57, widowed with insecurities and sexual anxiety?

[Cougarkitty01]

Good Afternoon,

I'm 57 and have been out of the dating game for 3 years. I used that time to establish a self care journey. Learning to love me, finding out who I am and learning to be alone without being lonely. I must say I passed with flying colors. I love who I am today and enjoy spending time alone. Almost prefer it.. well I met a guy in person last Thanksgiving and although he lives and works 2 hours away we text everyday and both agree we not only have a genuine connection but a highly sexual one as well. On that note, we've made a mutual decision to wait until the timing is just right. Life gets lifey if you know what I mean, but I also have one and only one insecurity. I've had 2 c sections and gave birth to 3 daughters. I look exceptionally well in clothes until I undress. I have the belly one gets from c sections. I've heard it's call a hanging belly. Absolutely no way to get rid of it. We've talked many times about meeting and spending the night but my anxiety gets the best of me. I'm highly intelligent and find it odd I can't get past this belly insecurity. I can be very sexual and hope it overrides the insecurities but I don't know. Any suggestions how to get passed this? Please and thank you.

[burlen]

Hi @Cougarkitty01

It's great to hear that you've taken the time to focus on your self-care and have learned to love and appreciate yourself. It sounds like you have a great connection with this guy and have been able to establish a strong emotional and sexual bond with him.

I can understand that your insecurity about your belly is causing you anxiety and making it difficult to move forward with meeting and spending time with him. However, recognise our bodies go through different changes and it's perfectly normal to have imperfections.

Also, keep in mind that he's been texting you every day for months and has expressed a genuine connection with you, so it's unlikely that your physical appearance would be a deal breaker for him.

It might be helpful to have an honest conversation with him about your concerns and insecurities. It's possible that he may have his own insecurities as well and talking about them can help to create a more open and accepting environment for both of you.

Also, you could try focusing on the aspects of your body that you do appreciate and enjoy, rather than fixating on the parts you don't.

You are more than just your physical appearance and your connection with this guy is built on a variety of factors, including emotional and intellectual compatibility.

[ShiftingMonke]

Ill preface this with an open apology as i dont know how else to word it without sounding crass or disrespectful; that is not my intent as I'll speak at liberty on things i only assume, please bear with me and know I've no ill intent)

You may see the belly and scars as an imperfection, because you've seen yourself naked your whole life. You remember what you looked like at 23, you may miss your body at 35, and now you think you're somehow less desirable now because you don't resemble what you thought were your best body years.

He, however, has never seen you. So the first time will be an amazing experience, especially since you two have held back. Yes, you may have some belly scars, but you also have other things he's attracted to and I'm confident when the time comes, he will have no issues getting intimate.

Something else to consider, if he is similar in age to you, he's facing the exact same problem- he doesn't have the 6-pack he used to, there's hair in his ears, and he can't carry a bag of concrete without feeling like his back is going to shatter. But he probably isn't thinking of himself like that, he's overjoyed that he's found an amazing woman who wants to be intimate with him. He's not going to read the fine print. Even more so if there's a strong emotional and mental bond. He will just be happy to be involved.

And finally, with the both of you together, you just kinda have to accept that this is part of the territory. The years aren't kind to our bodies but our hearts burn with the passion of youth. The same way two young lovers have the energy and vigor to have long passionate romps, their inexperience and modesty makes such encounters clumsy and awkward at first. It was just the way we learned with our partners.

Now that we are older, the vigor may be less but the passion is unaffected and he will see a beautiful woman who's chosen him, and in that moment, he will see nothing else.

[Guy13]

We always tend to be our own worst abusers. Stop ✋ it please and remove the thought before it takes hold. Know but do Not abuse Thyself. Leave that to us…we’re pretty good at that.
You seem to be setting yourself up for failure. Reel it in please 🎣

[Anonymous]

'Absolutely no way to get rid of it.'

Not necessarily. Our subconscious has the power to control our heartbeat, create digestive enzymes, build new cells, regenerate our bodies etc etc. Thus you could create subliminal audio that bypasses your consciousness and sends the message to the subconscious to regenerate that area. But I would also suggest creating a subliminal that instructs your subconscious to accept how you look regardless. Some people have completely transformed their features with those. I used them to reverse gray hair, regenerate thinning hair (people say hair transplant is the only way) and much more. Search ' Reddit The perfectionists guide a complete guide to subliminals'. Read that for more information.

Note that regardless of how you feel about your body, when you bypass the conscious mind you create new belief this eventually creating the acceptance you need in that (or any other) area.

I also suggest you don't rush in. The anxiety could be an intuitive warning sign, rather than what you think it is. After all, if you met a guy that truly accepted all of you, you would feel this immediately and naturally be anxiety free...

[Anonymous]

I'm only going by your name so don't take offense. But if you're dating men younger and more sexually appealing then you then you're kind of creating your own problem.

Do I find Scarlet Johansson physically attractive? Yes I do. But I'm smart enough to know my attractiveness to a woman like her. 😆

[Jamie05rhs]

Welcome to GAG! :)

Ma'am, I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell the young chicks on this site, because the same rules apply no matter how old you are:
Just take things SLOW! And take it one step at a time.

If you're worried about what he will think of your body, why don't you plan a trip to the beach together and go swimming with him?

[Anonymous]

Aww i feel you ma'am...
Last month I had sex with 52yr old woman she is my mom friend. She has same insecurities I told her don't bother about anything let me give you pleasure...

And than she feel relaxed and we had awesome sex.

[In_Trance]

just get back out there and start dating again