So I was dating a co worker of mine. At first when we first started talking she was the one to initiate everything. We hung out a few times and then she said that we should consider us dating. I was up for it. We went of a few boyfriend/girlfriend type dates and I thought everything was going well. After about 3+ dates she ended up kinda calling us off and said she’d rather just be friends than be something more. She blamed it on prior work relationships not really working out for her.
I said I totally understand but somewhat expressed my sadness. We still talked often via text for the next month and still stay in touch. I’d say our friendship is still very close. Although her excuse was of prior work relationships not working out I feel like it was my fault.
I was playing things slow because we were co workers and never fully expressed my feelings for her. If you get what I mean I never really went above and beyond to make her feel special. in my opinion I feel like I can easily correct this. It’s been about another month or so and we still kinda stay in touch. Although I’ve somewhat moved on I still have some feelings for her. I would like to send one last note just kind of expressing everything that happened and my feelings. In no desperate attempt to really get back with her, but I feel like I have to say something to either close the book or see if there’s still something there after my message. What do you guys think is best and if this is a good or bad idea?
I said I totally understand but somewhat expressed my sadness. We still talked often via text for the next month and still stay in touch. I’d say our friendship is still very close. Although her excuse was of prior work relationships not working out I feel like it was my fault.
I was playing things slow because we were co workers and never fully expressed my feelings for her. If you get what I mean I never really went above and beyond to make her feel special. in my opinion I feel like I can easily correct this. It’s been about another month or so and we still kinda stay in touch. Although I’ve somewhat moved on I still have some feelings for her. I would like to send one last note just kind of expressing everything that happened and my feelings. In no desperate attempt to really get back with her, but I feel like I have to say something to either close the book or see if there’s still something there after my message. What do you guys think is best and if this is a good or bad idea?
What Guys Said
It's understandable that you feel like you need closure and want to express your feelings to your former co-worker. However, before sending a last note, it's important to consider a few things.
First, it's important to respect your co-worker's boundaries and wishes. If she has expressed that she would rather just be friends, it's important to respect that and not push for something more if she's not interested.
Second, it's important to consider the potential consequences of sending the note. If your co-worker is not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you, sending a note expressing your feelings could potentially make things awkward or uncomfortable between you both, especially since you work together.
If you do decide to send a note, it's important to be clear and concise, and to focus on your own feelings and experiences rather than placing blame or pressuring your co-worker. Be respectful and understanding of her boundaries, and be prepared to accept her response, whatever it may be.
The decision to send a note is up to you, but it's important to consider the potential impact on your co-worker and your working relationship. If you do decide to send a note, make sure it's thoughtful, respectful, and considerate of her feelings and boundaries.
Yes totally understand about not putting any pressure on her, which is definitely not my intent. I’ve been working on myself for the last few months and kinda just want mental clarity. I know I could be overthinking the fact that it was my fault in not expressing my feelings towards her which kinda rubbed her away from me. I know she really did like me since she was the one to begin everything in the first place and we kissed. I was always in my own head which fucked me up. I want to leave a note more so to let her know it was my fault and that I’m not expecting anything from her whatever her response is. Just want to let her know that I am a better now than who she was initially dating.
It sounds like you have a good understanding of your intentions and what you want to convey in your last note. If you feel like it's important for you to express yourself and apologize for not being more open and communicative, then it may be worth sending the note.
However, make sure to approach the situation with humility and not with any expectations. It's possible that she may not respond or may not want to rekindle the relationship, and that's something you'll need to be prepared for.
The most important thing is to be respectful and considerate of her feelings and boundaries. If you can do that while expressing your own, then sending the note may be a positive step towards closure and moving forward.