For online dating - why do girls state a list of demands they want their boyfriend to check off and guys state their list of attributes to qualify themselves?

[21Cowboy21]

Why is this the case? Does this dynamic in online dati g bios change once single males in their 30's start sorting amongst their matches of females in their 30's? Or does this remain the same with females always demanding things in online bios and men always providing things in online bios long term?

Or is this view wrong? Maybe this is not the case. I have only used tinder briefly

in first yr until I was 19 and legal to just pick up at the club/downtown scene most times.

[Novacane]

That is because their mating strategies are different, women are looking for things to disqualify you and men look for things that will qualify you. Since women typically dont make the first move and the guy has to approach them, it is their way of filtering out the numerous of men that are approaching them whether in person or on social. While men are approaching so for them it is more of a "look what I have" to try to sway the girl. I would say it gets harder when you get older. Women's standards are more likely to increase while men will just stop caring and it creates a disruptive system of women claiming there are no good men and men claiming there aren't suitable women. This is my personal opinion but you have a better chance at finding the one when you are younger because around that time you both are in the same positions if your life whether you are just in college or starting a career. Once you move away from that the dating world becomes unpredictable.

[elew4too]

Men approach women; so they need to appeal to women enough simply to get a response. Women take advantage of this dynamic by weeding out the guys they don't want reaching out to them.

I think women miss a huge opportunity in this dynamic though. Appealing to a man is what separates a girl you want to pursue from the girl of the week. It's easy to state what you want; it's much harder to make others want you. I'm always shocked by the amount of women (and men, for that matter) who assume they can act however they want and solicit interest from the opposite sex. It would be like an advertisement telling you, "Just buy it and give me money. No broke people though." Like, why would I buy your product if you're weeding me out and not incentivizing me?

And no, it doesn't change in your 30s

[Asad1ONE1]

Yes this goes both ways though. It's just the system that's messed up. Men approach. But overall, both sides looking for compatible partners.

[Asad1ONE1]

Both sides looking to appeal to each other. There is no one side that has more "power".

[silvermoon84]

I can’t really answer too much for the women. In my profile, I include my attributes and only four “qualifications” (Christian, loyal, hard working and will treat me well). However, I can only speak for myself. I have seen a video in which a woman lists all her “requirements” on Steve Harvey’s show and it takes three big screens to cover everything, and not a single one covered important things like moral character, common values or personality... it was all stuff like “must love cupcakes”, “must be a dog lover”, “must be a yankees fan”, “must hate certain music genres” that sort of thing.

[ManOnFire]

You sound like a keeper.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Lol! "Must love cupcakes"
I think you just summed up women on Tinder with a single quote

[Anonymous]

Sorry to burst your romantic bubble. But the reason is that if you end up having sex, it is the girl that could get pregnant (no matter how careful you all are). And raising children these days is no joke. So, she needs to make sure you can handle the job. Simple as that.

[coachTanthony]

Not sure but both male and female bios should have a mix of both otherwise you just come off like a bitch.

[Guy13]

That would be too simple and basically can be seen as contract. It is on paper so "you said you were... but you're not" Problems.

[dynamicyandere]

Why? I’m not sure. But people that do that are just shooting themselves in the foot.

People who write a lot of demands like that without highlighting what THEY bring to the table (e. g. attributes and traits others may like or value) seem to be expecting all their suitors to chase them and cater to their wants and needs.


The problem with that is that it can come off as condescending or pretentious.


And, anyone who is “at their level” or above will find this behavior obnoxious.


If one wants to actually attract someone “at your level” then they should be more respectful and courteous because the other person will be assessing them just as much as they are.


And they ALSO have the right to have preferences and non-negotiables of their own.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t seen that. It’s more that people use their profiles to tell others who they are. Photos have very little sense of personality. Which is a very key element in any relationship or any social interaction. So using the profile section as a way to show personality I think is a great idea.


I haven’t seen the checklist element of it tho, or if I have, that’s not how I’ve viewed it.

[21Cowboy21]

Its likely I am engaging in self representation bias then - I may notice the profiles more I am trying to find that to be the case with and disregarding those that are not subconciously - likely is a mix then for both genders it sounds

[21Cowboy21]

I have sometimes scene girls stat that they want a man who is 6ft 6inches and 6 figures. But I have not heard men state this back at all. Then again I have also not scene any male profiles apart from how I would make my own. I'm sure its likely a mix though if we check as you say

[Opinion Owner]

I haven’t used Tinder. But it seems very focused on appearance from what I’ve heard. I also haven’t seen male profiles obviously, apart from my friends. So I can’t really comment on that side of things either.

Girls saying they want a man who is 6’ 6” and 6 figures, I’d immediately swipe left on tho. Clearly too focused on appearance and not enough on personality. We all get old someday, and is she gonna still be focused on appearance when that happens? Personality lasts, looks don’t. So yeah that’s an immediate swipe left for me personally.

[21Cowboy21]

Very well said - a lot of people are so focused on the short term - they forget to plan for what the long term dynamics will be lile overall.

[Anonymous]

Because women consider themselves superior, and therefore men must seek their approval. If a man states any sort of standards for what he's looking for in a woman, they trash him - it offends that false sense of superiority. Its also why some demand such high standards that only 1 in 10,000+ men can possibly measure up.

Men show what they have to offer, as is reasonable for introducing and presenting yourself on a dating site. Women don't state what they have to offer, because... well...

[Levin]

Well, this would appear to reflect modern dating power dynamics, with women having a lot more power. Or so it would seem. However, it's doubtful that online is necessarily reflective of true life. Don't men outnumber women 2 to 1 on those things? That would skew desirability in itself.

[Babygirl_S]

In the apps we have in my country,both genders state their partner preferences which includes age, education, income, lifestyle, marital status, diet, height, religion and caste. There was a column for skin colour preference earlier but now it has been removed on most dating and matrimony apps/sites. No one mentions the eye and hair colour preferences either. It could be different in the West.

[OfMiceandMen]

Never did the online dating thing, I just liked meeting girls the old fashioned way, in person.

I would feel uncomfortable listing attributes about myself and/or the woman I am trying to meet or date.

[Pohjolan]

In ages 18-29 in US there is almost twice as many single guys as single women.

Of course the single women can be picky when on average there is two suitors for each even if they won't settle for being a side chick.

[Chazmatazz269]

Heterosexual dating has ALWAYS been men selling themselves to women who have options. It has never been otherwise and it likely never will be.

[genericname85]

because women have the stronger negotiating power in online dating. girls are high in demand and men low in demand. that's how it is and that's why that dynamic is that way.

[Asad1ONE1]

Actually, reality is something else lol

[genericname85]

@Asad1ONE1 no it's not. It's the exact same in real world dating too

[Asad1ONE1]

The only power is in the hands of "men". It's a collaborative effort. If only they can take the power away by stop approaching, swiping or initating.

[genericname85]

@Asad1ONE1 so by saying how it "should be", you by implication admitted how it is not, which means i was right. thanks.

[Asad1ONE1]

Good point you got me. But only partially.

Numerous sources indicate more women than men are unhappy with online dating.

Do "negotiating power" or not, happiness is all that matters.

[genericname85]

@Asad1ONE1 young women are the more valuable good on the dating market. that's how it is and how it's always was. men only get value on the dating market later in life when they have established careers and a good and steady income. that's how it is dude. no point in wasting thought about how things should be. accept things for what they are and try to work with it.

[Asad1ONE1]

Women value youth and beauty in men just as much. Probably even more. They just care about other leadership qualities as well. But not all women are the same.

[Asad1ONE1]

Women are just generally insecure to express what they really want. They are nurtured to be "the prize", and part of the numerous reasons more women than men are miserable.

[Asad1ONE1]

And if you think women are the "more valuable good", you are as naive as you are lost. They are just as valuable as women. Probably even more. The dynamics of the SYSTEM make it seem like otherwise.

[genericname85]

@Asad1ONE1 just observe male response to women on dating site. and compare that to female responses. i'm not interested in theoretical ideas of how things could be. i look at things how they are and that's it. if you're a man in your early 20s, girls will not show very big interest in you, except if you're like 6 feet tall, muscular and relatively welathy. be a girl in your 20s fat and unemployed and the guys will still line up to fuck you. that's the reality we live. that's not "naive". that's what the reality is.

[Asad1ONE1]

Just stay away from those selfish, miserable loser women and find the one girl that not only likes you just as much as you like her. But for the same reasons.

Women really are the problem and I agree, but thankfully not all.

[genericname85]

@Asad1ONE1 I'm just describing reality as it is. You can stop telling me I'm wrong now ;) you know i was right from the getgo :D

[Asad1ONE1]

As I know from experience, I'm a 5'5" slim guy that looks similar to my pfp, and many women are into that type of look (probably even all). Only the insecure women will pretend to like the stereotypically tall and masculine looking guys I think, particularly in countries like US, Australia and India.

I've also heard women actually prefer the thin and cute look on guys.

[Sasha0426]

I’m not on dating websites so I couldn’t tell you why. But, unfortunately, that’s their mindset. They demand so much yet don’t have anything to offer back.

[Sasha0426]

That’s the women, of course.

[John_Doesnt]

Because women know they can get away with it and because guys keep enabling them to do it.

[es20490446e]

When you date in real life people aren't that selective.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Because women who are unable to get the men they want are only able to complain about the men they don’t want

[Anonymous]

You’re right, I’ve noticed that on many sites, I guess they think they are all that and have more to offer than just sex which usually isn’t true, that’s why they are still single

[Anonymous]

I haven’t noticed that lol. I do always put my height though, just cuz I know being tall is a turn off for a lot of guys and I want them to know

[LegendaryDater]

It's human nature for men to sell themselves and women to tell you want they want to buy.

[Asad1ONE1]

Nah this goes both ways don't you think? Not gender specific.

[Anonymous]

"Women are choosers" no they're just by and large assholes. Don't say that ever or they'll hate you for stating the obvious lol. So yeah. Have Rizz

[Anonymous]

a famous youtube comment once said "Dating for women is shopping, dating for men is like a job interview"

[WanderingLoveWizard]

It's a buyer's market

[Anonymous]

We have more to lose, that's why.

[Mayo503]

Lol….
Say it all really 🙊😂

[LiamJHayden]

Supply and demand.

[grega239]

Its a job interview