Recently broke up with long term partner of of 5 years. To date it’s been really hot n cold and hard to be round each other (we live in same house at present). Last night , we got talking, he spoke to me and with me like we have always spoken when things were good and we were totally open and communicating really well there was no heavy stuff just enjoying each other’s company - I guess you could say we were definitely happy in each others company. Things just flowed and we ended up having sex. Twice. I am concerned that this will set things into a spiral now , my anxiety is going a bit all over the place at the moment about this. I did send a simple message to him (he works early so I didn’t get to say it to him) that I enjoyed every bit of him last night , and that I hoped he had a good day. My brain will not stop overthinking this whole situation at the moment. Where to next.. I sound like a young girl with a stupid crush, I don’t know if I have expectations of this being a repeat or if I just let it play out. Any advice on how to deal in this situation? I know I need to keep it relaxed otherwise this will go pear shaped. (The intention behind sleeping with him last night was not to get back with him , there was no intention really just wanted to reconnect and well I love him). Ahh what have I done.
I slept with him.. twice?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
You need discipline, self control, wisdom and foresight. Believe it or not, you sleeping with him is one of the best ways to ensure you never get back together. A woman's lack of understanding of how much gravity sex holds is the cause of many relationship problems. Men mostly understand this, but they still go ahead silently making judgements about the woman he's doing it with.
I have a respectful response to my text not gunna lie I’m gutted. But it was respectful. His Response- yeah we clearly both needed that lol, before you go all clingy it was just that though, I still need my own room, and I dont want to change anything just because that’s happened. I never got much sleep last night.
You didn't both need that because what feels good isn't always good for us. There is little point reinforcing a bond when you need to move on. He knows this, but most guys will still allow it because of the pleasure but they can easier detach. This is why women are supposed to be the gatekeepers of sex while men are generally the gatekeepers of relationships / commitment. You said 'The intention behind sleeping with him last night was not to get back with him..'
Often it is very difficult for us to be truly and brutally honest with ourselves, but only the raw truth holds true freedom. I refer you to this quote:
“Wisdom is doing now what you are going to be happy with later on”
― Joyce Meyer '
Thank you - food for thought. Now … after some time today I feel kind of free- if that makes sense. I feel like if I was to look at this like a learning opportunity- it totally shows me that I clearly have feelings that I have to protect. I still maintain there wasn’t an expectation of reconciliation but I do see the exact reasons I wanted him - I wanted our connection back on physical level - I wanted to feel loved - I just stuffed up in who I gave that to. 🙏