Will he still want me?

[Anonymous]

If a girl sleeps with a guy too soon, what are the chances the guy is going to want a relationship with her? and how can a girl tell if the guy is into her or just wants to get laid again?

[SteveSmith1985]

Here's how it works. So first... it's not like he won't want you if you sleep with him early but you still click. Like if you've already slept with him. Don't worry too much.

If you haven't. You might want to wait. It depends on where you are in your situation though. So I'm gonna just explain the thinking, and you can figure out what your best move is.

Ok, so lets say I go out on a first date. So we don't know each other, but the date goes well, and at the end of the night... you invite me up for "coffee".

So basically, what's happened now, is that this guy assumes that you have sex with anyone and everyone you go out on one date with. Because... you don't know me... I'm not special to you... I'm literally a guy you liked enough to let me take you out on a date. So if you slept with that random who meant nothing (me). Why wouldn't you do that with any other random stranger you went out on a date with.

So a girl like that, gets automatically thrown into the "not girlfriend material" pile. Because... girls like that are fun... but... if you want something substantial or meaningful... she's the very last girl you'd pick.

That is essentially the potential pitfall to sleeping with a guy too soon. it says something about you IN SOME CASES.

Now, I'm not going to try and defend that thinking as correct, fair, or morally right. But that is the way any guy I've ever talked to looks at it.

So your situation might be different in a way that makes this same pitfall disappear. Maybe this is a guy you're friends with, and taking to another level. In that case, go ahead and sleep with him as soon as you want with no problem. That guy already knows you, plus he's not some random stranger you're fucking. He's someone who DOES mean something to you. He is someone who IS special to you.

Just as an example of how this DOESN"T apply in so many different situations.

What it comes down to is: Guys don't consider sluts girlfriend material. Give the guy the impression you're slutty... and get thrown out of consideration for anything but meaningless fun. And it's certainly possible to give a guy that impression when it's not even the case (sex on the first date is an example of that. That girl almost certainly doesn't actually fuck every guy she goes out with once. But... it makes more sense to assume she does than assume she doesn't. And you won't get any benefit of the doubt unfortunately)

Also, it's not like there's no recovering from giving the guy the wrong impression. All you need to do is to let him get to know you well enough to realize you ARE in fact girlfriend material. He was wrong (which will naturally happen organically with time automatically).

It's just that in a typical "dating" situation... there isn't a natural opportunity to let a guy figure out he was wrong. You just don't get called for a 3rd or 4th date, and part ways with him never realizing he had misjudged you.

In a situation where say, you're in class with the guy... so are going to see him again in the natural course of thigs... then you would have that opportunity to let a guy figure out he was wrong.

So, now you have all the information you need to figure out what makes sense for you. I am not going to defend any of this. This is merely explaining how it is.

[Asker]

WOW! that was a great answer, thank you! Well you see We met and we clicked really really well and I told him before out date that i dont do it on the first date but i caved and he hasn't shown any way that he isn't into me, he actually wants to see me more and spend time doing things outside the bedroom. I dont sleep with every guy and i hope i didn't give him that impression and if i did id like to prove him wrong.

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh you're good. Totally good. Don't even give this another thought. He knows you're girlfriend material. You don't need to worry about losing that "status" either. You're 100% fine. It makes zero difference that you slept with him on the first date. You are past this pitfall. You should literally not worry at all about this. Not in your situation.

[Asker]

Thank you!!!

[Guy13]

It is firstly not good to be hopping into bed with a man you do not know well. If he was a decent guy then he would not pressure you. If there is pressure then you know his intentions are to get laid and probably move on to the next one.

[Asker]

No pressure but it was mutual, it kinda happened on its own. He talks to me all day all the time, etc but i just dont want to be a booty call and get my feelings hurt.

[xCherryKizz]

From the articles i read, there was a study done saying that couples last longer if they had sex after dating for at least a year in.

Honestly it took me 1.5 years to fully figure out if the boyfriend i have is the right one for me in terms of values, financial stability and personality/sexual needs.

If you jump right into sex, it might fizzle out too soon. Thats just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt and dont regret anything

[xCherryKizz]

If he doesn't talk about long term plans like kids or marriage, and doesn't initiate dates with you... he might be just a hit and run

[Asker]

Yeah, he is still very much in contact with me and we talk about all kinds of things.

[BrightBubblyKat]

It might be a mistake. 3 months is a good idea to wait. I’m a woman your age. I know how it is to fall in love and how with lust, one thing can lead to another; and before you know it, you’re on the morning after pill. Unless he’s a good friend, avoid going to his house. But even through heartbreak, you learn your lessons. I’m sorry. You are not a whore. You just made an error in judgment and got caught up like I have.

[BrightBubblyKat]

Are you ok? Do you need to talk about it to another woman your age?

[Asker]

Thanks hun, No i dont feel gross or upset about it. He is a really great guy and we talk all the time now, we both really are into eachother and we both wanted to do it so there is no judgement. I am on birth control and it wasn't a one night stand, i just didn't want to come across as someone who is easy, you know?

[BrightBubblyKat]

Well you’re not easy. Things just happen when you’re not ‘that kind of girl.’ The same with me.

[Asker]

Exactly, we are all human and these things happen. Lets see what happens :-)

[BrightBubblyKat]

Yes true 😊

[Anonymous]

Too soon isn't the issue. He may only consider you "not relationship" material if he thinks you made a habit of doing that with other guys. If you clicked though, he's unlikely to think that.