



Most Helpful Guy

  • "but I've always dated older, because most men my age are still quite immature"

    I almost wanted to stop right there. There's a lot of immature men. I will never disagree with that. - But there's a lot of immature women too and age has nothing to do with it. Age does not change who someone is and never will.

    About your question; you haven't discussed a relationship so the social normal is that you're "friends" until that conversation comes up. As long as there isn't any confirmation or discussion about the relationship it's widely accepted that you two are just "friends".

    You may have also forgotten to include what he thought of the incident. It goes straight to you apologizing for using the terminology boyfriend; which would only push his thoughts on the matter to a recovery state such as "Okay, she doesn't want a relationship. I better make a joke.".

    It seems like he really likes you, but there's never the way to know without asking directly.


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What Guys Said 3

  • He's just using you for sex, and thinks of you as too young to take seriously. You have to expect this if you date guys this much older. You might think you're so mature, but no 27 year old is likely to agree.

    Try dating guys your own age if you want to be respected and treated as an equal.

    • He told me his age limit is never under 25, but said I was an incredible exception. I bring up the age thing more than he does, to be honest. Always jokingly, of course, but with some truth behind it nonetheless. We've both been through things in our childhoods that matured us quickly, and he attributes my maturity to that. He said he would never consider getting involved with a girl my age, but that I'm not like other women my age.

    • Show All
    • Nope, people always lived to about 50 years at least. The reason the average lifespan was so low was because a lot of them died during infancy or as a child. If you made it to 18 years of age, then you were very likely to become at least 50.

    • thanks for the MH, Zombie!

  • Why not ask him about it?

  • Well if he's doing all the things that couples do, is a label really necessary? I mean it'd be different if he only invited you over to fool around with, and ignored taking you out to places, just talking, etc.

    Eventually though, you should bring it up. This sounds like it's going to be bothering you...


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