Why was I not taught this at a younger age?

Question

I was taught no matter what age everyone will find someone. But, I figured out that’s complete BS. Especially, for women. After hitting 30 or over, no man wants a woman that age. We’re seen as unlovable and undesirable. So, why were we not taught this before adulthood? Why lie to women and get our hopes? I honestly find that very cruel.

ShiftingMonke · Accepted Answer

On the contrary, I think it's a highly accurate statement; if one wants to be desired, they must first be desirable. One must examine themselves to figure out if they are truly the very best passion they can be.

I see the quote "if they can't love me at my worst, they don't deserve my best" but that doesn't mean someone enters the dating pool without putting any effort into themselves. So many folks think that they are immobile in self and opinion, expecting others to not only desire them on merit alone but also conform to expectations without question.

I am not in the dating scene and I won't enter it again. But for the sake of conversation, I'll say I am- I'm 34. I know that I'm bringing a different set of skills and mentality to the table; I can't approach women the same way I did at 24. I wouldn't expect to either. I believe that when a single guy goes to the bar, he wonders if he will get laid; when a single woman goes to a bar, she already knows if she is going to get laid.

With that observation, I think women have a much harder time adjusting to the dating scene as they age simply because they never learned how to approach, since the men always came to them. To a majority of men, a 20 year old will get more attention than a 30 year old.

Tl;dr: all someone can do is control themselves and the way they present themselves. Blaming everyone and everything is not the path to personal growth and improvement.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

This is not true. That's why nobody teaches girls this at a young age. Becuse it's not true. In fact, it would be super-fucked up if you DID tell some little girl that this is how things work. Because it's not true. This is just how you, personally have come to see it. It's silly to expect to have been taught this. Again, because it's just not true.

But there is nothing more unattractive than someone who has such a low opinion of themselves. If you don't seem to see any value in yourself, it's hard to present yourself in a way that someone else is likely to see the value in you either. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But don't go telling kids this. That's super-messed-up. And really really wrong.

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

30 is not old and even my uncle is still able to have a more active dating life than me with his 50 years... i think it all depends on you, sure it doesn't get easier with age but it ain't impossible

Red-Blaze · Accepted Answer

I have to say I disagree on this Hell pepole in old age homes still date You can dind someone regardless of your age, its never easy but you can do it no matter the number

AmandaYVR · Answer

I think you're psyching yourself out, Sasha. We can focus on what has been lost, what is no longer, what we lack, and on the potential negative outcomes. And it's hard, believe me, I know it is, to not do these things too much. But as Monke has said on another thread, investing in these lines of thinking will get you nowhere, except maybe more depressed.

You know what older women have to offer? (And you are not "old", so take my phrasing as technically accurate, not a pejorative, please.) They don't do much of the same bullshit that younger females do. Is it because of immaturity? Ego? Entitlement? Lack of experience? Generational differences springing from the culture they grew up in? I don't know, and who really cares, but I can tell you that guys do not simply overlook you past the age of 30. You can start to feel invisible out there, I get that. Though I was usually wanting to blend in, not stand out. But I'm 50 and I still get looks on the street. The strange thing is that I thought it was purely cute or smart fashion choices, but if it was then why don't females ever look at me? I'm reaaaally invisible to them. Yet they're the ones who are thinking about wardrobe choices on others. Anyway. Buy some nice clothes. For me, it's a beautiful, long black wool and cashmere coat which I bought 55% off a few years ago, but it was a $600 coat prior to the sale, and I have a fluffy grey winter hat that every guy seems to love, and if I wear a heeled ankle boot with that, and a colourful scarf, and my white gloves, apparently I look fun, like someone guys want to know. They don't know I'm 50 or been married and with the same guy 23 years.

Don't be defeatist. I have tons of things I don't like about myself, and I feel old and scruffy. But at 30 I had an equally long list of complaints, and as my mother always said (when I was 15, etc.), "Oh, you look great. Stop wasting your energy on this. It goes downhill one day, but you're not there yet!" And she was right.

So get off the couch, go do something, smile, look up, live your life. If you see a nice looking guy you like the look of, say hi. Don't be passive. Don't let you life slip away from you. It's yours, and yours alone. No one else will really care if you wasted yours, have a ton of regrets. You are more than your external. Learn things. Read. Think. Grow. Have something to say. Care about the world, and other people. Don't just talk about yourself, and your problems. Guys really do like to talk as well. Not nearly as much, as often, but they like being asked questions. Your curiosity about them matters. Guys have had to do much of the heavy lifting (approaching, etc.) in relationships, to get them off the ground, for a long time now. Forget subtle. Conk them over the head with a mallet, and flirt with them. "Hey cutie!" They'll love it. They'll think you're cool as fuck, too.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I was not taught this, but I know men that were... it lead some of them to think they didn't really need to try because sooner or later it would just happen.

Obviously it is BS for everyone to think they will find someone sooner or later.

Anonymous · Answer

That's not true at all!
I find women in their 30s to be highly desirable. It's that perfect balance between maturity and youth.
30 is not what it used to be. Most people are just starting to figure themselves out and become the person they want to be around that time.
Plenty of romances begin when a woman is her 30s, and there is absolutely hope for you to do the same.
You're not too old or too washed up to start finding love, darling. You're just getting started!
When it's meant to happen for you, it will happen. There's no need to start putting deadlines on your love life! It's not worth it.
Just focus on yourself and becoming the best version of yourself and love will find it's way to you when it's damn good and ready.

When you're approaching 50, then we'll talk

raven6933 · Answer

The simple fact is that quite a few men are inherent pigs and you shouldn't always believe everything that you hear. It's harder to manipulate women or men for that matter after they have life experience. Sounds to me like they're wanting someone whom they can control. Unless they're have intentions on starting a family. However these days no one can afford that. Corporate greed is way out of control.

Mansearching · Answer

Im in my 40s. So is my girlfriend. We've been together off and on for 12 years in June officially. So we got together in our 30s. We're no model material. We found someone so your question doesn't compute (quote from Johnny 5).

If your talking about yourself, it maybe about attitude. I don't know you personally at all. I could be wrong but with all your questions about relationships it kinda makes since.

Anonymous · Answer

"After hitting 30 or over, no man wants a woman that age. We’re seen as unlovable and undesirable."

That's not true. Women that age are still loveable and desirable, just less so than they were in their prime. But you can still find love at that age. Lots of women do.

I do however agree that it's cruel to not prepare women for this reality, and we have feminism to thank for that.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Not true at all. I work with women in their 40s and 50s who are regularly dating.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't create a stereotype based on your bad luck.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Your delusion came from women doing everything they can to keep other women single.

Why was I not taught this at a younger age?

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