If you’re in love with a guy who has said he only sees you as a hookup, should you tell him?

[Anonymous]

[Paul_in_Indy]

You know him better than we do. How do you expect him to react? …and do you want that?

When I was younger (and more depraved) if a girl I was hooking up with had confessed her love for me, I would have seen it as a chance to get a lot more sex, and push for more sexual exploration, before the thing burned out. I would have tried to squeeze all the pleasure out of her I could.

Now, I would cut her loose as gently and as quickly as I could to limit the damage I might do. I would not stay in touch with her or be friends with her. Nothing good could come from that if I am not going to fall in love with her.

[Paul_in_Indy]

Honestly, I vote for not telling him. You break it off and move on—and don’t connect with him again. He doesn’t need to know why.

[Asker]

I’ve know him for years but he’s so cryptic sometimes; when I’ve brought up emotions about me being confused about things he’s said or why he would want me around if he only considers me to be a hookup he says there’s nothing confusing about the situation and gets annoyed and changes the subject. But clearly I am still confused lol but he doesn’t want to talk about it. I wouldn’t hang around and ask for things let alone hookup with a guy I wasn’t really interested in but it seems like a lot of men aren’t like that. He also knows I don’t have a lot of experience with men so I don’t know why he wouldn’t pick a woman with more experience as a “hookup.”

[Paul_in_Indy]

Hooking up with inexperienced women is extremely exciting.

[sage2021]

You could tell him and he might want to keep you just for sex (a guy has to get rid of his semen, so you will still be good for him to get off). Anything more than that, he's going to want to keep this as they are and use you and you'll never be his girlfriend. That's the part that hurts the most. You will be that girl that loves him, yet you'll never meet his friends or family. He will guide you. He might take you out to eat once in a while, but probably not.
I've walked in your shoes once. After a year and 1/2 of seeing him, when I finally told him I loved him, he looked at me and said "I don't want that" with this horrible look in his face.
Oh well, life's a beach and then you die 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Asker]

I’m sorry that happened to you-you deserve better! I think I am a hopeless romantic and I watch these movies where the man and woman spend a night together and the woman asks “can I stay a bit longer?” and the man says “Stay forever” but in real life that doesn’t happen often :/

[Anonymous]

no. it won't change his perspective of you. this is why hookup culture needs to die. if you want those kinds of things, then be in a relationship with someone who also wants a relationship. don't expect to have sex and not one day catch feelings because sex is the most intimate and closest thing you can do with someone...

[Asker]

He says he wants a relationship just not with me :/

[Opinion Owner]

that is pretty harsh i'm sorry!

[Anonymous]

Just because he says he sees you as a hookup does not mean that he is not in love with you. Personally, I could never hookup with a girl that I wasn’t in love with. But just because I am in love with her, does not mean that I don’t love other girls. The world is full of beautiful, attractive girls, and I love many of them.

That is why they remain a “hookup”, not because I don’t love them. If I could marry them all, I would. The problem is that girls always want you to reject every other girl besides them. So, tell him by all means, but it might not change anything.

[Asker]

I feel like he doesn’t love me though because the last time something happened between us he said I should look for someone with whom I feel a connection with-I don’t know why he would think that there is no connection if we are hooking up

[OlderAndWiser]

What would you hope to accomplish by telling him?

[Asker]

I guess I hope he would start to think of me as something more if he knew how much I loved him but maybe it is just wishful thinking

[OlderAndWiser]

He has already told you that he sees you as nothing more than a body to be used for his sexual gratification, without regard for however that may affect you. That sounds harsh but it is the essence of what he said. Don’t tell yourself that your best hope for a future is with this guy.

It isn’t!

[ChipTooth]

I think You should say something, I mean sex even a just a one time is an ice breaker opens up channels for convocation and just having fun I don't see the restriction of talking to them about it. I'd try and keep yourself guarded your heart at least when asking about, Men are sometimes blunt but just letting yourself be known and Your feelings may put them in a awkward position maybe not but If you don't go to find out that "what if" may plague your mind even if it's a straight up no You'll know where YOU stand.

[TheThingALing]

Preach sista ⛪

[crossdressingrihno]

You should just tell him.
He will probably break things off but at least you would have your honesty.
Keeping quiet is basically like taking advantage of the situation.

[MementoMori777]

Nah just move on, there's no point, just cause another opportunity for him to take advantage if you, he said he only sees you for hookups

[MementoMori777]

Of**

[Asker]

I think you’re right I keep wondering what’s wrong with me that he lumped me into a “just a hookup” category-I’m a nice girl who doesn’t party and I don’t usually even talk to men-I just happened to really fall for him :/ He’s had long term relationships before but I guess I need to accept that for whatever reason he doesn’t see me in that way

[MementoMori777]

Yea acceptance is the first step, don't torture yourself over it tho, just separate in any way possible and then start that healing process, I believe you are a nice girl and that would mean you aren't the problem, they are, you just gotta move on so you can find someone worth your time, after all there's plenty of fish in the sea

[Asker]

Thank you, I hope so- I’m kind of worried most guys will just want to hookup and are not interested in relationships-I tried online dating once and got a lot of inappropriate messages so I closed my account and this experience also has made me think it might be hard to find somebody. But for now I’m not going to worry about guys and will try to focus on my friends and hobbies to try to keep my mind off it

[MementoMori777]

Sounds like a good idea Ms anon, but unfortunately it does seem like that's all men wanna do, lots of women as well, hopefully this disgusting trendy lifestyle blows over and people consider relationships more, but one thing I can assure you is that you'll know when you are ready to jump back into the dating game again, but until then enjoy life.

[Anemone978]

You could tell him but he most likely won't care.. that is why you shouldn't get involved in these kind of things..

[Anonymous]

You probably should, but what will happen is that he'll either cut ties with you or, if he is truly a heartless bastard, continue using you for sex knowing he is hurting you.

This is just one of the many problems with hookup culture.

[Asker]

Im really confused because he told me that all of his relationships started off by hooking up and that he usually doesn’t hook up with someone unless he is thinking of a relationship but with me he doesn’t want one which makes me feel kind of bad about myself. I would understand this more if I had like a ton of experience with men and he was put off by it but I really don’t have much experience at all

[Asker]

That’s originally why I started hooking up with him because he told me that all his long-term relationships started out that way but I was probably dumb for believing that

[UnknownSwede]

You could always tell him, but don't expect anything from him. Be prepared that he will just shut you down.

[magiusX26]

unless you are fine with only being a piece of ass, you tell him "goodbye".

[gag37627]

First of all, why do you stay with him

[Asker]

I think because I’m in love with him 😅-It’s not because of how he looks because if he got “uglier” I would still feel the same. I love that he is very passionate about things he is interested in and I always wish he would see me as something more. I’ve known him for years because I used to be close friends with his sister (I’m still friends with her but she moved far away and is married so not as close anymore) and have grown to care for him (the hooking up thing is recent). I am also a giving person and if he asks for something I’ll always provide it like if he wants food I will drop whatever I’m doing to bring it to him etc. but then he hurts my feelings by saying he doesn’t have feelings for me but I don’t know why he wants to hookup or accept things from me if he doesn’t have any feelings but maybe I’m just different that I can’t imagine doing anything without having feelings for someone. Maybe I should let him go but not having him in my life would also hurt since I care about him

[IAmAzzurra]

I think the question was more asking you why you are setting yourself up to be hurt.

As for if you should tell him you’re in love with him. No. No good can come of it.

[gag37627]

Tell him you want a relationship with him. If he doesn't like it, then move on. Simple as that

[Asker]

That’s good advice-I think if I see him again or when he reaches out or I run into him (we live in a small town) I’ll tell him I only want to keep this up if he is willing to be in a relationship with me.

[In_Trance]

What do you plan on telling him?

[Bklynbadboy12]

No don't tell him that will only make things weird

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not. 😆😆😆

[lightbulb27]

yes.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, it might spoil a good thing.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Oh, stacy...

[SxcSierraa]

Of course