Do you think jealous and possessive are the same things?

[Anonymous]

I am possessive. I've never dated but when I do I will not be jealous of him looking at instagram models. As long as he's loyal and I'm his only female friend then I'm fine.

[TruthBringer]

No, they are not the same thing.

Jealousy is the envy of someone for having something you lack. Whereas possessiveness means you are protective about that which you do have.

You have every right to have an issue with your man having female friends. Although I'd personally make sure to find a man who doesn't have them, in the first place. It's very rare for men and women to be truly platonic. You are entitled to have the preference. Both my girlfriend and I don't have friends of the opposite sex and we've never had drama that is notoriously caused by friends of the opposite sex. Stable relationships are key to a happy love-life.

[lightbulb27]

maybe on the spectrum but different. Both seem related to control, which is... fear. Jealous relates to trust. you are trusting, you just don't want to lose. that sounds like fear of loss.

none of it is love... because it's related to negative energies.

It's the fall of mankind and thus our wounding in life. find the childhood wounds... fix those, these negative emotions have less power!

It's certainly real though, I trust my wife, I don't go around controlling her or possessing, but I don't want anyone intimate with her. So sounds "normal"/healthy, just don't want extremes.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

they kind of go hand in hand but you can be jealous without being possessive but possessiveness almost always comes from a place of jealously if not then, insecurity.

[aceleon]

if a guy is not possesive or jealous then he is not a man

[sheenagwapa]

you have no right because you are just a friend unless this friend of yours is monitoring you nakee

[OlderAndWiser]

So the guys you date will not be allowed to have female friends?

[Asker]

The guyS?
I will date only one man.
And no he shouldn't. That is such a turn off when a man has female friends.

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't know if the answer to that question is culturally determined, but in my sphere, there are many men and women who would absolutely refuse to date someone if that meant they could not have opposite sex friends.

[Asker]

Lol. Ok.
It makes no sense why a taken man would need female friends

[OlderAndWiser]

He doesn't need them as friends BECAUSE they are female, but they are friends who just happen to be female. I have had female platonic friends and nothing sexual was ever done by me or them.

[Asker]

I did mean platonic friends.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, that's how I understood your comments. In my culture, most people will say that if you don't want your partner to have opposite sex friends, it is a reflection of your jealousy and insecurities. In other cultures, your attitude may be quite normal.

[Asker]

I find it pathetic that a man has female friends. To me it's not masculine. That is why I said it's a turn off.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you see it as an un-masculine rait, then you should avoid guys who want to have female friends. But telling your partners who they are allowed to have as friends will probably not work very well with most people.

[Asker]

But why would he need female friends if he has a girlfriend?

[OlderAndWiser]

I answered this previously. He doesn't need them as friends BECAUSE they are female. He needs friends, and some of them just happen to be female. I have had female platonic friends and nothing sexual was ever done by me or them.

[Asker]

Still the fact that he sees no difference between female and male friends is a red flag.

[OlderAndWiser]

The fact that he can be a purely platonic friend wth a female means that, in the future, he s more likely to _________. Please fill in the blank. What is it that you fear?

[Asker]

The fact that he even has a platonic female friend makes him not masculine.
It's about the present not the future.

[loveslongnails]

" As long as... I'm his only female friend then I'm fine." So you expect your man to have no women friends ever again after he dates you, including the ones he had before he met you? He's supposed to dump any females friends and not talk to them anymore, even if they've been friends since childhood, all because he now met you? Am I understand that correctly?

[loveslongnails]

*** typo.. understanding ***

[Asker]

To me the fact that he even has female friends is itself a turn off. I doubt I would even date him.

[loveslongnails]

This explains a lot about why you're 34 and never dated. Wow. Men don't want women who are so insecure they can't accept he could have a friend who's... oh my God, female, even one he might have grown up with and known all his life.

[Asker]

37*
It's not insecurity. It's lame that he has female friends. He can have male friends all he wants. I like it. But a man who has a platonic female friend is a turn off. Why woul

[Asker]

Why would he even need a female friend?

[loveslongnails]

A side thought - just pondering - if a man ever should ask you out, is your first question "Do you have any platonic female friends"?

It's PURE insecurity based on fear and feelings of self-inadequacy. It's 2023, girl, not the 1400's.
It's a turn-off to you BECAUSE you're too insecure, too possessive, and too jealous to accept that a man could have a female friend just as easily as he could a male friend - all because you're afraid you'd LOSE HIM to her in a moment of seduction or male weakness. You label it "lame" to justify your fears.

Ironically, you claim to value a man who's a "real man", yet you actually think that real men have no use for a female friend, but they'd be willing to have you as the ONLY female in their life? Or they'd let you dictate who ANY of their friends could be? Wow... now I understand why you're 37 and have not dated.

[loveslongnails]

What do you do with ANY friend, Marish? You enjoy their company, or conversation, or activities, or a meal, or whatever... because you like them!! It's not a need. Why do "need" any friends?

[Asker]

38*
It's not fear or jealousy. I see no masculinity in having a female friend. Why would he even need a female friend? To hang out, go to cinema, shoppibg, beauty salons? Why?
What would he talk to her about? Gossiping about his exes or current girlfriend? Talking about cars? Lol a female friend is so useless for a masculine man unless he wants to date her.

[AdithyaR]

Not exactly the same but they do stem from similar sources.
Jealousy is a feeling, it can come and go.
Possessiveness is a personality or character trait and it more like to be visible in a lot of aspects in the person's life.

Jealousy can sometimes be silent and harmless but possessiveness is almost always a problem.

[NathanDavis]

nope... an ex-girlfriend of mine was a little bit jelly in the start of our relationship

but she was never possessive... and that was one of the big reasons why we made it work so well, and got over that minor bump at the start... lol

[btsfan]

no, jealous is wishing you were someone or had what they do, it doesn't have to be their person, while possessive is needing to have the person or thing they have and wanting it to yourself

[alearningboy]

Well I like possessive girls, if she doesn't want me to talk with other girls then i wouldn't. If she likes to have control in the relationship then i would let her😊

[Asker]

Should she have friends?

[alearningboy]

She has me right

[ColHathi]

Definitely not. Though I'd probably say both are bad in their own ways.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

No. Jealousy can be a short thing. Possessive is a trait.

[SilverRain92]

It's normal here for men to have female friends and for females to have male friends

[Anonymous]

Lol, oh I thought American men liked you. I guess not 🤣🤡

[Asker]

I never said they liked me but yes they do.

[rabbitzzz]

Is he your only male friend?

[Asker]

I am single. I have no male friend. I am loyal to my future husband.

[roy_ricky09]

Nope... Both are toxic

[Guanfei]

Nope, because you can one, or both.

[Jennz6]

Maybe?