My boyfriend and I barely touch, and even though I understand why, it is starting to get to me. What do I do?

Question

He and I are from conservative Indian families. We live with our parents but haven't told them about us yet (it would be a hugggge deal- diff backgrounds etc). We are both in our late 20's and have been dating for only around 7 months now. We are both really busy and get to meet only about once a week. But it's always in a public place like a restaurent, cafe or park, because we literally have nowhere private to go to. And also it's for barely an hour or two. We live in a busy metro but the possibility of running into someone we know and getting into trouble (big Indian families) is really huge, so we double check before even holding hands. Because of this, we rarely hug, let alone kiss. He always tells me how much he loves me, how pretty I am, how much he wants to kiss me, etc, but after one too many times of not being able to do that at all, its just flat now. Touch is my primary love language and I am struggling. I am starting to really feel disconnected with him but I don't want us to become distant because I really really adore this guy, and our relationship is beautiful in all other ways. It's not possible for us to take a day trip, or move out. Booking a hotel room feels really shady. So it feels like we are out of options until we marry, which is INSANE! What do I do?

SueShe · Accepted Answer

Being from different backgrounds makes it very difficult for you and your boyfriend. Now, I presume you are from a tier 1 city and that your parents have probably arranged your marriage when you were a child or at least, have promised you to someone that they deem to be worthy of you.

I know someone here on GaG that would be able to answer you better than anyone else and I hope that person does read my reply.

Now, is your family from the big city or did they move from the countryside into the city earlier in their lives. From what I understand, this type of behavior from your parents is found mainly in the countryside and those that live in big cities do tend to be more tolerant about the background of the potential partner.

You probably have not many options and the only one I really see is that you (and your boyfriend) must talk to your parents and give them your reasons to be with that man and, as an adult, you have the right to make your own choice in terms of whom you want to meet and see. Continuing to see each other behind your parents' back will only lead to more frustration. Good luck.

sheenagwapa · Accepted Answer

my gosh this is toughbecause Jesus is reql... but if you get married yoy are not worshiping Jesus right so it's still the same as if you didn't marry.

life is short dear if you alwaye keep thinking of other peole you will not enjoy life. my sister we wpuld alwats argue about my ex as in horrible argument but i never followed her because when it comes to
my love life it's basically untouchable. i suggest one of you can get a rental room and maybe one of you can but a car and i suggest to not give a fck of your relatives. my own uncle did that to me that she saw me being so sweet with my ex at a mall it was just holding hands and kiss on the forehead and side hug nothing really scandalous and yes i go to my ex apartment but not always and it's not because of other people it's because of me.

i look back in that time of my life and i have zero regrets i didn't follow other people i follow my own judgement

razelove · Accepted Answer

Why not book the hotel? I mean, it doesn't have to be shady, it seems like more so than sex, both of y'all have enormous pressure to have a "secret", which is your relationship. It would not surprise me at all if you, or him hook up with someone your family does approve of, and that you can be with simply to not have that worry anymore.
Make a change, or the situation is going to gradually change until you look up one day and you, or him are gone from it. It could be something as simple as renting the hotel once a month to just have quiet time to hold each other, not even have sex, as y'all haven't slept with each other for over half a year already.
You need some way to plan for a wedding if that's the direction you're going anyway, how will that ever happen if you can't find enough privacy to give each other a kiss?

Leapfrog00 · Accepted Answer

Thats understandable how you feel there. Do you truly love him? This probably doesn't sound like the best advice, but hear me out. William Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet, they forgot about their families and only focused on themselves. even though they died in the end, at least they were still together.

Regardless of your families background, this is about you and your needs. This relationship will never work out if there are things coming in between. Trust me. Meet with him in that hotel. This is your life. No one else's. You will be so much happier if you live for you and not other people.

Anonymous · Answer

Is a marriage highly likely? If yes, you have something very rare and very precious. I’m guessing yes given your culture. This is courtship.

However if no marriage is likely then you both are wasting each others time and torturing each other.

I would bring up marriage sooner than later (if you have real feelings for him). I know your culture is different. But it’s not a bad thing. I’m guessing that’s what he wants if you want it.

There is going to be a lot of pent up desire on the wedding night.

Deep down I really wanted something like this in my youth. I was taught chivalry growing up. But this made me like a lamb to the slaughter house in our ass backward feminist infested and diseased screwed up western culture.

Most western women would assume the man is gay if he act like your boyfriend. She would be secretly getting it hard from some asshole all the while having a guy like this to give her attention and optics she wants.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

You're going to have to both be grown ups and live your lives. If that hurts your family, so be it. There's literally a million little places to go for privacy, and if you're so afraid of someone seeing then maybe you're not mature enough. He's a man, you're a woman. I understand about conservative traditional families, but ultimately it's your life.

UnknownSwede · Answer

I'm from a very different background so it's hard for me to fully understand and relate.

But as people have said before, I think the only real option here would be to actually talk to your parents about it, even if it's really tough to do.

xcooldudue · Answer

Booking a hotel room and trip is not possible so you guys cannot do on streets that will be more problematic. But you can do stuff like keeping your head on his shoulders while you sit in park or travel in vehicles. Holding hands always. Walking holding hands and close. Occasionally public hugs. This will make you guys physically more connected. But if you really want more intense thing then i can booking a room is the only safe option. But as a man he must initiate it.

Adam1978 · Answer

Deal with your family when it comes to that and stop worry about it. And stop hiding your affection.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

You have to push through. Sorry sis lol. Focus on the bigger picture if you really do love each other.

Anonymous · Answer

If you livewith your parents then you shouldn’t be touching lol.  Wait til you’re old enough to live on your own and then revisit your adult life

Iron_Man · Answer

What do you mean by touch are you looking for sex? Or just kissing and holding hands?

shades777 · Answer

Do it in the park, should give your relationship some vigor

Avicenna · Answer

Get married quickly

vj0090 · Answer

Can I dm... Desi girl

Anonymous · Answer

Dump his sorry ass and find a real man.

My boyfriend and I barely touch, and even though I understand why, it is starting to get to me. What do I do?

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