I’m obsessed with my bf’s ex, what to do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was a womanizer & he’s been with so many women. However, there’s this 1 woman that was staying with him before for 2 months in 2018 & he considered her as an “ex”.

November 2019, he moved to another city & we met. We started to get to know each other then on Jan 2020, this same woman came & was staying with us for 2 months. I was uncomfortable about it so he moved her to his other properties…for FREE.

Until now, it keeps bugging me. How he allowed her to stay with us, ate with us, let her stay at his other place for free, even took her to the beach & mall 1x. But when I told him about it, he said that if he still had feeling for her, he wouldn’t have let her stay with us & that he just considered her as a friend.

It bothers me so much that I become obsessed with her. Even until now, I still check her social medias & I even imagine a scene in my head about how happy her & my boyfriend would be if he never meets me.
What do you guys think? Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Have you seen sex and the city? If so, remember the episode where Samantha was so afraid of Richard cheating and losing him that she was literally running to his room to try and catch him cheating? He wasn’t cheating, but in that moment of busting into his room, drenched in sweat from racing up flights of stairs to catch him, she realized the damage she was doing to herself, and said to him ‘I love you, but I love me more’. What’s my point in mentioning this? It’s that sometimes you have to know when to stop. You can’t spend the rest of your foreseeable future with him worrying about another woman. You can’t spend your days obsessed with her, driving yourself crazy and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. No one can tell you what to do, but I will say this — if he were ever going to cheat, you can’t stop him. So why will it into existence? Focus on yourself.

[BlackBeauty90]

You're like somebody buying a well used car and crying when it breaks down despite being told by the salesperson it breaks down every 3 months. In short, you're not that smart.

You knew he was a womanizer, which means having multiple women at the same time generally, and you got involved with him. You're crying about something that likely was going to happen at some point. Even if he isn't cheating on you with her, he's a womanizer and this is what they do.

So you could either put up with it like a fool. Or you can grow a spine and tell him that unfortunately this isn't going to work and break up.

Because bluntly even if he isn't cheating you're never going to trust him because of his history. And that's not any way to have a relationship.

[Guy13]

Yeah, what he did was not normal. It was also disrespectful to both you and the relationship. Body counters snd hoppers are usually unable to form long-term relationships. You should let them go.

[Asker]

I know that I should move on but I just love him very much. I know it’s gonna be so hard & I’m not ready yet.

But, it’s been 3 years & I’m still obsessed & holding grudges 🥲 I feel like I’m going crazy for real.

[Guy13]

Perhaps, a counselor woukd be a good idea.

[Asker]

Should me & him go together you think? Or just me is ok?

[Anonymous]

If you can't deal with the fact that he is a f-boy or was, then you should dump him before you invest anymore. People rarely change, so the past is indicative of what may happen with you.

[MzAsh]

That’s the price for getting with a womanizer. It’s bugging you because you know he’s not changed. Him blowing off your concerns proves it.

[FilmGuy93]

Of course it’s not normal. Stop letting your insecurities rule your mind. You’re there, specifically because they weren’t happy together.

[WhitneySnow]

You’re jealous. I would be too if I had a boyfriend who was a player.

[rienna888]

Yes it’s wrong because she’s an ex and it makes you uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

He is with you though not her, she is just a friend since he didn’t break up with you to be with her again so there’s nothing really going on, you’re probably wasting your time thinking about it

[ThomasDavid1989]

I think you're getting in over your head with this guy

[In_Trance]

seek help