Do you really think there is someone out there for you?

Question

So am i dont think i found somebody i know i am only 17 but i can't stop thinking when ever i am attracted to a guy or admire them that they only see me as a young girl or a sister i know i like 20-22 guys because they will see me as young and i always picture them hugging me were i will feel safe and loved and that is because my dad was never really present and i try to find those emotions in a love relationship what should i do how can i fill this gap because i know it will never be filled by anyone even my dad
Something else my grandpa died when i was young and he was my dad figure i always thought of him as my dad when he died i never found anyone my dad a guy a brother nothing

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I hope there's someone out there for me.

It really touched me to read what you wrote here. It really got to me actually.

I think that there is someone out there for you. I think that eventually, you will find some of the safety and comfort you're seeking from the right guy.

I think, however, that girls like you have to walk an extremely precarious path.

You are quite self-aware that you've got this giant emotional "hole" left by the absence of your father, and the loss of your grandpa. It's honestly heart breaking to read. But you are exactly right in your self-analysis.

You're someone with a whole lot of love to give a romantic partner. In fact, in a way, you've got MORE love to give than most girls. You aren't wrong about seeking some aspects of your missing connection with a father figure being something you're looking for in the guys you like.

That can be a great thing. It can mean that you're an amazing partner for the right guy. He's going to be loved in a very deep way, because the right guy WILL provide you with SOME of the aspects of the type of fatherly relationship. The fact that you are craving (or missing) that fatherly type relationship so strongly makes this fraught with danger. So much freaking danger.

You have a difficulty that "most girls" haven't got.

Because you have so much love to give to anyone who is able to fulfil aspects of that role for you. You are going to be someone who loves the hell out of a guy who is able to fulfil some of that role for you.

But it's really important to keep in mind, that a partner is NOT a father figure. There are absolutely paternal aspects to a romantic relationship and the comfort a woman can find in her partner. There's no doubt about that. Nonetheless they are NOT your father, and... honestly, it's a really fine-line for anyone to make sure that's kept to a healthy level. That goes for everybody. Not just someone lacking a father figure.

If you think about a lot of the ways a bad guy is "bad" to a woman in the context of a relationship... a lot of the time (not always) it's basically... a guy trying to "pretend" to be his girlfriend's father, in ways that are super-inapropriate. The guys I'm thinking of are generally of the "controlling" type. The kind of boyfriend who might tell you not to talk to any other guys; or who expects you to check-in-with-him, or who tries to tell you what to wear etc. All of that bullshit is basically a boyfriend very inapropriately trying to be his girlfriend's father.

Unfortunately it's not only those (fairly obvious) examples of shitty guys you need to worrry about (although they're the most dangerous for you).

The biggest problem, is that you find a guy... whose not a straight-up "bad" guy... like he has good intentions and genuinely cares for you... but...

He's just... a fuck-up, a shitty guy (although not "bad"), just the kind of going-nowhere idiot who is completely beneath you. You know those weird mis-match couples? (especially around your age) where the girl is a great girl, but her boyfriend is... just a dumbass who has no business being with the kind of girl he's with. The kind of guys that a girl's father is going to hate... just because the guy generally sucks, not for any major specific complaint about his treatment of you. I feel like you can picture the type of guy I'm talking about.

That guy... is your more likely pitfall. If you come to feel like a guy like that really cares deeply for you, you will grow to really care about him. Too much. More than you should. To your own determent. If a shitty but not "bad" guy can make you feel loved, and provides that emotional support, gives you some of those things you're looking for in terms of a lack of a father figure... but is nonetheless still a kinda shitty dude...

You will be loyal to that idiot for way too long, through way too much bullshit. You'll latch onto that guy because he IS providing you with some of those things your missing... but getting them leaves you blind to the fact that... this guy just isn't... really a great guy for you. He's not awful, but... he's not "the right person" for you. Being able to "fill that emotional hole" for you; is going to make you love the hell out of him.

But... if you direct your affection on a good guy--the right guy... then holy shit are you ever going to make an excellent girlfriend. You've got all that love to give to a guy who (partially) fills that role for you. That is such a great thing, if you pick the right guy. You'll really feel whole in a way you haven't since at least before the loss of your grandfather.

I really do think that there is someone out there for you. I think you're going to feel someone walk-into the role you envision your future partner occupying (so far as the father figure aspect of things go).

What I worry about, is that for most of us... you have to THINK you're right about the "right person for you" before you actually find them. That's pretty universal. I just hope that you are able to pick a good guy, who is going to treat you right. It's so so easy for you to go wrong with all that love to give; and to give it to someone undeserving. That has the potential to go really really badly for you if you happen to think a bad guy is a nice guy (and that's a very common thing most women will experience first-hand).

You need to be really really careful about who you choose to love. More careful than most people. This can go one of two ways for you. It very much depends on the guys you choose to turn your affections to. It's impossible for any woman to recognize all the wolves-in-sheep's-clothing. Some of the worst guys are unbelievably good at convincing you they're a great guy. They're almost impossible to completely guard against. But you need to be careful. You need to be especially alert to make sure you do your best to only give your heart to a guy (or guys... if the first one doesn't work out) who deserves it.

I hope you find yourself that great guy you deserve. He's out there. (just don't be dating some stupid asshole when your paths cross. Choose carefully) 🙂

RavVid · Accepted Answer

There are two factors here. The age of consent in your locale and when you are legally an adult in your locale. Most guys would avoid girls under the AoC because you can go to jail if you don't. Being a legal adult is a factor, since you are then more on a par with 20-22 guys.

Even now you are pretty close to those thresholds. AoC is 16 in most places.

You might get criticism for wanting a man's love and care from some quarters. Hope not. Just don't let it make you think any guy is ok, do be discriminating I'd counsel. You might not be sexually experienced yet so I'll offer some words on that also.

As you want love and care don't hand out sex freely. You won't get love from being an easy lay. You will most likely get love and care from a guy that likes you enough to wait till you feel comfortable and desire for him. Puberty hits boys like a hammer and as soon as we start getting erections we want to use them. Most boys are really more interested in getting in than anything else. So I do think you need to be discriminating.

Be a jewel for the right guy rather than that hot girl for every guy. Then you will be valued and loved instead of getting only lust.

All the best!

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Oh no, I gave up hope years ago. And you know what-

I'm okay with that. Contrary to what fairy tales and social media claim, NO, there is not someone out there for everyone. People just don't want to hear that. Not everyone is capable, able, or lucky enough to find "the one." It could be due to several reasons: from bad luck, location, personality... or you're unattractive (and not just physically either).

I've accepted that I'm happier single than trying to stress myself out trying to date, only to be hurt and/or disappointed later. So I rather not bother anymore. If someone really is out there for me? Cool. But I'm not going to stress over it.

menina · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. I know it's easier said than done, but don't look for love in a man. He will never replace the role of a good father. Hopefully you'll find someone who loves you, but you'll never get that love. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh towards you, trust me I know where you're coming from.

You're 17, you have plenty of time to find a boyfriend and get married. For now, just focus on yourself, focus on school, your friends, your family and have fun. Don't rush it.

Good luck! :)

Pinay_ako · Answer

Yes there is someone out there for you and me. When I was your age, I always dreamt about meeting someone out there who’ll fall in love with me for me. And it came true.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Yes, there is someone for me, but she's not "out there." She is by my side and she accepted my marriage proposal two weeks ago.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I believe God sets up opportunities and potential opportunities for the followers or servants. I think that no matter my age, I can get a righteous man when I am ready for one.

CrypticMoon · Answer

I grew up very similarly to you. My grandpa was my father figure but died in my high school years. I had a horrible step-dad growing up and my bio dad was nowhere to be seen. I desperately wanted love but looked in the wrong places and got taken advantage of by some very awful people. And then I met my husband.

I've been married to him for 3 years now, and I truly believe that we are each others people. We lean on each other for love and support, he encourages and inspires me. I love him so, so very much. But I had to go through my early 20s, and boy it was rough. You probably won't find the person of your dreams right now, and that's okay. You have so much growing and learning still, there's a whole version of yourself you need to discover as you enter the world as an adult. Take the time to date, to make connections, to discover yourself and what you want out of life, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your boundaries and needs.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Sorry to hear about your dad. You should be careful about looking for these things in a man because it makes it very easy for them to manipulate you.

That said, I think there's probably plenty of guys who could fill that void for you.

I don't know if there's anyone for me. Im a pretty strange guy if I'm being honest which that right there makes things a little harder. I grew up without feeling like I had anyone on my side. I was cooking for myself doing my own laundry, buying my own things and hustling by the time I was about 9.

I'd like to find someone who has enough confidence in themself to see us as equals. Someone who doesn't feel like they're putting up with my crazy schedules. If anything I want her to have crazy and impossible ideas too. I love moving mountains.

I'm wishing you luck

miadee · Answer

Shallow people tend to lebel it as "daddy issues" or "needy" ... Looking for safety, comfort, love, protection from your man shouldn't be and "issue". Your man should be your safezone. Your man should be the one who comforts you.

Not every woman has to seek for the most fuy, the adventurous or the biggest dick-ed guy.. It is totally okay that seeking safety, compassion and love from your man. As long as you're self aware, as long as you're connected to your own personality, your own feelings, needs and wants; you'll be with the right guy

Different personalities has diffrent priorities

BCA6010 · Answer

You will more than likely change your mind (probably several times) over the next 7-8 years on what exactly you're looking for in a man. The teen years aren't it; your odds of meeting someone stable and of quality are extremely low at that age, so I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Adaeva · Answer

If you are seeking a father figure it will be difficult because other than family, older men are not allowed to be around teenage girls. One solution if find a friend that lives with both parents that you can visit a lot. He is allowed to be you provided his wife or daughter is present. After a while he will act as a substitute father.

If you are looking for a husband, there are lots of guys age up to age 22, and some even older, that would love to date you. And, if you wait a year, provided you are not a slut that has sex within the first half dozen dates, there will be lots of guys, even guys in their 30s that will marry you.

strlb · Answer

💯 there is someone out there for everyone. Just need to be active in thongs that you enjoy doing and low and behold you'll connect with someone. Keep your head up and stay positive you have a long life ahead of you to find the perfect match. Best of luck!

JordanianNumetal · Answer

Be very careful. your 17 and your not legal age for anything. Dont be in such a hurry, wait until you find the right guy a little closer to your age. You need to know that its ok to be alone, you need to realize that in order for someone to respect you, you have to respect yourself. You have to find the missing pieces from within yourself, because no one will ever be able to provide you with self confidence but yourself.

Softlife808 · Answer

You're not going to find someone being desperate and clingy. You're 17 years old focus on getting an education, making friends and having a life. People who don't have friends or a life tend to do what you're doing. A man is not responsible and should not be held accountable for your insecurities and lack of happiness in your life. Fix yourself first

Anonymous · Answer

Hope? Yes.

Do I think (perhaps partly out of desperation) that I may end up with someone? It’s a possibility.

Am I sure? No. Do I have confidence that I will find someone that will be the things I look for (and who will remain most of those things)? I have to wonder. I have yet to see it come my way.

I MAY find someone temporarily that SEEMS like those great things, but then she turns mean early on… or she waits until marriage and then stops trying to “hook me.” And becomes a different person.

I’ve been burned enough to be really cautious, and I don’t know if a woman will be a part of that. So far, most women haven’t been interested.

wannabecuck-2 · Answer

I dont think there is anyone at the humans are flawed everyone cheats. Nothing stays forever u die alone only its all worthless love and all its just hormones. People break trust. For people with options its easy the ones that dont have any like me have to try hard to win even the ladys that have crush on someonelese and even if u value them they treat u like an option. Why even try on such peices of people when u know they re treating u like shit knowing that u re treating them great why even try better stay alone at least u ll have no expectation and die happily spending money and time and energy on urself and ur hobbies unlike the ones that dont value u lie to u and dis respect u contineously given that u had option like them also but they still treat u like scum.

NO I DONT THINK there's ANYONE FOR ME I AM MADE TO DIE ALONE.

Ihateyou524 · Answer

I found that one person.. she just doesn't feel the same way..

Your 17 don't worry about finding the one enjoy your teens.. when u hit your mid 20s and have more life experience (that only comes with time and a fully developed brain) avg 22 f 25m give or take

Rikoreee · Answer

if he/she special, thats the one. i more often go with something special. they are worth fighting for. cz people with characters are often meet, they are common. but a reason that makes some one special thats worth it. met some many gurls and i haven't even dated anyone of them cz i dont see it, but lately i seen this gurl who is so special, no matter how people hurt or break her heart she still cares about them and she is always there for them who hurts. thats something good i saw in her. that makes her special. she's worth fighting for :).

she's deserves to be loved :3

Daniela1982 · Answer

The thing is, that if there is you would have to run into them. What are the odds? 6 billion to one? I think your odds of shitting green cucumbers is better odds. Think of all the people who get divorced and then ask that question again.

codddyyy · Answer

no... its sucks to hear and realize but at least for a man (speaking from my perspective as one) dating is hard alone as it is especially if your not good looking the only reason i add that is think about how many people you'll meet in your life and how many people are in the world that have to fits all this specific's in order for you to meet what are the chance's in the few years of your life you'll meet the "right" person? first they have to be accessible to you so live in your city if your not moving around all the time which most aren't then they have to be single then they have to have actual interest in you if you just do the math's the chances are crazy unlikely your better trying the lottery. I think the numbers aren't on your side or mine i should say I don't know you but i think its highly unlikely for most people you'll ever meet this "one" maybe they are out there but the likely hood you'll ever meet them at the right time to is astronomical

melanieeeB · Answer

Honey just wait until you're a little older, you will for sure find someone but it just takes time

Mimi_758 · Answer

Yes, there is a perfect match for you somewhere out there you just have to be patient, and sooner or later you will find him/her 💟

cth2188 · Answer

No I have too many beliefs and restricted finding what I'm after is a needle in a haystack. So to answer the question no unless I traveled overseas.

Do you really think there is someone out there for you?

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