I was completely oblivious to a guy shutting me out of his life.
We had been friends, and hoped we would continue to be. The friendship was maintained more on my side than his, but I continued to hear from him and still had dinner with him occasionally (once or twice a year). He was definitely kinder in the beginning when we first started talking, I think he was interested in pursuing something. He was an ex and I think it was a booty call he was looking for (although maybe it was a relationship). He had broken my heart too many times to count. He would have had to do a great job convincing me he wanted me and he didn't. I was also going through a rough time and was really insecure and self-conscious around him. This led to nothing, but I continued to think we were friends.
I kept writing him, never hearing much from him (not that different than before). Things did seem different, he would occasionally snap at me (especially if I asked if he was still okay hearing from me) or when he always seem "busy" (which he would always say is the truth and I accepted it as that). He was not interested in me (he never went out of his way to contact me), but I think he knew my awkwardness was partially that I still liked him although I was standoffish.
I recently found out he was dating someone for a lot of the time I was still contacting him regularly and asking him to dinner, etc. The times he was busy and getting angry for me asking if he was trying to avoid me.
I know a lot of the contact was on my side, and I never knew he had a girlfriend so I would try to be a good friend and remember things and when I didn't hear from him let him know I hoped he was okay. I thought he was doing poorly with work and said I was concerned. Not things I regret at all, because I genuinely care about him, but things that apparently made him very upset until he finally told me to leave him alone.
We weren't great friends, obviously, and I am starting to sense that in his own way he was trying to give me the brush off because he had a girlfriend (which I found out after our fight) and didn't want me in his life anymore. I didn't see it at all, I thought he was under stress.
My questions are, why wasn't he direct with me that he had a girlfriend - easy to get rid of a girl that won't leave you alone, right?
Why did he get angry when I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone ... if that's what he wanted, why not be a jerk - especially if our friendship isn't a priority to him and I wasn't getting the subtle hints of avoidance, irritation, silence, and "busy"-ness?
Why would he still continue to respond to emails sometimes and even read them if he wasn't interested in being my friend anymore?
Why would he accept dinner invitations if he didn't want to go?
Why not be direct, instead of agreeing to plans with someone and then not following through ... then blaming the person you stood up when confronted and blaming everything on me?
We had been friends, and hoped we would continue to be. The friendship was maintained more on my side than his, but I continued to hear from him and still had dinner with him occasionally (once or twice a year). He was definitely kinder in the beginning when we first started talking, I think he was interested in pursuing something. He was an ex and I think it was a booty call he was looking for (although maybe it was a relationship). He had broken my heart too many times to count. He would have had to do a great job convincing me he wanted me and he didn't. I was also going through a rough time and was really insecure and self-conscious around him. This led to nothing, but I continued to think we were friends.
I kept writing him, never hearing much from him (not that different than before). Things did seem different, he would occasionally snap at me (especially if I asked if he was still okay hearing from me) or when he always seem "busy" (which he would always say is the truth and I accepted it as that). He was not interested in me (he never went out of his way to contact me), but I think he knew my awkwardness was partially that I still liked him although I was standoffish.
I recently found out he was dating someone for a lot of the time I was still contacting him regularly and asking him to dinner, etc. The times he was busy and getting angry for me asking if he was trying to avoid me.
I know a lot of the contact was on my side, and I never knew he had a girlfriend so I would try to be a good friend and remember things and when I didn't hear from him let him know I hoped he was okay. I thought he was doing poorly with work and said I was concerned. Not things I regret at all, because I genuinely care about him, but things that apparently made him very upset until he finally told me to leave him alone.
We weren't great friends, obviously, and I am starting to sense that in his own way he was trying to give me the brush off because he had a girlfriend (which I found out after our fight) and didn't want me in his life anymore. I didn't see it at all, I thought he was under stress.
My questions are, why wasn't he direct with me that he had a girlfriend - easy to get rid of a girl that won't leave you alone, right?
Why did he get angry when I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone ... if that's what he wanted, why not be a jerk - especially if our friendship isn't a priority to him and I wasn't getting the subtle hints of avoidance, irritation, silence, and "busy"-ness?
Why would he still continue to respond to emails sometimes and even read them if he wasn't interested in being my friend anymore?
Why would he accept dinner invitations if he didn't want to go?
Why not be direct, instead of agreeing to plans with someone and then not following through ... then blaming the person you stood up when confronted and blaming everything on me?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
You're his Plan B if Plan A doesn't work out.