How the hell do you know if a shy guy likes you? And men, how the hell do you know if a woman likes you?

Not something I'm worried about atm, but just good info to know.

How are we supposed to know when shy men like us?
When I used tu date, I liked shy guys. But their coy "reserved" attitudes annoy me. I'm impatient and like people being direct. That way I won't be labeled a conceited slut for assuming that he likes me, if he hasn't otherwise stated it directly.
I asked them out before because I thought they liked me! Nope, I got "oh, I was just being nice". "No, I'm not attracted to you". "I am not interested." You get the point.

Men, this applies to y'all too, how the hell do you know if a woman likes you? This is why I gotta give props to men when it comes to dating. You don't know if she likes you and how she'll take your approach.
I used to be super shy, and I figured what I did applied to shy men too lol
I've been on both sides, and I gotta give props to the ones who approach aka men. Yes, it's scary, HOWEVER, if you don't risk anything, you don't win anything. If a relationship doesn'tarise because you're too shy to ask them out, that's your fault. If a relationship doesn't arise because the person rejected you, it's neither of your fault. But at least you don't have that uncertainty "oh, I should have asked him/her out!"

Online lists everywhere say that if he:
-makes more eye contact with you than others
-you catch him staring and then he looks away
-is more comfortable texting you but is reserved in social situations
-gets nervous when you're around
Etc etc. The list is similar to how you know when a girl likes you by the way.

Had plenty of guys like that, asked them out. Was shot down every single time. Most men I asked out were shy. And it was frustrating, like damn. I know I'm not pretty, but I didn't know I was THAT undesirable lol

No, I'm not interested in dating, especially not little shy guys since they're never interested in me anyways, but how are you supposed to know when they're interested? And men, how can you tell if a woman likes you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You probably already know this, but take care to regard only those online lists that have some polish, and aren't just a random person posting his/her experience as a universal fact.

    There is no absolute, universal formula of men's and women's flirtatious behavior. There are just symptoms of attraction, and when you see a cluster of them, you can reasonably suspect that the person in question is attracted to you.

    Some symptoms of women attracted to men *I've seen* include:
    -moving her hair in various ways (usually any way that serves no obvious purpose.
    -adjusting her clothing.
    -physical contact (but this is less true for shy women).
    -overcompensating for attraction by acting too indifferent to his presence.
    -looking at the ground immediately when she notices him seeing her.

    ^These absolutely do not mean a girl will go out with you if she displays them. You have no idea how many times I have been rejected by girls who displayed all these signs.

    As for men's behavior, I can only go by what I did back when I was very shy:
    -look away when eye contact is made.
    -act nonchalant when she's around to the point that it's probably noticeable.
    -nervous, jittery hand movements, and especially "protective" body language (linking hands at the waist, crossing arms).
    -pretty much any symptom of being nervous can apply here.

    ^A lot of symptoms are similar between the sexes.

    Really, though, don't spend time wondering over whether or not a man or woman is attracted to you. If you're a man, get to know her and ask her out (or just ask her out). If you're a woman, you can ask men out too, but if you're absolutely terrified of doing that, just be more aggressive in getting the answer out of him. Just think the next time you see him: "If I don't find out now, am I just going to be wondering if he likes me until I see him again?" Realizing that I would be getting something out of the way has spurred me into asking out women when I would have been afraid to otherwise.

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What Guys Said 27

  • It is a tricky thing. On a basic overarching standpoint, one can tell a shy guy likes them from him simply paying more attention to a girl.

    I don't think eye contact or staring are good indications though. I would say that a lot people make a special point not to stare, because they know it is an obvious sign. Likewise, people stare with plenty of other reasons than attraction. Let's take texting though. Now, a shy guy may feel comfortable texting you, but he'll also make a point to text you more often than other people. Likewise, it will be also less likely for him to just end conversations without good reason.

    The underlying reason/force driving shy people I'd say is the thought "I want to talk/interact/be around her, but I don't want to come off as too abrupt/awkward and/or I don't want my feelings to be known and not returned." Think of this as you are looking for "signs."

    A good indication is also if he blushes around you easily. Like if you catch him off guard, he may be able to put up a poker face, but he can't control blushing so easily.
    He may try to impress you in some way or fashion. It may/may not come off as incredibly awkward, but at least he is trying lmao. He'll probably be extra nice to you. (Note: I am not saying that every nice shy guy has a crush on you, but there is a good chance rather that a shy guy who has a crush on you is nice.)

    Eventually, shy people can crack and will ask you out... or, if they're super shy, they'll just keep on hinting and hope you ask em out. The hints may get more and more obvious until they hope you notice (or they give up).
    Example: lets say a shy guy has a crush on you.
    -- When he first has a crush on you, he may just try to be friendly
    -- After a bit, he may compliment you extra much
    -- After a bit more, he may straight up confess, ask you to go on a casual date, or maybe he'll, I don't know, as you to go out dancing or something (maybe with other friends). Aka not a "relationship," but a "as friends but wishing for something more" mindset. It just continues from there-- baby steps lol.

    ---
    To the second part of your question with knowing girls like me, I'm painfully oblivious unless they are painfully obvious.
    Like unless it is abundantly clear that they are paying attention to me more than other people or flirting with me, I figure it is just them being friendly. It's almost shameful how bad I am at recognizing it. I think part of it is because I don't want to assume wrong.

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    • Continuing the example with shy guys...
      So I had a shy friend back in high school who was crushing on a girl. He was shy enough he wouldn't admit it to me or any other friends, but it was pretty obvious. The girl liked him too. The friend asked the girl out to just hang out (casually-- no, not like "that") at his house. However, he invited our mutual friend and I also to hang out. So I was basically stuck as the 3rd/4th wheel with my one friend. Was a bit awkward lol.

      The original friend insisted it was just a platonic get-together, but it was pretty obvious it was him asking her out... but without asking her out. Eventually she lost interest waiting for him, and I heard she wasn't very happy he didn't ask her out alone. But that's what I mean by hinting heavily.

    • But I've had all that! There was this white guy that was shy and seemed to like me. As you said, he can try to have a poker face all he wanted, but his red flushed cheeks often gave it away... He was my classmate and I decided to sit next to him one day. He said he was glad I sat next to him because I'm really smart. And gave me like a lingering smile. Time went on, and his signs were subtle but I asked him out, he stuttered and stumbled a bit then said no, he wasn't interested. And that was that.

  • If someone really is so shy and socially incompetent that they don't give out any clear signs or make their feelings known then the only thing you can do is ask them directly. Also I'm pretty sure that guy's who are as shy as that will be glad that you make the first move.

    That being said 95% of the times this should just come naturally honestly, that might be disappointing that there is no fool proof way to know instantly when someone likes you but that's just how it is. The most important thing in getting to know if someone likes you or not is knowing how to flirt and based on how they react to you flirting (whether they just laugh it off or start flirting back) you can usually tell if there is any kind of a mutual attraction or not.

    And that's exactly what I do when I want to find out if a girl likes me back or not, I start flirting with them and being playful in general and how they respond to it. Of course there are some people who love flirting and will do it back even if they're not interested but those people are a minority.

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    • ''Also I'm pretty sure that guy's who are as shy as that will be glad that you make the first move.''
      Exactly.. they aren't going to label you as a slut or anything negative... they are the last dudes that would do that.

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    • @Anonhummus lol dude, I've had that. I'm basically socially inept. Or at least I WAS. I get anxiety semi attacks in public settings. I NEVER talked to anyone first. I've asked men out, swallow my pride and shit. And yes, we get labeled easy or slutty. Like damn, I asked you out in a date not to blow you lol

      I don't like that. I prefer if they told me what they're thinking, even if it's something bad. Be direct. That's all I ask for

    • Who labelled you as that? The person? A friend? I've never heard anyone say that to a girl because she approached a guy (not saying it doesn't happen though).

  • I never know when a girl likes me. Whenever I think a girl likes me she doesn't. Whenever I thought a girl didn't like me it turns out she did.

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  • I'm surprised you approached. That's really the way to do it. No reasonable adult would call you a conceited slut for assuming someone might have feelings for you.

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  • im not shy so i will ask her

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    • Lol how do you know if a woman likes you then?

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    • So you don't ask them out until you've already talked to them? So no cold approach I guess?

    • i need to know i like them first but usually in the past i have met most girls out in bars and clubs anyway so was already out

  • Look for extra extra. Shy guys betray their feelings through actions. If you notice they are shy, they extra shy with someone they like. They are extra silent, or maybe extra careful. If you observe their normal behavior vs with someone they might like, you'll see patterns and clues. If they act a little bit different, you've got the clue.

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  • I assume women don't like me unless they go out of their way to be friendly, but when they do that, if I ask them out, they give me the "you're a nice guy, BUT..." speech.

    So I guess that means I'm ugly.

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    • I will catch some randomly looking at me (not every time i go out but occasionally)... sometimes they smile. Never had a woman around my age initiate any KIND of conversation whether its the time or giving directions...

    • @Anonhummus Same. Never. I can count how many times girls have been nice to me on my fingers.

  • I dont know if a woman likes me. I feel like a soldier walking through a minefield.

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  • If any guy likes you, shy or otherwise, his body language will show it. It can't be hidden as it is a natural reaction. The secret is for the lady to recognise the signs, no matter how subtle they are. If he likes you, they WILL be there.

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    • Ok, what are they?

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    • Lol I've had That. I'm usually good at reading when someone is interested in me. But with shy guys, they give you signs and whatnot. And then it's like "uh uh uh, I'm not interested" I'm like well damn mofo. Then stop staring at me with those puppy dog eyes as if you're eager for me lol

    • If they see you have noticed, they will do some little thing like get their phone out and look at it. They might open a bag and put their hand in it. They may not actually take anything out. It's just to try and reduce the attention they're getting.

  • When you meet someone out usually you can tell when your talking to them. It's eye contact, smiling, laughing, and them bejng active in conversation. You talk to the point of asking for their number so you can go out for a drink or dinner so you can get to know eachother better. You'll either get the person number of not. From there on out its up to you to keep then interested.

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  • When my face is flushed , my hearts pitter pattering so girls know
    I'm too shy to talk to her but yet my facial expressions usually
    give it away that I like her.. I look for signs of nervousness. When a
    girl likes me, she will play with her hair while looking at me.. She may
    talk a lot to me or keep staring at me.

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  • There's no surefire way to know if a guy/girl likes you, shy or otherwise. You just have to go off of intuition and prepare to be utterly wrong.

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    • And how can you "guess"

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    • Wasn't expecting it to be helpful. Honestly, no one will be able to help you because there's no certain answers. You either take a risk or you don't and play it safe. That's as simple as it is. There are no silver bullets.

    • I'm not looking for silver bullets, just alternative methods lol its not like there's a surefire, full proof way to tell. But there has to be more than just blind guessing

  • Girl can have a crush on me for years and i won't have a clue, actually it happened before. My girlfriend approached me and thats how we ended up together otherwise i still would have no clue that she likes me lol.

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  • I don't know anymore I'm dead inside

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    • Aren't we all? owo

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    • That's too much I'm poor😭 can I have a few crumbs instead

    • Nothing in life is free :^)

  • I have never had a girl openly like me romantically. But since I am a shy guy, I tend to get really nervous and zone out easy when a girl I like is around me. I also tend to blush more and stutter

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  • you ask

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  • One thing I have noticed about shy girls is that while they may struggle to maintain eye contact when sober, when they start drinking they will likely hold eye contact easily.

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  • The fuk is ur profile pic?

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  • Any guy even the shy ones if they are comfortable around you will take the piss out of you at certain times and situations

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  • It's all in the body language

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  • Nobody likes me.
    #foreveralone

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  • I know a girl likes me when she smiles at me, or comes to talk to me, or looks at me from the other side of the room, or messes up her words when talking which is cute. etc
    And the obvious stuff, like I had one girl in a pub started touching my chest. lol

    As for shy guys, that's the problem, they normally won't say anything. Also maybe try a different approach. For example when guys ask "please date me" they get rejected left and right, but when they have a normal funny conversation with a girl they get much better results.

    Maybe also try meeting a guy online?

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  • When I studied in middle school and high school I was directly rejected twice by the girls whom I really liked. I also didn't have good relations with my classmates and problems in relations with my parents. All of that made me feel insecure and I started to avoid any romantic relations. But I started to observe girls behavior. I read some psychological books about girls behavior. I observed how girls act when they are aroused, how they act when they are bored, how they act when they like someone, how they act when they are interested in someone. Both guys and girls should understand that at first a person whom you like most probably would not have the same feeling to you. Love comes only to those struggling for it. So, people usually assess someone's attractiveness and compatibility and then make a decision whether they are going to date with this person or not. So, they use brain to decide, not their heart.

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    • Secondly, a guy/girl can reject you not because you are unattractive but because of stress or psychological trauma. When a single person feels stress, he/she may be not interested in romantic relationship at all.
      Thirdly, you should attract his/her attention. Even if you think that you are not attractive enough you still can attract his/her attention by your outstanding and caring behavior
      Fourthly, guys are those who should make the first step. Girls can help to create necessary conditions for that but it should be a guy who asks a girl out.

      When girls like someone they show their interest by staring at their crush, trying to talk to him or trying to get some information about him.

  • Unless it's obvious i'm fairly sure me and most guys don't.
    If there hitting on you there guessing you are interested or taking a gamble and trying their luck or some guys though generally not shy flirt naturally or some just normally get positive responses and assume or a mix of all of them.

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  • they talk to you

    even shy guys, who want you enough, will TALK to you

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    • That's not enough of a sign

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    • You're being willfully misleading lol not nice

    • no, not at all

  • Ask if they think you are cute. If they are not interested, they will say no. If they are, they will blush and look away. Duh.

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  • For me they will never know. I'm so shy to the point I make sure I don't give off any signs.

    I never know if a girl likes me unless she blatantly stares at me a lot. Even then I think she might just be judging me for something and not interested.

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    • It's incredibly frustrating and annoying. Have you ever been in a relationship?

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    • How so?

What Girls Said 4

  • Just read your story about the guy who you sat next to, gave you signs he was interested, but then he did a 180 when you asked him out.

    Just a thought, but maybe shy guys get deer in the headlights when you say the actual words and do the "asking out?" If he was comfortable, interested, and all the signs were there, I'm kinda thinking maybe he heard "you want to go out with me" and in his head it was "oh, fuck! She asked. I don't know what to say. What do we do? When? I have no idea what to say or do next. She probably thinks I'm an idiot. I'm just sitting here, and I'm blushing, and holy shit. Abort... abort... abort." (with flashing lights and sirens and all that crap too, lmao)

    Sometimes shy people are cool at the subtle stuff, but then the idea of "going out" is just overwhelming. Kinda like when you're shy and you get called on to answer out loud or stand in front of the class. Brain goes fucking nutty, and you either can't say anything, or you say something weird, or. It's pressure. Maybe try with a shy guy to just ask kinda sideways? Like study after school for whatever class you guys were in together first, then after that, meet somewhere else or on a weekend, then go from there? Not so scary or overwhelming.

    I don't know, just thoughts.

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    • Hmmm. I considered that, but it seems arrogant to think that I'd make anyone that nervous lol

  • That's the thing about shy guys. You don't know unless YOU ask cuz they won't, and if you don't, you waste a lot of time, cuz shy guys don't give good signals cuz they don't know how to talk to people.

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    • They don't know what is and isn't normal. They are quite often to some degree socially inept. I was one once. I simply didn't know how to signal interest without creeping girls out...

  • Keep talking to them and see what they respond to. Very often if they aren't, then it's because they have mental illness. Just gotta leave it there and move on.

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  • I have 6th sense.

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