At what age does building up a man to succeed become redundant?

[Anonymous]

So for example career wise, if a guy doesn’t have it together , at what age can you determine he will most likely never have it together?

[Anpu23]

That's a hard one as there are many paths to success and multiple setbacks.

I'll use me as an example, at 19 I was in college with a great career path in front of me, dropped out and lived with/on my girlfriend for a while. Got motivated, got in a good position (top floor office, limo service etc) and the company collapsed. Worked retail, built a company. Made/then lost a fortune. Gave up, went back into the field I went to college for without the degree, worked my way up in that field. Dropped out started over again in a completely unrelated field relying on a one year community college certificate. (mid 30's at this point)

One failed business, working in a trade blue collar job (maintenance guy at a commercial kitchen) and not much going on. (I am studying business, teaching a small business class, and taking a bunch of certificate courses at this point. Mostly stuff that interests me. Machine learning, AI, animation and digital design)

Move to a different state. get a retail job, counter help. 40's now. Am I hopeless?

Start my company, art stuff, digital animation, with a focus on AI as it has been an interest most of my life.

Just turned 54, my company looks like it just broke the million dollar mark, working as a C level exec in another tech company, and serving on the board of trustees for a company in my initial college focus. Also am being courted by both government and other interests. A recognized expert in AI (I have 20 years of artificial intelligence programming behind me now) with a number of AI "firsts" own a home, and have bright things ahead of me.

A number of times I would have been considered "not having my crap together" and "not going anywhere" a "dreamer" and now I am a "visionary." Anyway it's perspective.

[mommymommymommy]

I mean, i have a job. barely. but, right now, i have no career path. I'm 34, but, i like a girl and she likes me. I bought a car recently and I'm going to have to start to pay it off. The money to get a degree will start to get harder (im only 3 classes away from getting my first one, i just can't seem to get it), but so then, should i just try to get something better at this point, if i don't feel like i can finish that degree?

Most jobs these days require at least a 4 year, id only be getting a 2 year at this point. I took many years off and tried going back

[provokeesmokee]

30 is my cut off, but even that is late.

Frankly you shouldn't need to build him up. He's gotta build himself up. If he can't, he won't be able to hold onto success even if you handcuff him to it.

[Apple1996]

25-30 if a man doesn't have his shit together by then he never will

[Shamalien]

Generally speaking this is true but there are exceptions

[Apple1996]

@Shamalien very few exceptions tho. Even if they get successful past that age they just turn into bitter old men that complain about how hard they had to work to get there

[Juxtapose]

I think this classism is disgusting. As long as a guy can pay his half of the bills who really cares?

[Asker]

Lmfao “classism” Jesus Christ people have lost it

[Juxtapose]

Yes, it's literally classism against the poor.

[Apple1996]

@Juxtapose having your shit together doesn't always mean it's about money. There is a maturity part as well

[Juxtapose]

I thought it was a euphemism for being upper middle class or higher.. like being "ambitious".

If someone says they want an ambitious man who has his shit together, I'm going to assume they want someone who fits nicely into the social hierarchy of the upper class.

[Shamalien]

@Juxtapose how much money gets you in the upper class? Salary?

[Apple1996]

@Juxtapose it's just not a money thing in my opinion

[Juxtapose]

@Shamalien that really depends on your local area man. California is going to be a lot different than Alabama or Kentucky.

Usually though? $145,500 per year is upper class.

www.google.com/.../...fall-americas-130000535.html

[exitseven]

I did not start my career until I was 40.

[Apple1996]

@exitseven you still had it together before that since you were supporting your wife and kids

[exitseven]

Yes but it took me 3 tries to get through college. I kept running out of money.

[Apple1996]

@exitseven that would suck but was probably worth it back then. College is such a waste for a lot of people now a days tho. Better off finding something else to do that doesn't involve going to college

[exitseven]

I trained to be an electrician but I could not deal with heights.

[Apple1996]

@exitseven haha couldn't get over your fear of heights just for work tho?
My husband is scared to death of heights but jumps out of planes for work but he just learned to deal with the fear and do it

[exitseven]

I really tried to deal with it. I had to work on these platforms. Some were 3 stories tall. I figured I would get used to it but I think I have some inner ear thing. After a few months I had to give it up I went up to the top of the Empire State Building and had a really hard time even going up in the elevator. I knew somebody that went skydiving and she said she was afraid of heights bus you are so high up it does not seem real.

[Apple1996]

@exitseven oh no at least you tried getting over your fear but yeah that sounds hard.
And yes skydiving is crazy high up. Its a lot higher than what my husband jumps

[Asker]

@juxtapose you seem to be a man that doesn’t have his act together at all. It has nothing to do with “class” it has to do with being able to function as an adult

[exitseven]

@Juxtapose 145000 gets you maybe the middle class. If you have a kid or two in college you are going backwards.

[Asker]

@exitseven it’s not about class, it’s about being able to function as an adult. I make about $50k a year and I’m financially stable. That’s what people don’t understand. People don’t need excessive amounts of money to function as an adult. It has to do with what you do with your paychecks. People that live paycheck to paycheck are rarely just paying bills. They are spending excessively on stuff they don’t need

[Juxtapose]

Nope Asker, I have no debt and I have savings that can pay months of rent. Also I don't live at my parents and I take care of myself.

Nice try though.

[PragmaticProfit]

Both of my uncles started later. My dads side got started in real estate at 36. Their family is considerably wealthy today. My uncle on my moms side became an accountant at 34 and when he died five years ago, he had around 4 million to pass on.

[Apple1996]

@PragmaticProfit its not about being rich... Having your shit together is about mental maturity and like OP said being good at managing money. Most rich people are not mature and have bad money management skills

[Asker]

@juxtapose if that was the truth, you would be able to define the difference between stability and luxury

[PragmaticProfit]

The OP is talking about career. Not specifically mental maturity.

[Juxtapose]

I can? Who can't?

[DJB72]

Building him up to succeed should be lifelong because as he reaches one goal he needs to set his focus on the next. My grandfathers never stopped working on improving themselves and their wives never stopped encouraging them in their growth. In fact my dad's dad was over 80 and a week before he died he called me to talk about what he hoped to be able to do next, a new direction he wanted to move in.

It shouldn't be about padding his ego. Ever. All that does is set him up to fail.

I'm dismayed that this simple truth is almost unknown: we want you to be proud of us as your husband. And we need to hear it. Exactly the way you need to know you're beautiful.

If you can't do that then don't get married. Keep selling your body. Guys and girls. You get what you sow as a harvest.

[Asker]

Emotional reply at it’s finest.

[PragmaticProfit]

Why do you express such animosity OP? You pose a highly intricate question and subsequently dismiss people's nuanced responses by attributing excessive emotionality to them. Your response seems contentious and irrational in nature.

[DJB72]

@PragmaticProfit that's exactly the response I expected given it was asked anonymously. Ironically her response proves my point: the simple truth is almost unknown

[BlackJeep]

It's not an age. If a man isn't hard working and have goals he's not going to get it together. Even if its ridiculous goals can be achieved if you outwork everyone else. You know where a man is going to be by where he is going. If he's not headed anywhere, then he's not going anywhere

[ProbablyClueless]

Eh... if a man gets to his mid thirties and he still doesn't have any kind of plan, that does not bode well.

[Asker]

Thanks for being one of the only people to grasp this question, and not using emotions to justify men that are on a path to be a permanent loser

[ProbablyClueless]

Sure thing. Happy to help

[BoopBoopBeep]

If he doesn't even have a plan I wouldn't wait that long. If he had one and just hadn't "made it" I could see waiting that long, but not even knowing what your'e going to do at 35? Nah that's too generous

[rukus88]

What do you bring to the table for a man who is put together?

[Asker]

@ruku88 every person in a relationship shouldn’t burden their partner with their own financial nonsense

[KingOfMe1]

There is no age. Conditioning determines results. You can tell what a 16 year old will be. However, it doesn't mean that their conditioning can't change. If you have your life together at age 25-30 your vision was mediocre.

You can build someone up all you want but if neither of your understand how to alter deep rooted conditioning... It's a waste of time.

[Adam1978]

It's more about removing distractions really. Women has never built successful men. They have just supported them and taken care of household tasks. So they can completely focus on their mission. So it's always been women who tagged along on the ride. The men would have been successfully without them, he would just had a messy home and no family.

[BeMuse]

What do you imagine you are actually doing to "build up a man" that would somehow effect his career prospects? I'm just curious how you think you magiclyt influence the state of the world economy and the opinions of interview teams where he applies. This should be entertaining...

[kakaling]

I don't believe the get your shit together kind of shit, its society influence.

I am basically a person that can't be influence by anything, country, law, corporation, friends, family, religion, society, money, time, no shit.

I know what I like, I get what I want. I probably totally look like a person that get my shit together.

[Buffotine1996]

There is no building up to be a man, just have a dick and balls and carry a pistol if a bigger guy wants to hurt you. Muscles doesn't make you a man because women can do that, acting like a thug doesn't make you a man because women can act like that to.

[Lionman95]

I would say never. But in terms of dating I would say if he´s over 35 and hasn´t achieved anything before that age. He probably won´t do it afterwards either.

[inhua]

the moment he graduates high school

the longer it takes for him to become tall, hot, rich and leave his parents home, the worse it gets for him

[Raaj4you]

Age is just a number. Some succeed at 22, 25, 27, 29, 31, 33, 35, 38, 40, 42,...58..65.. It doesn't matter when? What matters is, You did it or not? You know people get lucky at different ages.

[Asker]

Yeah but at what point should a woman get to the point where she’s dating a loser that refuses to better his life? No such thing as “getting lucky” when it comes to careers

[Raaj4you]

As a man, I don't want to date a loser girl / woman.

[Asker]

Loser men have the mindset that stability is from “getting lucky”

[Raaj4you]

Loser women have the mindset of gold diggers to find a wealthy husband.

[ariadneR]

I'm always gonna be my bfs, hype man. I'll always encourage him to do things, support him, believe in him because to me its one of the most important things you can do for your partner.

[andreasderjuengere]

Mid 20's, I'd say.

If we don't at least SHOW potential during this time of building ourselves, then it's not likely that ''we'' progress much further.

[Nikki1989]

Anyone, male or female, should have their life together by the time they are 25.

[KingOfMe1]

No they shouldn't. It's their life. It isn't a race. We aren't all taking the same test.

[Jamie05rhs]

If he has never had any support whatsoever, and he continues to get zero support, then I doubt that he will ever be successful in his lifetime.

[Juxtapose]

Yeeep. The pull yourself up by your bootstraps only worked when factory jobs let you support a whole family.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Juxtapose Correct. And also, the motivation to be a slave to support a woman only works when you actually have women worth fighting for. If the women are unappealing, then no man is going to be motivated to get one.

[Jamie05rhs]

But my original point was that if he has never been loved or supported by anyone, then he simply runs out of steam. The natural drive of a human is actually NOT indomitable; that is a myth.

[Juxtapose]

Agree, people need something to feel their drive and they have a limit. Torture proves that limit quite reliably.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Juxtapose Exactly.

[nawtee_me]

What are we doing trading love for money? If you love him will you stick with him through thick and thin? Good times and bad? Or do you just want what he can do for you?

[Asker]

If a man never presents good to being with him, what’s the point? Finances still need to be paid in relationships

[nawtee_me]

Relationships are built on love and trust, not on money

[Asker]

Love doesn’t pay the finances that a couple then has to share. Imagine busting your ass while your partner sits around but you throw at them “at least I love you”

[nawtee_me]

When I started dating my ex wife I told her she could work if she wanted to but she did not have to. She worked for a couple of years and then quit. We had to watch our spending but I didn’t mind her not working. She sat around the house and took care of it.
If you base your relationship on what the other can bring to the table then what happens yen years in and they can no longer bring it to the table anymore? Do you leave after 10 years? Or do you make it work?

[Asker]

There’s rare exceptions, but if a person starts out not providing on their end, that person is forever going to be a burden in the relationship.

[RingOfFire]

I would say if by his mid to late 30s he does not have some significant direction in his career there is a problem.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

A man shoud have it together by 21. If he's 22 and still not a billionaire, he's a loser

[WanderingLoveWizard]

In all seriousness though. You should really only be weary of guys whose plan is to make it big in social media and/or crypto stocks

[serious_miss419]

21? are you nuts

[Avicenna]

@serious_miss419: It was sarcasm

[WanderingLoveWizard]

This guy gets it ^^^

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have my career until I was 32. Today I have a net worth close to a million. Not rich but I do well.

[SolitarySolace]

Never? You should build each other up and help each other succeed you don’t just stop.

[Shamalien]

I mean there are exceptions, but I think most “late to the party” men are gunna get it together in their mid twenties if ever

[rukus88]

Why does it matter? Do you love him? Giving off a lot of gold-digger vibes. Besides, aren't you a strong, independent woman? go make your own money, get your shit together, and enjoy your equality

[Juxtapose]

Yeah no kidding, this is classism at its finest.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s exactly why women are starting to become happier being single, because men think women should only be the successful one in relationships these days. You give off loser vibes.

[rukus88]

You only think that because you haven't hit the wall yet. Your narrowing down the word success to only financial success, a naïve viewpoint. There are women way happier being a successful wife and mother. You are a perfect example of why feminism is a lie. They claim to be about choice, but then shit on traditional women who make that choice. That's why no one respects you.

[Asker]

@rukus88 yeah except the way you word things, it definitely seems like you shit on traditional women that want a successful man so they can be a traditional woman. That’s the funniest part about your assumption.

[rukus88]

You didn't grow up with a father around did you? Pretending to be traditional to hide being a gold digger isn't real traditional femininity. Traditional women don't hang on to a guy to see if he is going to make a certain amount of money or not, and then make a decision to "love" him after he succeeds or fails. Traditional women stand by their man. That man deserves the woman who truly loved him before he was rich.

[Anonymous]

Probably about the same age you can conclude a woman is just straight up trash and she's never going to get it together.

[In_Trance]

you can do this at any age if you know what to look for

[Anonymous]

30, that give best part of 10 years of adulthood after education

[monghjay2]

30 he should be getting set slowly

if he cares for money

[Anonymous]

It shouldn't matter. If you truly love or care about a man and not just see him as a bank. You would do everything you can to help him better himself. He should do the same for you. The whole purpose of a relationship is to build each other up.

[Opinion Owner]

Spoken like a gold digger. Typical woman to only see a man as a bank.

[Asker]

I’ve never financially relied on a man, except for my father that gave me the best life because he was my only parent that was financially stable because he didn’t have an addiction. Nice try on trying to guilt because you are too emotional

[Juxtapose]

What do you care? As long as he can pay his half of the rent then it shouldn't matter to you. Are you a classist?

[Asker]

And what happens if he can’t pay his rent? Does that still make me classist?

[exitseven]

I would give up at age 40.

[jahaims]

It isn't a set age.

[RyanK9b]

35 hard to say