True or false: if a girl tells a guy she only wants to be friends after a date, it’s because he didn’t make a move & acted like a friend?

[Anonymous]

Rather than flirt and at least hold her hand and kiss.

True

False

[Cynicaldreamer]

FALSE.

More than likely, she didn't feel any attraction towards said guy, or there wasn't any chemistry/flow between when interacting or talking with him. Basically she likes him, but not enough to want to date him. A guy would have had to have really "friendzoned" me on a date to lose interest in him that quick.

Taking your time and just talking, chatting, and flirting is fine. Because if she's into you, she will wait and see where things go... unless she's just that eager to kiss and see where things go on the first date (which I highly doubt).

[EmmaMary]

@Cynicaldreamer

You're summed this up most accurately... Well done.

[Part2603]

I mean, you seem to agree with the sentiment of the OP, if not the specific mechanics.

Dreamer and I seem to agree that SOME sort of escalation should be in order. She just doesn't think most girls need to kiss on the first date.

It doesn't matter what "most girls" want, or think they want, YOU need to be good at reading the signs and making sure you deliver because a pretty girl will have plenty of guys looking to do a better job than you.

Absolutely, girls are quite unforgiving if you fail to kiss them when they expect it. On the other hand that doesn't necessarily happen on every first date. You should get comfortable with some level of general forwardness. A sort of "safe" forwardness that sort of puts her in the driver seat where she can easily escalate if she chooses too. Aka "flirting".

Also, you shouldn't be putting yourself in that position where you ask. I can imagine you fumbling the goodbye and asking her if she wants to see you again.

Don't do that! Keep your goodbyes vague. Keep your level of commitment to the pursuit deniable. You don't want girls thinking to themselves at the end of the date, "Geez, that guy was boring, how will I let him down gently if he calls me tomorrow?". You want them to think, "Will he call? Maybe he won't? I'm kinda curious about him... Did he actually like me?"

[Asker]

@Part2603 but you do also have to read the vibes to see if they want you to make a move though. Like if she’s sitting far away arms folded and not responding to light touches on her arms, she’s probably not interested in escalation?

[Part2603]

Yes. The scenario you describe suggests that she's not interested.

My prior comments were under the assumption there is some sort of initial curiosity, aka the first step of attraction.

I posted in response to Cynical Dreamer because I found her description of a first date simplistic or I guess vague and I wanted to sort of clarify and elaborate.

She said right off the bat "FALSE". And "she likes him, just not enough to date him". Which is confusing as hell. They just went on a date. She means "date" in the sense of "dating" because when you're on that first date, you're not "dating". OMG FML, right?

Then she mentions "friendzone" which is totally not applicable here, because the stated premise of the inquiry was an official date.

But whatever, her muddled incoherent perspective is entirely typical of how women lack basic self awareness.

[Part2603]

She basically said, "she didn't feel any attraction to the guy" as if that explanation is in any way compatible with the premise that a guy and a girl would find themselves on a date.

Newsflash: Typically girls don't agree to dates with guys they're not attracted to.

So chalk up Cynical Dreamers muddled explanation as the perfect example of how women retcon. When a date goes lamely, they will typically insist that "there was no attraction from the start".

That's NOT actually true though is it?

But perhaps if I choose my words more carefully she and I can agree that our ideas are more or less compatible.

If we instead describe the initial "I'll give you a shot" level of attraction as "curiosity" instead of "attraction" then hopefully you can better examine your presentation during first dates so you can dial it in.

Cynical Dream makes the assumption that the girl would be "into you" in her response. But of course there's gonna be difficulty assessing whether she actually is "into you".

Yeah, if she's into you, you can "not make a move" and get away with it temporarily. But "not making a move" might convince her that she was never into you.

You absolutely have to give her reason to "be into you". You absolutely need to do that on a first date.

[Ms_Facesitter]

It means the date didn't go well and she is moving on.

[CallMeDave]

I would say false. I think it's most likely because she doesn't feel any spark and just can't see herself in a romantic relationship with the guy.

If she likes the guy and feels a spark, I don't think she would say something like that just because he didn't make a move. In some cases, that might actually make her more interested.

[KrakenAttackin]

No, it means you made her cootchie as dry as the Sahara.

[Anonymous]

No. It is just the connection was not there.