It feels like my friend's wife and daughter are trying to set me up with the daughter. How should I handle this?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 30 year old guy and my friend's daughter is 17. I'm American (so is my friend), but my friend's wife is very traditionally Japanese.

Over the passed year, it's felt like the wife has been trying to... entice me with her daughter, I guess you could say? She's constantly talking about what a great cook her daughter is, forcing her food on me, talking about all of the skills, sports, languages, etc. that she knows. The wife asks me about my love life. Tells me I could have any woman I wanted; that sort of thing.

And the daughter has always been friendly to me, but lately she's had a habit of wearing extremely scant clothing and doing things to show off her body to me. Like today, she was going to tennis practice, so she wears this skintight outfit with a low cut shirt. Instead of putting on her shoes in the living room or whatever, she stands across the table from where I'm sitting and bends over perfectly to give me a view down her shirt.

The only reason I'm including those details is to make it clear that I'm not tripping when I say that I think these two are trying to pair me with the daughter. She's a lovely girl, truly, but she is a GIRL.

There are a lot of reasons I'm not particularly interested in this arrangement; the age difference is a big one, but there's also the fact I'd be banging my buddy's daughter, among other things.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? What's the right way to handle this?

[thatshydork]

Nope, they’re definitely not doing that. Talking about a child getting better at certain things is a thing that parents like to do. I mean, my dad tells my grandma about my siblings and I getting better at certain skills and my mom does the same with her friends, but are they trying to set me up with them? No. Trying to get you try food is completely normal, especially if it’s food that you’re proud that your daughter/son/child. In Japan and most parts of the world, that is completely normal. As for the daughter wearing “revealing clothes” she was working out and if she was playing tennis it was probably outside. What did you expect her to wear, a sweatshirt and jeans? Also, she’s a minor, why are you looking down her shirt when she bends over? She likely doesn’t mean to be giving you a full view like you’re claiming she is.

[Asker]

Her being a minor is EXACTLY why I'm so uncomfortable with the situation. I wasn't looking down her shirt, there's just a million other places she could have chosen to bend over to put her shoes on and she happened to choose that one.

[thatshydork]

Still doesn’t mean she did it on purpose or that her mom is tryna set you two up. She likely just bent over to put her shoes on without realizing the type of view she was giving you. You’re misreading the whole situation.

[Asker]

I sincerely hope you're correct. I have no idea about Japanese dating stuff so I didn't want to do something offensive if the mom was just doing something that's totally normal in Japan.

[Anonymous]

If it isn't a troll question... It's all in our minds. I often can't allow myself to bang someome if they're even my friend's friend. Doesn't mean this attitude serves anyone.

[Asker]

Yeah, I totally get why someone would think this was a troll question. It is true though

[LiamJHayden]

I'm pretty open when it comes to age gaps IF the people are both legal, but even I find the idea of a friend's child creepy.

[SnowedIn]

Exactly what @thatshydork said. You're either reading in to this or projecting onto the situation.

[Asker]

I sincerely hope that's true lol

[strateguy632]

misreading signals. enjoy the food and company but not for relationship